Therpist Holidays

[lucy]

How many peoples T's are on holiday atm because of easter? and how do you cope? Does it affet you?

Mine is on a two week break, he suggested all sorts of things whih alluded to the fact that i might miss him. I talk to him alot when i am on my own - sat in the bath on the loo etc

I want to hurt myself again but i dont know wether that is beause i want to be looked after

Lucy

[Vorpalblade]

My DBT is on a break til the 4th May. Feel like i have lost a limb.

My psychotherapist is off next week, then i will see her for a week, then she is off the following week.

I hate hte inconsistency! Also makes me feel kinda rejected in a babyish sort of way.

Blade

[MrsDerelictContent]

My therapist is on holiday for 3 weeks.. & when I'm my logical self I don't care...

I feel as though I need more support at the moment.. but I've not said that & he's been very helpful & works hard.. I'm not the easiest patient, he deserves a break .

It gets a little weird when I start to think about him having a family.. I've kind of denied it to myself, but I'm sure I saw a Wedding ring on his finger .

My stupid head can't imagine him with another patient.

[christina]

I don't have a therapist, but i know when my friends are away i feel very lonley and count the days until they are back.

Therapists and Counsellors are a different case in that they work with you in a different way and so i can imagine that the loss during the time they are away is much more increased - especially when you have just opened up about something just before they go on holiday.

Christina

[poodle]

My T is here on Tuesday next week, but not the week after. I find it really difficult when there's a break. It will be especially difficult as my T is off the same week that my parents go away.

I don't know how I'll get on.... we'll have to see

Poodle

[ladyluck28]

I don't see my T until the 20th..i could've used him on MOnday and Tuesday when i was feeling depressed..i coped by coming on here and doing a few posts..i didn't cut or anything like that even though the urge was there for me to do so..all i did was keep myself busy..i got through it and i'm proud that i didn't do anything destructive.. :)

[beth79]

Iam waiting for a therapist, Been waiting a year should be getting one in next few weeks thanks to my new cpn. My cpn is off till tuesday now then i see him then, don't know what i would do without him. My old cpn who has moved team wasn't as good as my new cpn.

[realscape]

I find it outrageous that therapists should have holidays (serious). I mean just because its fecking Summer doesn't mean our brains have a holiday does it. Is not Christmas the worst time of year when Everyone kills themselves but they go on holiday for a month. And of course, we imagine them being all functional and happy familied up and doing activity holidays and getting research grants for going to Thailand and suchlike. They prob at home eating chocs and psychoanalysing their cats but nontheless its what we think that counts.

Anyway, the fact of the matter is, that they do have holidays and we just have to learn to cope with it. Outrageous if you've just opened up about something to have to sit and stew on it. But fact.

Lucy, I'm glad I'm not the only one who talks to my 'therapist' when alone. But get this wierder still, I don't even have a therapist! Just the imaginary one in my head who asks me questions and I answer them. Usually in the bath or on the loo too. Strangely enuf. At least mine doesn't take holidays :D

[liquid]

Its tough when your therapist goes missing for a few weeks. I was seeing a counsellor and she kept bringing this subject of her going on holiday and how it would affect me. I didnt understand it at the time and had a lot of self harming to tell her about when she came back

I was given a substitute counsellor to look after me while she was away but that didnt help, I felt choked in the sessions with all the things I felt like i needed to say but knowing there wouldnt be enough time to. I do think self harming during that period is an act of crying out, perhaps due to feelings of abandonment?

[MrsDerelictContent]

Realscape that made me giggle ... not in an offensive way.

Therapists are people too - they deserve holidays, as hard as it is for the patients.. it's tough.

If patients were that ill they would be admitted to hospital.. the fact is patients in therapy aren't considered to be AS ill as those in hospital.. and can therefore cope in the real world which includes holidays.

I think it's entirely realistic and furthermore I think it's ridiculous to say that therapists shouldn't be allowed holidays.. but I can understand that these feelings are perhaps merely a reflections of ones inability to cope with perceived abandonment or rejection,... being alone.

[realscape]

Derelict I think you are being far too understanding and conciliatory.

Therapists are not people, they should not be allowed holidays, we cannot cope with reality, we should all be in hospital but they wont let us. Only joking.

I really do think the world of therapists is fabulously constructed to meet the academic holidays (ie. their needs) and not the needs of patients, who funnily enuf are not usually ill only at term time. In fact there could be an argument that patients are more ill during holiday seasons than not. Back in the day, I used to have proper jobs in proper professional corporations (s'true!) and there was no such thing as 2 months long summer off, a month off at Xmas, a month off at Easter. It was a few days here and there for Xmas, New Year, Bank Holidays, and then you had to BEG like a dog to book of your 10 days entitlement. Therefore, my conclusion to this mini-rant is that therapists are all academics, still at 'school', and are only in business to suit themselves and their professional development and not at all worried about facilitating the best service to people in emotional distress. A bit like a sandwich shop closing for lunch. Nice work if you can get it.

[mrs tree]

My S.worker went on holiday last week.she is back on wed i see her on Thurs and even though i know she is entitled to her hols i always seem to think it is the wrong time for me and feel real put out she isn't there when i need her.

I also talk to my T and s.worker to get them to resolve probs..The shocking thing for me is when i ask the same question as i asked them in my head and they give a different answer

LOL

Mrs Tree

[realscape]

The shocking thing for me is when i ask the same question as i asked them in my head and they give a different answer

Mrs Tree

LMAO!

[~ Mandy ~]

My therapist is away for two weeks. My mentor is away for three. And my tutor, who is for uni but knows about everything and usually asks how I'm doing and everything e-mailed me the other day telling me not to contact her for two weeks.

I'm going through a bad enough time and yes, this is making me feel abandoned, but I can also recognise that they need holidays. I'm telling myself to be okay now, I can fall apart when they get back. I can't afford to now when there's no-one there to support me.

[MrsDerelictContent]

I agree that therapy is not designed around a patients life.

If therapists are trying to bring patients back to reality, then I feel therapy should include these interuptions as they are realistic and happen in lifeall of the time - the important thing is to discuss them.. and for people outside of hospital I'd say it istheir choice to discuss things or not.. responsibility.

You're undermining any hope people with BPD might have for living in the real world!

People manage in the real world - a very small percent of people actually commit suicide & I am a great believer that many failed attempts weren't attempts at all.

Therapy is meant to be hard. Separation is a part of it.

[realscape]

The point I was trying to make is these interruptions don't happen all the time in normal life. They actually only happen in the academic year. In normal working life one would get few and far between days off but in NHS therapy profession they generally take academic holidays which are frequent and abnormally long.

In my opinion, this sabotages the continuity of care and the trust in the relationship and the ability to open up and sustain feeling opened up. This doesn't happen in any other industry or workplace or care environment, therefore, I think therapists are suiting their own needs and not the needs of patients. I don't have separation problems, I don't have a therapist, but I know many of my friends who are left 'dangling' and develop feelings of mistrust or being emotionally neglected after feeling abandoned during the summer and xmas holidays (which they are often only notified about at short notice).

[ladyluck28]

I think that therapists do need a break..they sit and listen to people's problems all day and all week..they need to get away..after all they are human too just like us..i will say that there needs to be a plan in place for a crisis situation..if I was to go into crisis, the plan is to take me to the hospital and see if i can get admitted..so far so good I've avoided the place..i am happier for it too..

[jai]

My T is taking a break over easter and usually his departure leaves me with a terrible feeling of the world falling to pieces. Since the last time this happened we have discussed it and I have thought about how to avoid having that response. Firstly we decided not to tackle any really hard stuff when we know he is nt going to be around the following week and secondly accept that life shit will happen and those are the times i have to try and cope for myself. I have done this by slowly rebuilding a support group of trusted freinds and I also talk to my bf much more than i did before. This is not always perfect and people are nt always available just at the time i need them, however it is preferable to trying to deal with something really big for a protracted length of time.

Real, i think your point is entirely valid, whilst i have found ways to cope a bit better during the in between times, i know that for instance other docs do not take this time off. Recently with my Gynae probs i contacted the Consultants sec to find out what to do about my current pain and probs. She told me that He, the Gynae was on holiday for one week til after the Easter break, but then went on to offer me his email as he would read that at home and be able to respond!! I was shocked that he would offer this, especially as we are talking about a guy who works long hours , has hundreds of patients and a big family of his own to care for. I declined the invitation to email him my sorry condition and asked for other options. She kindly made some good suggestions , was empathetic and supportive and told me when he would be back should i need to still contact him. This was enough for me, but also did highlight the difference in approach to physical probs v mental probs.

Whilst i understand the need to establish 'real life' expectations of others and be mindful of their limitations, i do agree with Real, only yesturday when i was doing some voluntary work , with bf helping out, i commented that when i did work it was rare for me to get national holidays off, and certainly annual leave was a case of book it first or miss out on those dates or that time altogether. I do believe that is mostly the experience for people living in the commercial world.

Sorry those of you who feel Real is being a bit unfair but i really do get her point. I could nt imagine for instance a ward of nursing staff downing tools for a month and saying to all the sick folk, this is the real world, sort your own basic needs out! A harsh illusion i know, but still they are in the caring profession to.

Now having said all this, must say that i am happy with my T just now, we have arrived at a level of understanding about his breaks that i feel i can live with for now.

Watch this space, he's away for a month in August.....my turn to scream is coming!!

((((((((Bpders)))))))

Jai

[samsung]

i hate therapy and with or without therapy i feel the same inside... so it doesnt really matter to me...

Jai.. my friend.... i am here to make you some coffeen and give you some of my Ben and jerrys when you feel like screaming hun!!!

missing you so much

Rachel

[jai]

((((((((Rachel))))))))

I'm here, just trying really hard to keep some perspective whilst my bod is having its hissy fits!! its not fun and i am trying to be stronger than myself just now, later on, i fully intend to fall to peices and scream like a banshee!!

For now hon, im here, and still listening.....

Ben & Jerrys, coffee your company sound coooooooool.....

Jai

x

[samsung]

(((((((jai))))))

please, whatever you do, and whatever you feel... keep yourself safe!!

you have my number, you can call me anytime when things get too tough...

i will come over there and look after you!! that is if my ice cream dont melt!!!!

hey jai... you are special hey!! :bum:

[MrsDerelictContent]

Okay, so if I can put what I mean in a different way.

I don't necessarily mean that therapy is meant to prepare a patient for the work place.

Separation, abandonment, and rejection exist on many levels in life. Rare ones such as death of a close loved one, and more common ones like a friend cancelling on you, getting turned down for a job, having to spend time apart from important people for many reasons.

Therapy is meant to make life easier.

If therapists didn't have holidays then perhaps patients would be more at ease, but they wouldn't learn this kind of lesson. Patients shouldn't become dependant on a therapist, this is bad, and if they do, therapists should not be blamed for it.

I understand that many people feel a very strong attachment to their therapist. Personally I have disattached myself for some time now, to avoid fearing abandonment when therapy inevitably terminates as I soon move half way accross the country for some time.

We know that one or two therapy sessions do not make ahuge difference, it is the ongoing therapeutic relationship that makes the difference, and to create a normal, real-life relationship, therapy should and does reflect real life relationships with the breaks. Therapy is this way - this is real life.

I agree that patients should be given emergency or crisis numbers if there is a perceived crisis that may happen- I have always been given these.. in every day life it is up to the patient to get these.. the fact is if you're not under a section you're deemed to be okay in the real world.

There are plenty of places to go for help, we all know that, it is a patients choice to do this, if they cannot do that, then therapy is probably useless anyway as they need to be ready to get better and do everything in their best interest to help themselves.

As most people in therapy have behavioural disorders, I'd say many crises which occur during holidays are manipulative & if they were encouraged by a decision to keep support there, then it will only reinforce that behaviour so it occurs again.

I had something good to say but my brother distracted me & I've forgotten now!

[jai]

Hi Mrs DC,

That was a good explanation and whilst i am with you whole heartedly in the belief that patients should be asking for and receiving the extra support they need I do believe and have experienced the other side of that particular coin.

By that i mean , for months i have been requesting extra help for the in between times, my T is incredibly busy and really does nt have the time for me in between sessions. So, i did do as you suggest for months with absolutely nothing forthcoming. My problems are wide and varied as many here. However my confidence is very low and i find it hard to reach out , find and access help and for the last year have used internet sites for all my extra support. The second part of this that does nt always works is down to our wonderful NHS and budgets, as far as i can see , unless you need to be sectioned you get the minimum help available, and the better you seemingly cope the less help you will receive.

People ask for help in many ways that are not always so clear or likeable as each other but that does nt mean they should be discounted from receiving it.

I really do see your point but as someone who is currently waiting now for that extra help, and basically have had to point out that without it, being in therapy is not going to work for me, feel that it should nt be so hard to access. Especially as it means that as you say the T's can take breaks and the patients can feel confident that something is in place in their absense and gets us patients used to accessing and using other support services.

For me a level of hand holding is needed, i am just that scared about the whole thing.

In addition to that, feel that support that we find for ourselves may work out and be good for us, but i would rather go with what my T suggests any day of the week. The reason being that there are things i only want to discuss with him in my sessions and secondly that trust being a big issue for all of us, means it is vital that our trust is not further eroded by making a wrong decision about who to go to in a crisis and therefore further eroding our confidence and well being. It would be great in an ideal world if all support organisations would operate to a level of integrity and guidlines but as we know only the desparate and alone will seek out Any help , rather than being able to assess its actual usefulness to them as individuals.

One final note is that i also think that the mental health journey is just that , and i really do believe that as such the road being so long means we are all at different points along that road. I know i am not self aware enough or able to make a good decision regarding finding my own extra support and that is just how it is for me right now. I also know that if i were to go out and jump on the first thing i came across i would end up in a bigger mess than i feel most days now.

Sorry for such a long reply but felt that whilst your reply good, failed to recognise the multitude of reasons why anyone would only turn to their therapist. I believe it goes further than the disorder itself, that is a convenient symptom to explain away the fact that everyone here needs a level of care that at the NHS just can nt sustain and varies from county to county.

[realscape]

I agree with Jai.

I think that many patients needs are not nearly met and it doesn't matter how we ask for them to be met, there isn't enough funding or NHS resources. Many people are master manipulaters and have attachment and codependency issues (strange how they seem to get all the attention anyway isn't it?) but some of us just know we have issues we need to get sorted and are asking for help and support. The fact that the professionals we are asking for that support are short in supply, underfunded, and take academic (abnormally long) holidays makes it almost impossible to get help in the NHS. Some boroughs have put an 8 session limit on CBT regardless of what the presenting problems are. This leaves people without continuity of care. And even those with long term therapy have to cope with the abnormally long holidays, leaves of absence, study days out, illness, pregnancies etc of therapists. Yes, that is the reality of it, and yes it is mentally healthy to accept what reality is, but it doesn't mean it shouldn't be questioned or complained about or that the way it really is is the best way it should be.

I know people who have been through privately funded healthcare facilities MH treatment / rehabs etc paid for by medical insurance and trust me, these issues don't even exist. The only people left working in the NHS are largely there for their own academic progress, hence the academic holidays, and are not serving the needs of people, they are serving their career development and experience modules or case studies IMO.

[jai]

Real,

You know i agree with you and as my therapy free week looms am becoming anxious. I was prepared for it, have done all the stuff that should make it as stable as possible, however i have a current health worry that is nagging away at me, so am not sure how this will manifest iteself when i am alone again. Luckily my bf is only working 4 days with next weekend off.

A week is nt that much to miss in time, but we do have lots going on that means some weeks are like months emotionally and there is too much to cope with at times. Well thats how i feel anyway.

For now, i hope like me everyone is having a sunny easter monday and that life is being kind to them....

Jai

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