verbena Posted October 27, 2004 Report Share Posted October 27, 2004 It occurs to me this morning that when I was in therapy, I was somebody, and I was cared for. Now that I am adrift again, I feel of little importance, and cut loose and forgotten. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted October 27, 2004 Report Share Posted October 27, 2004 verbena... you are still somebody... therapy doesnt change that, labels dont change that, you are somebody.. and somebody who is pretty important here. bets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted October 27, 2004 Author Report Share Posted October 27, 2004 Monday and Tuesday were good, though I was beginning to fade yesterday, and had to get into the bath as soon as I got home from work. I'm afraid today is not turning out very well. Foggy, heavy, argumentative, hateful. Feel unloved, uncared for, unnoticed, forgotten. Not by you guys, so there's not point in getting on and reminding me you are all here. I know that. This place is as I have said, all I have going these days. But it isn't real. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted October 27, 2004 Author Report Share Posted October 27, 2004 I'm sorry Bets. For the message above, for the pm's, just sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted October 27, 2004 Author Report Share Posted October 27, 2004 Feel like I've alienated everybody. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jo Posted October 27, 2004 Report Share Posted October 27, 2004 ((((ver))) you havnt alienated everyone! sounds like its just one of them days! i sometimes get so that i think some people dont like me, notice me etc... but as soon as i speak to them again it all changes lol and like Bets said you are important here. see you around, take care, jo xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladylazurus27 Posted October 27, 2004 Report Share Posted October 27, 2004 i know how you feel. i don't feel like anyone latey, fading and empty. however on days where i have to meet with my thearpist or pharmocothearpist, i feel like someone again, just for a little while. i don't know how to help you at this very moment because i feel the same way. but, know that you are not alone it what you are going through. if i figure out any secret techniques that get me outta this, i'll let you know asap! love you ann, hang in there! ~kristy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted October 27, 2004 Author Report Share Posted October 27, 2004 Thanks Kristy, it's so hard to believe that anyone else knows how this feels, yet I think you do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginny Posted October 27, 2004 Report Share Posted October 27, 2004 Verbena, I have had a lot of trouble with trying to prove my own existence - I am very aware of how you feel. We have never talked in chat so we have never met, but I have read a lot of your posts and you are very real to me..... Your opinions and advice are SO very, very helpful to people. I know we are not in each others lives on here but we ARE in each others minds. You are very important to this site from what I can see - so even on your horrible days, please try and take comfort in that.... You are probably not even aware of my existence but you are in my mind because of the things you post and the comfort you give others. Give yourself a break, girlfriend - you are loved. Ginny B) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted October 27, 2004 Author Report Share Posted October 27, 2004 Ginny, The cool smiley is my favorite...I used to use it a lot, haven't for a long time. (((((((((((((Ginny)))))))))))) Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginny Posted October 28, 2004 Report Share Posted October 28, 2004 Just try and keep smiling verbena, The powers that be just hate it..... Ginny ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted October 28, 2004 Author Report Share Posted October 28, 2004 Today I can smile - yesterday I wouldn't have known how, and tomorrow? Who the hell knows!! Thanks everybody. You make a difference even if I don't show it right away. Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flippy Posted October 30, 2004 Report Share Posted October 30, 2004 As usual im terribly late but i ask this question all the time and i was talking to my friends husband about it and he just said "that's easy.... you are you" and i thought about this and he's right i am me, i have many different aspects to me some good and some bad but im still me. so now if the question pops into my head i tell myself i am me. flippy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted October 31, 2004 Author Report Share Posted October 31, 2004 Bets, it is soooo tempting. This new guy wants me to come back. He wants me to see a psyc and get different meds. When I tell him it's too hard to be done or be seperated between appointments, he says "why be done?" says he has a patient who he has been seeing on and off for 30 years. I complained that I couldn't find anyone who wanted to make a commitment. I complained that I felt like nobody because I wasn't a patient anymore. But when I left this guys office, all I could remember was the other one telling me that therapy is not good for me, knowing that it does rocket my emotions, and makes me think about it tooooo much alllll the time, that it prevents me from taking care of myself. So I didn't make anymore appointments. And at the moment I have no plans to. I have felt good for three days in a row, and so am not likely to change my mind now. And when I feel bad, all I want is the old one anyway-all I can think is that it was my fault things didn't go better, and that now I would see what I was doing wrong, etc. So you see, I think I've been a bit poisoned on therapy. I still remember how much it hurt right after, and it's been more than two weeks, and I still have raw spots. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted October 31, 2004 Report Share Posted October 31, 2004 verbena.. seems to me you should get in your thinking mind... this guy is willing to make a commitment... what is the problem that you would rather hang on the the past than move forward? sorry if this seems rough but it seems to me what you wanted??? i am confused? why dont you try a few appts and see how you feel? bets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted November 1, 2004 Author Report Share Posted November 1, 2004 You know me Bets. In a few appointments I can fall in love. I am considering it. I'm just not in a hurry. He'll always be there. It's just still too painful. It would be a way to get the other one out of my head a bit sooner. If he just hadn't said "Therapy is not good for you." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted November 1, 2004 Report Share Posted November 1, 2004 take care of yourself verbena... you know what is best. (((((((( hugs ))))))))))))) bets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted November 1, 2004 Author Report Share Posted November 1, 2004 Glad this fucked up day is done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted November 2, 2004 Author Report Share Posted November 2, 2004 Take care everyone. See you in a day or so......... Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted November 4, 2004 Author Report Share Posted November 4, 2004 BIG, BIG SIGH.........SO GLAD TO BE WITH YOU ALL AGAIN.. ANN Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted November 4, 2004 Author Report Share Posted November 4, 2004 Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I guess I'll go eat worms...sat waiting in chat for 28 minutes. Yes, Joshua, I know it's not chat on command. Should be. When it's me. Maybe I really was invisible? :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tory Posted November 9, 2004 Report Share Posted November 9, 2004 (((Ver))) Sorry no one came into chat. Try using live support if u want to talk. Hope your ok, am thinking of u. Take care Tory Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted November 9, 2004 Author Report Share Posted November 9, 2004 Tory, I thought about live support, but I felt like it wasn't just to chat, but reserved for crisis, and I guess I didn't necessarily feel I was in crisis, just lonesome. It made me think of a few weeks ago, I called a crisis line 200 miles away that I used to use a lot 20 years ago, but I couldn't remember whether I had to be ready to jump off a building before they would speak to me, so I asked, "Is this line only for emergencies?" and the guy said "Yes." and I think he hung up on me. Anyway, I don't even remember what happened after I posted - probably nothing, since as I have been told, too much just makes me worse, so better to just ignore me sometimes. And there may be some truth to that. Thanks for following up with me Tory - that was really thoughtful... Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted November 9, 2004 Report Share Posted November 9, 2004 verbena, live support isnt just for a crisis... loneliness is a good enough reason in my book. bets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted November 9, 2004 Author Report Share Posted November 9, 2004 Thanks, Bets...I'll remember that next time I'm feeling invisible. XX Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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