My Decision Today

[maxybabes]

WARNING - May trigger

My Decision today

If I was ship wrecked I would walk the plank,

If I had a gun id shoot my self at point blank,

If I had a rope id tie it in hope,

If I had a knife id cut my own throat,

But today is the day ive decided to die,

People will know all the reasons why,

Ive made my decision,

Just got to turn the ignition,

The silent death is what it’s called,

But for me today death is a reward,

I’m fed up of pretending everything’s alright,

When deep down inside id given up this fight,

Someone will find me dead in my car,

This time really ive gone too far.

[wabbit]

Maxy if ya reading this, I would take it, that yesterday wasnt the day. And for that I am grateful, even though I know how hard and how easy that decision is sometimes. Thats where I am right now. I have already been in hospital once this go around and I suspect more is coming. Kick against the pricks, dont let them get the better of ya, certainly dont let them think that you dont deserve to live, because you do, as much as anyone else, even when its hard. Man if I have to stay here in this bastard world, so do you. And I am meaner and uglier than you. Please talk to us. You can email me anytime I dont want ya dying on my shift. We used to say that to our frail patients, once in a while it worked.

Maxy I understand where you are at, cause I am right beside ya. Please email me if ya need to. Please dont kill yaself I need you, we all need ya

[maxybabes]

Hi im sorry if i freaked people out with this i guess i kinda freaked myself out too, you have days where you feel like crap and days where you dont i guess yesterday was one of those crap days, id had a really tearfull session with my CPN yestersay, you know the kind where they want you to talk about all the stuff you cant talk about.

anyway

thanks for replying and taking the time to read it sometimes you dont think people would notice if you wernt around i guess i was wrong,

well today is another day lets see what it brings.

kerrie x

[wabbit]

Damn I cry if you are here, I cry if you arent. But I am glad that you are. We all have those days, I have had a month of it but I am still here. Even though your poem was very graphic, it was also very meaningful, full of pain and hurt, which are all ok, and ya know its OK to express that. Thank Goodness for CPNs even though we know they can be a pain in the bum sometimes, they are the ones that keep our bum outta too much trouble.

Take care, I am glad that you are OK, email me if ya ever need to talk

Wabbit