Sleepless Posted May 25, 2006 Report Share Posted May 25, 2006 Hi i am new here.i just felt like saying hi.im visually impaired as well as having been diagnosed with BPD [amongst other things!] previously.My sitght problems are simple for me to deal with in comparison to my mental health at present which i am really struggling to mangage.i am genreally becoming more anxious,agitated and irritable but i blame myself cos i feel i should be able to handle anything.But i cannot.My currentl personal circumstances are very difficult and i am in a very tricky situation at present.i will not post about it here as i do not swant to trigger others.But i really need supportand someone to talk to.Anyway i just wanted to say hi!Sorry this has been a useless post...Take care allsleepless Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barebones Posted May 25, 2006 Report Share Posted May 25, 2006 welcome sleepless that isnt a wasted post. thanks for putting a intro. i hope that we can help you through your stuggles.take care hun hope to see you around Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted May 25, 2006 Report Share Posted May 25, 2006 hello sleepless and WELCOME,your post wasn't useless at all. It sounds like you are really struggling with your mental health problems as well as real situational problems. that is a tough duo to combat.we have lots of great people here to listen and lend support.thanks for joining us.bets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misunderstood Posted May 25, 2006 Report Share Posted May 25, 2006 welcome sleeplesssorry things are not going your way at the mohopefully talking on here will give some helpmisunderstood Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Louiza Posted May 25, 2006 Report Share Posted May 25, 2006 :welcomeani: Sleepless! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jai Posted May 25, 2006 Report Share Posted May 25, 2006 :bigarmhug[1]: and Welcome Sleepless..im sure that is the first of many hugs...nice to meet you..jaix Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
samsung Posted May 25, 2006 Report Share Posted May 25, 2006 welcome sleepless...you are so welcome here and so valued...i hope you find all the support and care you need here..take carerachel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beth79 Posted May 25, 2006 Report Share Posted May 25, 2006 :welcomeani: sleeplessBeth xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lost_in_time Posted May 25, 2006 Report Share Posted May 25, 2006 hey sweetie..welcome..u have come to the rt place..will try to be there..u can count on us..we understand..prop more than anyone else whats it like to go thru what we do..u can talk to us..send me a private msg if u want ..take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sleepless Posted May 25, 2006 Author Report Share Posted May 25, 2006 Thank you everyone so much for the replies.!!They were so kind of you and mean a lot to me.i have a bit of a problem though.Basically i dont know which forum to post my current situation in or indeed even if the site would appreciate me dpoosing here at all......cos of my situation.im sorry i dont know who to go to to run this past to get advice.Who can i talk to?Can anyone help me on this quiery?i dont want to do the wrong thing for your site...........im sorry.i feel really stupid now.........Take care all and just ignore me.Sorry for posting.sleepless Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vorpalblade Posted May 26, 2006 Report Share Posted May 26, 2006 why would you want people to ignore you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pip Posted May 26, 2006 Report Share Posted May 26, 2006 Welcome Sleepless.Come to chat and talk to people, get to know us - it helps.If you dont want to do that just post.We can all relate to it, I'm sure.The online support is very good tooPipx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dolphin Posted May 26, 2006 Report Share Posted May 26, 2006 hello and welcome Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosehip333 Posted May 26, 2006 Report Share Posted May 26, 2006 welcome sleepless , look forward to getting to know you , we will try to help and support you with whatever is troubling you at the moment, take care , rosehip xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sleepless Posted May 27, 2006 Author Report Share Posted May 27, 2006 Hi everyojne!!Thankyou so much for the welcome!!The support here certainly does seem very good here so far!!It seems there are lot of people here ready to listen and offer support.........and that is always good to see!Thankyou.Vorpalblade you asked why i would m want people to ignore me?Well i think this is a good question.And i apologise cos i dont think i worded it quite right.Firstly i do not feel i desrve to want tohings in life especially positive things..........i feel i should not be entitled to be allowed to want things cos of who i am and how i am as a person.It is complicated and my thinking can often get a bit like that but that is how i feel about myslef.Secondly i guess i just felt that i didnt deserve anything other than being ignored here.Maybe i hsould have said it like that.i feel unworthy and guilty for posting and that i am not worth any replies.Ok thanks for the encouragement for me to talk to people here.And to tell people whats troubling me so i can get support.And i have now decided to try adn take a step towards doing this.i will explain a little more.i am anxious about doing this and hope i do not do it wrongly and that i have worded my siutation in a way that is acceptable to this board.i also feel i should put in an extra trigger warning before i do this as what i have to say next may well trigger people but i hope it wont.Apologies if it does.And if anyone wants to remove it or moderate on this thats fine.TRIGGER SU********Right basically my current situaiton is this.i tired to overdose previously many times in the 'noraml' [sorry couldnt find another appropriate word] way but didnt successfully do what i was trying to ie not be here anymore.So going back just over three years a go or so now i decided that i would take a certain amount [somewhere above the reccommended dose] of a certain medication medication on a daily basis with the aim of it killing me eventually and succeeding in punishing me meanwhile [i feel i must be punished]..........and i thought all of this would take till its conclusion aobut a week perhaps to end it all.How wrong was i?!i am here over three years later......still taking this stuff daily in large quantities.........and still thinking that i need to find death over life.It is complicated.When i first started as i explained above i wqs taking a certain amount of a certain medication somewhere above the reccommended dose daily.........nowadays im taking upto three different medications [but of the same type] daily in quite large quantities.i will not list quantities here but it varies day to day what i take depending on how i am each day but the potential dosage range has widened over time as trhe maximum amount keeps going up.One of the three different medications i only add sometimes and the other two i take without question in large quantites each day.As i say i thought at first this would all take about a week.Obviously it has taken a lot longer........but i have been warned by mental health professionals and people from the local posisons unit that this will probalby result in my death eveentually.......i am struggling too much to want to stop this process now.i still have a lot of the old feelings and they have intensified over time.Ironically though i thought this would only take a week at first this way of things fitted in iwth me and my situation for me........you see i feel i must be punished a lot for various things but particuarly a lot which happened in childhood.i feel i must die to put things right for my parents as they often repeatedly told me when i was younger they wished i was never born so now i feel i should put things right and i guess thats what i would intend with my death but i need to be punished so much first and the way im doing things allows me ot be punished daily......i cannot let myself allow myself to get awsway without being punished.....i am currently feeling very drained and experiencing a lot of effects both emotionally and physically.i have a support worker from a charity for young people who self harm.She has helped me and been there for me so much.i feel im letting her and everyone down.......cos i cannnot decide to live.But i know i cant do it.Apart from that i have had contact iwth mental health team and they are currently tyring to transfer my care to a new team as though i am in the same city i was in refuge and now have my own flat provided by the council but it is in a differnet part of the city and comes under a different mental health team area.i have found the mental health and statuary services ot have too much of a high staff tounover to be much use to me.Not that i think anyone can help me anywya..........but they are aware of my situation.........though i guess i will have to re-explain it all again if the new team here take my care on........and the old psycharist from the other team is leaving anyway......he told me to come back in thrree months if my care hasnt yet been transferred across the city as he says they may have done itt by then or may not so i could end up having to see his replacement though im out of area for that team now before meeting the new team if inddeed they decide to take me on.i have had some support while moving from the local sensory team from social services as i have very poor sight.However they have told the outreach team from the refuge they are not able to support me long term and will disappear soon.Though i love and friercely want ot be independent regardless of my sight diffiuclties this has caused me quite some panic cos as much as i hate ot admit it i know i need assistance at time cos of my sight and i dont have many people around me and wasnt aware the support was going to be over such a limited amount of time.......and due to funding the outreach team from the refuge also have to finish working with me fairly soon as their work as time limited......so i think i may well end up with very little support oson which is probably what i deserve........but i worry and am scared.Sorry this post has been so long and complicated.i just wanted to givre a brief overview of my complicated situation and i hope that i havent done anything wrong in doing so.i worry........Take care and thanks for reading if you got to here!sleepless Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sleepless Posted May 27, 2006 Author Report Share Posted May 27, 2006 Please someone talk to me......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mardybum Posted May 28, 2006 Report Share Posted May 28, 2006 hope your ok Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beth79 Posted May 28, 2006 Report Share Posted May 28, 2006 I really feel for you, and i really do hope you get the support you need. Im here for you. pm any time you want to talk. Beth xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
birdesh Posted May 28, 2006 Report Share Posted May 28, 2006 I understand your situation is very tricky. Here what I can think of : you could feal the fear, but do your best not to panic. Don't panic, and be nice to yourself.you could take care of yourselfand you could accept helpyou could welcome helpTake heartTake care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pip Posted May 28, 2006 Report Share Posted May 28, 2006 Sweetheart,Whatever you are taking please try to cut down then stop.We will try to help, although i do know it is hard.Try to talk to someone.Am always here for youPipxPS - it is hard to kill yourself - think if we put all that energy into something else?Dunno! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sleepless Posted June 1, 2006 Author Report Share Posted June 1, 2006 i know i should be using live support,i know im failing,badmuseless.......i just feel too anxious [i suffere from chronic anxiety abut also being new here rightg now] to do that right nowBut i feel really bad today.im a in a lot of trouble.im huritng a lot and something has happened to make me hurt a great deal more.They want me ot see my psycharist for an emergency pshycharist appointment this afternoon.i cant,i cant,icant and i cant.i know youll all think im bad,that i should go and i know im a failure and that your right.i feel useless.btu i cant copwwe iwth tit right now.Its all my fault iwth the tablets etc.i udndersatnd if you dont want to talk to me anymore anyone or if youd prefer i didnt post.i just feel so desperate and alone.i jsut want someone to be with,to talk to on here or someone please PM.i beg you but i feel so guilty.......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbynormal Posted June 1, 2006 Report Share Posted June 1, 2006 :welcomeani: be good to get to know you Abby Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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