A Drug Question

[lostsoul]

i'm tempted to do some lsd. i think it could open up some new avenues of self investigation. new dimensions, levels to things etc.

has anyone done lsd here, who also has bpd?

have you found it useful or a bit nightmarish?

i have come up against a wall. i have gotten so far, but i want to go farther.

some of my friends have talked of how beneficial it can be in helping your mind slide sideways, see something from a new perspective.

my concern is that i'd be one of those who never comes back... who gets lost in that fluid landscape. my landscape is already pretty fluid. so i'm wondering if it's a good idea...

anyway. any advice would be great : )

x

[carmelina]

I dropped acid once, but just a little - just experimenting. I saw some pretty weird things, like goblins in tree's and the people around me seeming to be made of wax. I would stay away from artex ceilings, cuz they tend to swirl and drip down on you. I didn't have a bad experience, but then I only took a little bit. I wouldn't mind trying some again sometime... to have a more profound experience. Once the drug wears off so do all the side effects, so I wouldn't worry about getting stuck there. Of course there's all the reasons why taking illegal drugs are wrong... but I'm sure somebody else will inform you of those so I won't, lol. Just so the powers that be know... I am in no way encouraging you, just sharing an experience.

Take care,

Sarah x

[Alice]

I read no further than 'I'm tempted to do some lsd' before having to respond with a resounding NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Please, please don't. The risks of a bad trip are horribly high for someone with BPD and the effects can last anything up to eight hours. This could mean feeling like you're in hell. I'm sorry, but those goblins in the trees and dripping ceilings just wouldn't do it for me. No offence, like.

If you need to escape from it all for a bit and maybe smooth out the edges, why not opt for a little one off valium after a hot perfumed bath with candles and incense and some Burt Bacharach or Ray Charles instead? And I'm no 'holier than thou' anti-illegal drugs pedant either - I smoked about three spliffs every night for the last three years but found even that gave me frightening thoughts.

But then I am a wimp :s

[lostsoul]

okies!

yes my ex said he saw the artex ceiling swirling and dripping down on him too. huh!

what i mean about staying loopy is that sometimes people don't come down once it wears off. but anyway, it's pretty rare and i think you have to drop shitloads to get it. it happened to that dude from pink floyd - syd barrett

bless his cottons.

anyway. thanks for the advice. would only take a little lol x

[realscape]

Hi Lost

Hmmm. What to say? I took acid, trips, mushrooms, on and off for about 15 years and at one point when I was about 20, every weekend. Also lots of other drugs especially speed / uppers, cannabis, Es, pills, sometimes crack. Since then I gradually calmed down a bit and now I haven't taken drugs for 3 years. So, anyway, the point is I am a very experienced recreational drug user for 20 years who has now quit.

My experience of trips / acid was that it was a very bonding fun experience for me and my close knit (at that time) group of friends. We used to laugh so much and do crazy things, either staying at home looking for silly things to entertain ourselves with or going out to parks and parties and being totally off it. It used to brighten me up and I never suffered from depression in those days, its also great fun in places like Thailand on the beach, mushroom shakes n stuff. The downside of it was having bad trips - one time I was too scared to move and sat stone still petrified of anything that moved, another time I tried having sex with my boyfriend and got mixed up thinking someone was raping me, another time I took too many trips and tripped for 3 days and couldn't come down. The worst ever time was getting left on my own when my friends went on a 'mission' to the local shop and I didn't know where they'd gone (thought we'd been raided and they'd been arrested) and got really disoriented and confused on my own. The other downside is doing things you wouldn't normally do - for example I once went to work tripping, we regularly used to go driving tripping because it was so funny and we used to drive round and round our local roundabout thinking it was hilarious, also we got quite into crack to take the edge of comedowns which we probably wouldn't have touched in straight minds.

I wouldn't recommend taking any drugs to expand your mind but its easy to say when I've been there seen it and done it already myself. I think it is quite true that acid can trigger psychosis because it has certainly triggered unbearable paranoia in me sometimes and also I have seen people in psych wards from using acid.

If you are going to try it, do it with some friends you trust, people who you don't have any bad feelings about (because they come out when you trip), and try to limit the amount of damage that you can do, for example agree to do it at home and not leave the house and don't leave each other alone. Equip yourselves with some fun little toys to play with and keep you happy trippy. Dont make mad phone calls, go driving, or strike up conversations with 'straight' people or go shopping etc. Don't take too much at any time, just try taking a little bit and wait at least a few hours before taking more (thats where I went wrong with my 3 day trip) sometimes it can take a long time to kick in. Also, limit yourself how much you have or when you're tripping you might keep taking more and more (also a big mistake) and limit the amount of other drugs you have access to. Someone told me that high dose Vitamin C brings you back down when you're tripping - I don't know if thats true but if it is, I would strongly recommend that you have some handy.

*Don't take acid if you're suffering from any type of anxiety or worries or with people you feel even slightly uncomfortable with and don't take it alone*

At the end of the day, now I suffer from really bad depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, and personality disorders. Who can say whether using drugs made that worse or alleviated it, I don't know, but they didn't cause it because my original problems started in my childhood. I used to love taking drugs and view the old days as overall being very good fun times. Its an interesting field of enquiry. Stay safe and have a good time whatever you decide to do.

[Louiza]

Losty I have to say I think its a bad idea.

Your right about Syd Barrett, the guy was a genius and he wasn't even around when they hit it big time. Everyone kept giving him lsd for free and this guy totally went up and stayed up there. This all happened in the 60s and still to this day, Syd lives a hermit life, unable to function at all,his music mind still floats somewhere in the last millenium. Its such a waste.

Seriously there is too much at stake to mess about with it, im glad you have spoken about this but I have to stress again. ITS A BAD IDEA!!!

Take care hun, hope you make the right choice.

[lostsoul]

dude, that was most interesting and enlightening. it's pretty uncanny how you have been lots worse since stopping?! makes me go, hmmmmmmm!

i think i will wait till i am more stable. right now i'm too wahey wahoo to manage it i think.

i thank you for taking the time to post that as it must have taken a while to write.

xx

hey lou

yeah, i know. i seem to be lost between mad and mad now though. everything is about sh. fucking myself up. something in me wants to do it cos it might push me over.

but i'm trying to stay on the side of caring for myself, and i take on board what you say.

oooh shit bfriend is home now i gotta go

x

[realscape]

Hi Lost

The psychiatrist said I was avoiding my mental health problems by heavy use of drugs. This is like the opposite way round of people who start off quite well balanced and get fucked from drugs, hence the need for dual diagnosis drug/ MH treatment centres. Some people who seem insane are totally normal when they get clean and some people have bad underlying problems that can only be diagnosed after they get clean. Apparently this is a massive problem for NHS at the moment because of crack - they are having real trouble deciding whether someone is paranoid schizophrenic or in crack psychosis. Wouldn't fancy that job!

[Jewel]

Hi Lost..... my two cents here and I dont think you should even consider the amount or try it..... I had a friend who wanted to try it and she became so addicted that lets just say I dont who she is anymore. Im sorry your hurting and going through a lot but I know drugs isnt the answer and will only add to your problems. ((Lost))

[lostsoul]

wow, lol, me either

x

[jai]

Hey Losty,

Good question, i forgot about the lsd debate!! my bf thought a while back that it might help me gain some insight...into errrrr what i dunno...anyhow, long story short..i did nt take it and wont be either...

I feel a bit long in the tooth to start experimenting.

I think the candle lit bath and valium idea sound like a more relaxing proposition...

Okay losty, i'll fetch me slippers now....

hehehe

Jai

[verbena]

I'll have to consider this for a while - be a responsible friend, or tell her what I really think? Hmmmmmmmmm. I'll get back to you. :P

[verbena]

Knowing what I do now, I would think it would not be a good thing for a BPD person but it was fun when I did it at age 15, which was 33 years ago (1972)!! It was Orange Sunshine, and my girlfriend and I quartered it, and each took a piece, waited an hour, then finished it off, and POW!!! It lasted 12 hours and for several of those hours we were completely incapacitated. If paranoia isn't your thing, don't do it. The walls were breathing...she had a shocking pink bedroom - everything in it was dark pink. We saw trails and shadows for years after. Sometimes I still wonder if it's the BPD or that one time - did I cause brain damage? If you decide to do it, PLEASE HAVE A RESPONSIBLE PERSON NOT UNDER THE INFLUENCE WITH YOU. Good luck.

XXX

Ann

[lostsoul]

i spoke about it with a friend tonight who has done it several times. his response was most interesting and surprising

he reckons there is this new therapy coming out of america, called transpersonal therapy. it comes in many forms but essentially it focuses on spiritual insight and growth, rather than 'talking'

apparently one method they use is lsd, done in a therapeutic environment, under strict supervision and guidance

and the dose is low

it is supposed to help you find new understanding of yourself, the world, and all of that jazz

i'm not sure what i make of it. the cynic in me is saying don;t fall for it, it's just some hippies trying to make some bucks

but dbt isn't really working for me, and who knows, maybe it could help me?

the other thing he said was about shamanism. but i'm just not into all that

ann, naughty naughty. tut tut. ok i'm done lol.

(secretly jealous. mine was a mispent youth in all ways serious and dull)

lol

thanks for the replies people. seems to me that most suggest i don't do it.

which of course means i will. bad tactic guys! bad tactic!!!! lmao

no i don't know yet. i have to think about it some more.....

x losty x

[samsung]

losty...

i got so paranoid. really really bad.

Got no insight.

Got no revelations.

my dog was talking to me...

fuck it

[realscape]

Hey losty

Interesting to know what your friend thinks. Praps you could ask your therapist for LSD treatment instead! Would like to know the response to that btw

And its a dreadful shame that ecstacy was actually being pioneered as a cure for depression until it got hijacked by the recreational drug users - we could'v all been on legal highs by now.

I would say, if LSD is the answer, then what the hell is the question? I can't cope with the places my mind goes all by itself these days, let alone encourage it to find pastures new.

[lostsoul]

realscape and rachel, PMSL!!!! my dog talked to me, fuck it. oh fuck .... that's got me chuckling. and real - if lsd is the answer, what is the question. ah sheeet.

(((you guys)))

i read all about lsd therapy after posting this stuff. it's all part of transpersonal therapy. my verdict - probably has something to offer when done in a therapeutic environment, but even so, the risks for a loon are high, as real points out - because - it unlocks even more stuff you will have to process and deal with

it CAN fuck you up more.

i have decided i will do it if i'm ten years older and still going nowhere...

xx

[realscape]

I think my psychotherapists should drop a few trips it might lighten them up a bit.

[ladyluck28]

I smoke pot the odd time and it has a way of putting things into perspective for me..I sit back and let my imagination run wild and boy that can be a trip..i smoked this wierd kind of pot last week and i tripped..everything was funny and then it was all too serious..inside my mind, my thoughts were screaming at me..i could barely function to cook supper for my dinner guests I was that stoned..i got throught it though and didn't kill anyone with my cooking..it was kind of funny..a friend and i smoked a joint just after we got back from a funeral..maybe it was that that made my mind play tricks on me..it was a nice release from the gloom and doom of the day.. B)

[realscape]

Ladyluck, if you have unusual experience when smoking weed its poss that its laced with either pcp, crack, heroin, methamp, depending where you live. I know that sounds a bit outrageous and paranoid but class As are cheap and pure these days and dealers are mixing up the heavy duty stuff with crappy weed to make it more enticing. Anyhow, don't mean to make you paranoid and maybe you already know about these things but if you didn't, I just wanted to warn you. If you are a regular smoker and you have an abnormal response it could be because of another subtsance than the one you think you're getting.

Anyway, my life was much more fun when I took loads of drugs and now its crap (o yeah and did I mention I put on 4.5 stones in weight) so I'm the walking advert for non-cleanliness.

[ladyluck28]

You could be right about it being laced..i wondered that myself..i've smoked other kinds of weed before and didn't experience anything unusual..all i did was relax..

[realscape]

Well, I don't mean to scare the pants off anyone. But I used to be big into ecstacy pills since the late 80s. Which is basically like since forever and when they first started. And some time around the late 90s all of a sudden (sometimes) I'd drop pills which made me collapse to the floor and have really 'heavy legs'. Later found out this is because they were more skag than MDMA. So really, looking back on it, due to my high consumption of these, I had a heroin problem and probably withdrawals that I never even knew about.

Now, apparently, the same it applicable to weed and hash. What a minefield.

[lostsoul]

as i keep saying this just wouldn't be a problem if they made them legal lol

x

[realscape]

Yup. Legalise. Now.

[chickenways]

yeah leglise drug so we all get the good stuff and the wright advice and education about it.

i have indulge in acid about 10 years ago, i have doen mushroom since and other non psycho active drugs such as upper and downers les of the later.

my real bad acid trip, well i had 2 sent me straight over the edge. i used to take really small amount, but then comming froma really stressfull tour a droped a full tab had a great time for a few hours then went down, basically because my mate went of shagging and left alone, in strangers flat. at the time i was sleeping on people floor.

that tiped me over and sent me in my second long periode of serious depression and paranoia ... i couldn't trust anyone, nor could i trust myself to work or do anything sensible ... well it took a couple of month and got back to about functionning ... well sorte off....

the second time i took a blotter ( strong little flint like looking thing ). i took that the night before i was for a medical. i was to fails that medical as it would then prevent me from doing my military service ( in france we still had it at the time, but i was in england seeing a deputy doctor in manchester )

well i pushed it that morning, and due partly because i reallised that it wasn't working and that i was too happy and off my head to look seriously bad, i decided really wisely ,not, to take a trip back to when i was 12 and explained how i was abused by a familly friend and that5 i wasn't sure of my sexuality... therefore an all male environement was scarry .... and i didn;t think i would cope .... dismissed i was ... well i thought, i run back home stoping in shops and stating estaticly that i had been dipensed from military service to people who look at me like i had been tripping all night ....

then bed for the day ... then wake up ... bad .... bad .... that was me ;for a couple month incapacitated ... paranoia .. etc...

the one thing is ... it did show me reality about myself, it did show me that i had friends who cared for me, it did show me a side of me that tended to be paranoid, it did teach me to get up again ... but that was 10 years ago and i only dicovered that i might be bpd now ... in a way i don't regret it ... but it wasn't nice really ....

but the thing i saw about me and the world around me did open my eyes to what was around me ... but again ... the journey throught that discovery wasn't pleasant at all ...

so, i'm not saying do nor don't ... but if ever you do ... make sure you are with one or several of your closest most trusting loving friends ... nice environement, things to do ... and have fun don't try to solve thing when you there, just try to remember what you saw ...

take care and well done for asking ...

x

chicken