Agraphobia And Social Phobia

[mrs tree]

I sturggle with both of these and have done for years...I am always been told small steps to gain my confidence but always end up back in the same place...My T has told me to go out every day yet it only takes a couple of days in the house and i end up fearful of leaving the house..I find answering the phone hard contact with anyone in the 3D world..I have been going to college since september and still get freaked out at the thought of been in the classroom with them .There are only 6 people in our group and that seems to many.

I talked to my s.worker previously and she says the only way they work with it there is decentitisation. I really don't think this is the answer for me and was wondering if anyone had any other ideas or had tried anything that had worked

Thanks

Mrs TRee

[wednesday]

I wonder what you think of applying CBT techniques to this sort of situation. Have you been taken through a course on CBT?

[alphaOmega]

Hi Mrs. Tree, I am like this, too. My social phobia fluctuates from one situation to another, one day to another, but its always there at some level. Mostly I want to hide.

Medicine, some of the ssri's work, but they take time to build up in your system. Sometimes other meds work for situational anxiety (valium, propanalol/inderal). But the desensitization is the thing that builds confidence that lasts the longest.

But the thing is, you have to use it or lose it-- I used to be pretty good at going someplace by myself, but since graduation and staying at home, my problems have come back. It sucks to have to go thru it all again. Wish there ws an easier answer for both of us.

But you can do it- I'm not just saying that, either. It takes time and patience with yourself, but you are so worth it.

Good luck {{{}}}

[pip]

I don't think of myself with agrophobia - but I don't want to go out!

I get panic attacks in busy places - I can't cope with people.

At the moment I only really go to the beach with my dogs - which I can cope with.

Since ODing last week, I am not allowed anywhere - suits me.

Don't even want to think of the answer - too upsetting.

Pip

x

[suchcrazyness]

Wikipedia says:

"Literally translated in modern Greek as "a fear of the marketplace". A common misconception is that agoraphobia is a fear of open spaces. This is most often not the case since people suffering from agoraphobia usually are not afraid of the open spaces themselves, but of public spaces or of situations often associated with these spaces."

think it makes a lot of things make sense...

[Eva*]

I'm suffering from both on and off.

It got so bad that I sometimes felt like in a horror film as soon as I left the house. The outside world was surreal and my flat felt so narrow that I just wanted fresh air and company, just the things that were frightening. Shit scary and draining.

It got a bit better since I take Efexor. Otherwise I could have never survived this weekend! Well, I wouldn't have survived knowing this weekend was coming up most probably!

It helps me to have tranquilisers at hand, too. I never go out without them and I know that I'll have something that helps me if a situation is too much for me.

But I think it's really important to build up the confidence step by step and practising over time.

[realscape]

I feel the same Tree.

I don't know what the solution is. You could keep 'forcing' yourself to attend the group and see if it gets easier, maybe take diazepam before you go until you get used to it?

I have the same experiences but fortunately don't have to overcome it (insofar as I'm not doing anything and don't have to confront it). I dunno whether we should be left alone or whether we should be forced to socialise. My psych said "life is about people" and I have to work on this problem. Autistic people don't have to. They get accepted for being eccentric loners, why can't we, if that's where we're at? I disagree with her, I don't think life has to be about people. Nobody knows what life is about, including her.

Anyway, in my mind Tree, the question is, is your desire to participate in the college group enough to motivate you to do whatever it takes to overcome this problem? If so, probably lots of different experiments to see how you could cope with it may be required. For example, would someone from college meet you on the way there and go 'with' you? Could a supportive friend go with you? Would anyone be prepared to give you ring before you go, to help motivate?

[Eva*]

There seems to be a tendency to force people to be socially active. I'm quite shocked because I heard about my step mum's mum today, a sort of grandma for me.

She is in an old people's residence with her own flat and lots of independence. And she's a bit of a loner, doesn't meet up with the other residents often. Now the people who run the residence wrote that she should join a group for socially inept people. She doesn't suffer from being alone, she likes it that way! It just sounds so cruel to me to do that to a 96 year old.

[birdesh]

Realscape, it's true few people know what life is about.

In my opinion, people can live purposefully only if they interact with, take care of, help, sympathize with, love, are loved by, have fun with, are in the company of other people.

In my opinion, everything else is utterly pointless AND leads to misery.

That's my opinion about life.

[Betsy]

Autistic people don't have to. They get accepted for being eccentric loners, why can't we, if that's where we're at?

Real,

I don't think this is the same situation at all. there is a wide range of autism and some with aspbergers (the socially inept) people usually want to fit in and simple don't know how. they can be taught but it is situational... they have to be taught each situation because they can't generalize. i think most want acceptance and want to be social. they aren't eccentric they have real differences in their brains that hamper their ability to compete and relate in society, and even really understand society.

now i think if it makes you happy and you function well alone and your lifestyle can be supported there isnt a problem with not going out. but most of the people i know with agoraphobia really wish they didn't feel that way and are unhappy with their inability to participate outside their homes. granted i only know about 5 people so this is not statistically significant but does form my oppion... which is only that, oppion.

i wish people who want change and interaction can achieve and those that are happy in their own settings are left alone. i think there is room for everyone in this world.

bets

[birdesh]

Bet, I'm socially inept. Do you think I might be an aspberger autist ?

[Betsy]

birdish... i am not qualified to dx. aspbergers is a complex dx at best. social ineptness can be overcome a lot of the times by people who have it. i'd also say the percentage of people who are socially inept that have aspbergers or autism is really low.

bets

ps - my husband was pretty socially inept when i married him but i have "trained" him and he is pretty "ept" now. lol

[birdesh]

What would be the difference between a persistent social awkwardness, a social phobia and an aspberger syndrom ?

[Betsy]

birdish... i think you are getting out of my league here. i could google all those and give you an answer but why don't you try that?

we are kinda hyjacking mrs tree's post here... so why don't you start a new thread about this subject and how it is affecting you? just an idea. it sounds like plenty of people are interested in this type of topic.

bets

[mrs tree]

Have you been taken through a course on CBT?

I have done DBT but not CBT the one mindfullness does help at times when i am going out but other times i can't breathe get dizzy.

I do want things to be different i don't have this longing to have friends but do want to be able to manage outside the house without everytime i leave the house it becomes a challenge.

I do take lorazepam to get out when i need to. i haven't managed since september to go to college once without it..Hubby drops me off walks me to the door and collects me from inside the college but i feel just like i want to escape back to my safe place(home).

I get panicky when i am in the city..The last time i went on the city alone which was about 3 months ago i completely disassociated and lost time ended up crying on the phone to hubby to calm me down enough to be able to get home..I want to be able to do the normal things..We ran out of bread today...I told hubby i would go and fetch it to motivate me to go out..We still have no bread...just thiking about going out increases my anxiety

And alpha you are right about the use it or lose it but it takes so little to put me back..I have had T's telling me to build up going out for the last 10 years and it gets better then worse again..i just can't see how this is a solution..

Mrs Tree

[birdesh]

Don't think I'm hyjacking anything but I guess starting a new post about the subject can be done.

[Betsy]

no offense meant. they just seemed to me to be a little different and responding to you i guess I FELT LIKE I was hyjacking her thead. not you. found your questions interesting to and thought maybe they could be explored in more dept seperately.

bets

[birdesh]

Sorry Bets, I tend to get unduly angry sometimes.

My apologies to you.

[Betsy]

not a problem. i think many times i come across as blunt ( probably because that is one of my downfalls). but i am never here to critisize anyone... so i'm glad we all sorted!

bets

[flora]

We're getting into neurological diagnoses here!! As I understand it, aspergers is a type of high-functioning autism (meaning no low IQ) - but with a spcial interest in one area - i knew a boy with aperger's who had memorised every phone book in the UK. He didn't understand why it wasn't socially appropriate to talk about it non-stop.

Theoretically, what autistic people have a problem with is called "theory of mind", which means understanding other people's perspctive as different from their own.

I have been diagnosed with a developmental right hemisphere dysfunction, which means that I lack some social awareness. I can't appreciate non-verbal cues, apparently, so what isn;t told to me explicitly, i sometimes don't get. But as Betsy said, I have learnt. So most situations, I can deal with. That's not all of my problem, just a part of it - it means I have a huge differential between my verbal abilities (which are high) and my performance ability, which is more mathematical. My shape and space is useles, I can't ride a bike or drive a car - and i have some difficulties with co-ordination (when askd by the neurologist to walk with my eyes closed, I couldn;t do it - i was relying on my sight). It's caused by a deficit of white matter in the brain which means signals aren't getting thru properly.

Don't know if that helps anyone. It's just that there are lots of different reasons for social difficulties. I know that I am aware of other people's feelings - sometimes too aware, and can't detach from it.....

The national autism society can give you info on autism - they have a website. If you're worried, talk to your dr?

For me, the label doesn;t make much difference. It's the learning to work around it that matters.

Flora xoxoxox

[realscape]

Well, just to add to this debate some more - sorry I guess I am hijacking the thread - sorry tree!

I recently read a book about Asperger's by Prof Baron-Cohen. It was explained in that book that one part of the autism spectrum covers people who are high IQ but socially uncomfortable. Some of them are flying under the radar as normal people - working in IT jobs and not really having many friends or having one supportive partner and not much else. Easy for men to be like that with a nice wife to care for them I guess, not so easy for women to break so many stereotypes and find a partner. Some high functioning autism people are fabulous at understanding how to learn how to look like they fit in socially but never feel truly comfortable socially and have a natural preference to be alone. I feel like that. I always felt like that since I was a little kid. Now I find myself in a situation where I'm being told that my natural preference is abnormal and I have to be forced to socialise. I would prefer to be supported in strengthening my position as a loner. For example, I have insecure housing and this causes me a great deal of anxiety. I know that people with lots of friends would stay with one of their friends if something went wrong with their housing for example. For me, I need to know that I can get professional assistance with housing if I need to because I haven't got lots of friends. I would rather be supported like that, than forced into socialising.

I agree with my therapist, and with Birdesh and Betsy. But if you like being alone, and don't feel lonely, just want to be left alone and not witch-hunted or derided or viewed with suspicion as a lone female, what then? I can hardly 'overcome' my lack of desire to socialise if I don't really want to can I? And that is what I meant about some diagosed Aspergers / Autism people, they are facilitated to survive but not enforced to change. I know its abnormal but can I be forced into normalness against my wishes, I dunno?

[Betsy]

dunno either. but do you really want and enjoy being alone or is that just your coping mechanism.

truely no offense meant.

bets

[realscape]

Hi Betsy (Sorry Tree, this thread has been truly hijacked, many apologies.)

No offense taken. Thats a question I wondere. If it is a coping mechanism then it has been since I was small so I don't know any different, how it would feel not to have it. Being alone is ingrained in me now as a natural preference that feels as right as breathing. They say people with aspergers feel like fresh water fish being put into salt water lakes. They're still fish, they're still in water, but something is wrong. I'm not saying I should have that diagnosis but when I read that, I was like yeah I relate. I guess we all feel like that here anyway.