Newbie

[malibu]

Hi calyps sorry i havent got back to you sooner i have had alot on my mind and had to go and relax yesterday before i reached breaking point.I dont know nothing really about dbt but my social worker wants me to start dbt next month but i am not sure!Thankyou for being so supportive i felt you were there for me when i needed extra support!How are you today i read in one of your posts that you are feeling you are being ignored i am not ignoring you.How are you feeling?Are you ok?if you want to talk to me about anything i am here for you!

take care hugs

claire simmons

Hi katie thanks for your reply it was really nice for you to welcome me and for you to be so supportive.You said you have had bpd for 14 years that seems along time i know it can last for years are you as bad as you was when you first got diagnosed?I dont seem to have changed i have had it a year now.You were diagnosed when you were very young that seems to be incredible.I was diagnosed when i was 24 years old.

how are you feeling today?i hope you are ok?

take care hugs

claire simmons

[ktodee_27]

I was diagnosed when I was 19 originally but I had its tendencies according to my psychiatrist at the time after i told him my whole history dating back to the start of my teens. he said it was definitely there from the time i was 13 but just not as pronounced as it had gotten when i was 19 and impaired me for a long period of time for the first time.

No, Im not as bad as I was when I was first diagnosed... holy cow! you didnt want to know me then and I think I would have been banned from this forum my first day on had i come on back then. lol I had like all the tendencies.

I was very suicidal and SI'ing like every night for awhile and had so many addictive behaviors and couldnt cope and was a mess. I cant tell you how many times crisis was called when i was in the group home. (geeze) I havent been that way for about 4 years now and have overcome much of the addictive behaviors. (except with the ED issues still at large along with the internet addiction and caffeine.. )

I dissociated so much that at points there were periods of time i went bpdish and didnt remember a thing and wasnt aware of hospitalizations or when i did things like si. And people told me later and i was just so shocked and astounded.

I had an attitude you wouldnt believe and i was real aggressive and threw chairs around my first day in the group home system, yelled at people, egged them on, had to be restrained at times physically and even beat a few people up. I was so cynical, sarcastic, nasty and potty mouthed and an angry person back then(still can be on a bad day, but not as long or as often and i keep it to myself more often now or vent in the forums. i found coping skills there.) and I had no sweetness or sense of humor in me then. If someone called me honey or sweetie I would get defensive and verbally tear them apart.

I was isolative and let out the primal cry of leave me alone. (no primal cry, but sometimes isolative even now)

I was pretty much promiscous before and when i was there for awhile...hehe

My moods were like a pendulum in every single situation and i was so sensitive. (still can be and very bad especially lately. i can be ok one moment, pissed the next, a crying mess the next, too anxious, readdy to breakdown, hopeless, yelling or screaming etc..) Only difference is Im better at concealing it now in front of others and think better before i take it out on people like 98 percent of the time. Yes, i have slipped up a few times...we all do... lol.. otherwise with the yelling and screaming especially and the other stuff i either do it all behind closed doors, in a journal, or on the forums.. hehe

most of my reckless behaviors have been under control now (yay!)

i still have abandonment issues with my boyfriend and other people around me even at work and my support person, etc anyone i really do care for...even on the forums, i can feel abandoned and develop this easily..my boyfriend is the biggest one however..

oh yes, a history of intense and unstable relationships.... most of the relationships I have are pretty stable.... mostly the problem now lies with authority people in my life like my support or caseworker or pls as a whole authority wise

I was so paranoid of others you wouldnt believe it. (at least for now im free of it, but i still can fall into those paranoid thoughts quite easily though their not as paralyzing)

have some idea of who i want to be, but im still clueless on some other parts of it as opposed to not knowing who i was at all when dxd

so i have improved drastically from where i was, but i still have some symptoms and can experience huge amounts of pain inside yet and slip up a little at times....thats where im at now Claire..i still get lots of negative thoughts i cope with at various parts of my day... (yuck) but somehow i get thru.. thank god...

today im doing better and calm for now...and not so moody... and the rest

i think i can handle going in and making up my hours.. later on at 1pm

i was up all night tho unable to sleep since it was rough and i was crying and too anxious and ready to lose my mind and felt like i couldnt cope and so overwhelmed...but now i have a pardon.. phew..

thanks for your concern... :)

[babic1]

Hey there Claire!

Just wanted to say welcome to BPD, but as i read through this post seems there have been lots of people here for support for you over the time since you joined and thats really good to hear. Thansk for letting us know a little about yourself.

I hope to get to chat with you soon

Take Care - Babs xx

[malibu]

Hi babic i would like to appoligise for earlier when we were on live support i dont know what happened the screen went all fussed i could not read or write anything.Thankyou for your support anyway.

take care

claire

[Bluegrass]

:wub: Hi Claire - welcome and glad you joined the site - lots of

good support and help here from caring people who understand -

take gentle care hun - here for you :wub:

[malibu]

hi bluegrass thankyou for your reply and being there for me .I havent seen any postings from you do u do postings?do u have bpd?i hope you are ok

take care hugs

claire