mrs tree Posted June 29, 2006 Report Share Posted June 29, 2006 I am so alone right now and it doesn't matter either...The world continues wether i feel alone or not people get on wtih their lives wether i feel alone or not....I feel so distant from hubbby that i can't be bothered to speak to him...His reponse sleep . he wnet to bed early last night to avoid me..got up late went to the gym and then went back to sleep on the sofa inder MY quilt...I have to speak to him soon i need him totake me to the docs don't want him to go but don't want to leave the house alone...Catch 22...I have to go to get my stiches removed but in reality i don't want them removed...removing the stitches implys the wound has healed and while the pyhsical wound has the wound inside hasn't..I keep trying to tell myself I hate my s.worker but reality I don't i just am really hurt and it is easier to feel angry at her than to admit she has been able to wound me so badly....I can't phone her and tell her how badly i feel .I just can't allow anyone to know they have that power over me...I am just left feeling more vunerable...I feel alone I am alone...prolly a victim of my own isolation...Mrs Tree Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beth79 Posted June 29, 2006 Report Share Posted June 29, 2006 I don't hate you mrs tree. i like you ((((((((((mrs tree)))))))))) Beth xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pip Posted June 29, 2006 Report Share Posted June 29, 2006 Snap(to how you are feeling - not the hubby bit)Hope you are okWorms are yummy - I've eaten loads due to having no friendsPipx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted June 29, 2006 Report Share Posted June 29, 2006 it is hard to let your t know how much of a life line they are but it is part of the process of therapy. they work to get you to put that kind of trust in them. if you feel that way it is probably a good thing. why don't you phone her up and let her help?xxxbets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drew Posted June 29, 2006 Report Share Posted June 29, 2006 i dont hate u hun i hope things pick up for u soon x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barebones Posted June 29, 2006 Report Share Posted June 29, 2006 here for you mrs tree ((((hugs))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jai Posted June 29, 2006 Report Share Posted June 29, 2006 (((((((Mrs Tree))))))the DVLA will get a SORN doc cos you reminded me, how can i hate the person that saved me bacon ?sorry you are feeling so bad just now.....theres no hating going on here, just a big pat on the back, you give good advice and take time to support eveyone here...thanks for being you Mrs Tree and dont forget to allow yourself to need and take the help, thats what its there for hon...loveJaix Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrs tree Posted June 29, 2006 Author Report Share Posted June 29, 2006 Actually told hubby...I felt that he didn't wan to be close to me...felt ablone blah blah...He denied there was anything going on and said he did want to lie on the sofa with me....Felt slightly better but now he has gone out the back with his mates which prolly doesn't seem that bad but I know there is something going on...He was trying to sneak his wallet out the house...I know it..he knows i know it he left it and said there is nothing in it anyway...There is £5 in there he had £40 on Tuesday so where has £35 gone???? It is kinda difficult for me to ask though as i have handed over all responsibility for our money to him....I never spend money just always seem to be saying no to him and telling him there is nothing in the account so whatever but I do think the money is going somewhere drink drugs ? dunno time will tellsticthes are out nurse was nice to me you know where we are if you need our help...dunno how to tell someone they just made my life worse by removing my stitchesMrs Tree Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spaghetti Posted June 29, 2006 Report Share Posted June 29, 2006 Hi Mrs Tree, I always find that money slips through my fingers like water. I never really know what I have spent it on - a newspaper or an ice cream - but the money soon goes - unless you are very careful that is. which I am not . Probably because I like to treat the kids to the things that I was always denied, ya know, little things - not always saying no to them. Anyway, I digress. What i wanted to say is that i think you have done the most important thing already and that is to talk to one another about what you are feeling. Remember, you can be on different ends of the spectrum when it comes to emotions - my partner doesnt show much emotion but I know that he would do anything for me - and he has had to do so much - he was here for me when really i deserved no one. I , on the other hand am very demonstrative - I put him on a pedestal - and show so much love. problem is i get upset when he fails to return it - but i know deep down he loves me - he just has a problem showing it. All i wanted to say is that we are all different but you have done a good thing and that is to talk to one another - that is always the first step and i find that it always helps. peace and love xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
samsung Posted June 29, 2006 Report Share Posted June 29, 2006 (((((((((((((((((mrs tree))))))))))))))))))i care for you!!!!you know that!!!dont eat that worms!!please!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orangesoup Posted June 29, 2006 Report Share Posted June 29, 2006 ((((((((((Mrs Tree))))))))))Sorry hugs are all I can offer :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jewel Posted June 29, 2006 Report Share Posted June 29, 2006 (((((((Mrs Tree)))))) I like you, and like having you as part of our family here. Im sorry your going through a hard time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrs tree Posted June 29, 2006 Author Report Share Posted June 29, 2006 I was right i knew it but wish i was worng It all came out tonight....I called him back from his friends ( sound like his mom not his wife) He stunk of dope he sat in the lounge prtotesting his innocence...He then went to make a coffe and i know why to cover the smell...I said if you are so innocent let me smell your breathe...it stank of fags...We have this argument over his secret smoking ,drinking drug smoking regulary....It always end up the same her tells me he's sorry i tell him i have heard it often enough to mean nothingI told him when he starts on this chemical path the first thing he does is block me out no longer care about our relationship just focus on gettting his fix...I get told that it is me that it is my insecureties my abandonment issues when it is my intution that tells me something isn't quite right...He is now walking on eggshells ( well he's asleep actually) and trying not to say anything to prevent any more anger coming out of my mouth...The thing is it has all been said before so why should i belive him anymore this time than last and in fact i trust him less....I have told him he destroys trust in our realtionship how do i know whats true and whats not.I said maybe my m & D taught me the most valuable leasson " trust no fucker" and right not thats where i am at....been to bed as am tired but got up can't sleep.mrs tree Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orangesoup Posted June 29, 2006 Report Share Posted June 29, 2006 *hugs* I'm sorry hun.The best bet would be to sit down and talk to him about it(sounds obvious I know). But talk to him rationally, tell him how it affects you, and your relationship. Maybe bring up him getting some sort of help for the drugs? He doesn't seem to be able to kick it by himself.I'm sorry you are going through this. It must be very hard for you to deal with. :bigarmhug[1]: :hug2: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pip Posted June 29, 2006 Report Share Posted June 29, 2006 (((MrsTree)))Wish I could say something to make it ok - but can't think of anything that would ring true.I hope you have a better day tomorrow(Could you hide his wallet, or steal his money?)Pipx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted June 29, 2006 Report Share Posted June 29, 2006 mrs tree,i think you did get something valuable out of this. you have established that he will use your illness to cover his own tracks. there must be loss of trust on that level to. he wants his drugs so much he is will to endanger your stability by giving you a false sense of yourself. i am glad you called him on it.at this point i don't think talking to him will help except for a small amount of time.. he will go back to what he does. the question is do you want to live with that for the rest of your life. since you have threatened him before he no longer believes you will actually do anything about the situation.of some possible help might be:1) mediation by a third party2) a third party keeping your money.. paying bills and giving each of you an allowance.i view #2 as a short term fix while #1 might work for a long time.just offering what came to my mind.bets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bibiddi Posted June 30, 2006 Report Share Posted June 30, 2006 mrs tree,is it possible to speak to your s. worker,she may help.I dont know,but just throwing out thoughts.Using drugs and alcohol are poor coping strategies.Is your husband able to talk to you or someone else about what is going on for him?It may be an idea to tell him how his coping methods affect you and your relationship.Whatever you do, take care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrs tree Posted June 30, 2006 Author Report Share Posted June 30, 2006 Thanks for your suggestions....Still feel quite in shcok right now ( if that makes sense)We have been here before an usually i expect to be here again...when he came out of hosp and he admitted how bad things had become and we wrote up all these boundrery things for him...i went through distress tolerance and helping compile a list of alternatives this wasn't just about drugs about SH too...He knows how i feel ...I try and tell him stuff in a different way each time and then he says he s sorry doesn't want to make me feel like that.I don't think there is anything more i can say to him that hasn't already been said..I don't think he said anything that hasn't already been said before.He said he isn't going to watch the England game with his mates it would be too much temptation...The thing is an i told him this he is on Zyban and he has been smoking for the past 1 1/2 weeks he told me eventually so he hasn't been taking his zyban properly so says he will start taking that properly....I told him zyban isn't some magic pill....You stop taking zyban after a few weeks and he deals with everything by smoking drinking etc..I'm upset he'll have a fag,hes had a stressful day he'll have a joint,i had to take wife to a&e have a drink...I don't know if i am expecting too much for him to change? I really can't keep going on the way we do.And i have thought about talking through a third party but i really am unsure what would be said that isn't already...He knows how i feel....I told him each time he touches a drug of anykind he pulls away from me that is dmaging to our realtionship...I have told him this is the last time but doubt he believes that i don't believe it eitherMrs Tree Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pip Posted June 30, 2006 Report Share Posted June 30, 2006 Zyban is serious stuff to mess about with.I hope things get better(((MrsTree)))Pipx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrs tree Posted June 30, 2006 Author Report Share Posted June 30, 2006 what do you mean pip?Mrs Tree Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pip Posted June 30, 2006 Report Share Posted June 30, 2006 I am not allowed to answeras a moderator you would give me into trouble!!!!Zyban isn't a drug to be played withHope you are okPipx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
samsung Posted June 30, 2006 Report Share Posted June 30, 2006 zyban helps to stop smoking Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrs tree Posted June 30, 2006 Author Report Share Posted June 30, 2006 Had a shit day...cried most of it.....nothing is resolved , no answers he says he will end up doing the same thing again so am i a dorrmat? I feel i have 3 options1- to stay in this cycle2- to leave although leave to what I don't do anything go anywhere alone..I can't even cope a day without him so prolly not even a realistic option3- kill myself...I am sure it sounds melodramitc but i really don't see i have other options.He says he knows he is on a redcard but so what ?? its not like i've not said this stuff before...I phoned a friend earlier to see if i could go stay there get my head sorted but she wasn't in...She has phoned but now i can't summon up the motivation to leave the house...even get dressed really....you know the saying shit happens then you die...well the shit has happened...now waitingMrs Tree Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orangesoup Posted June 30, 2006 Report Share Posted June 30, 2006 ((((((((Mrs Tree)))))))If your hubby has been in rehab, does he have any support options now that he is out to stop him falling back into his old habbits?I think it would be a good idea for you to go and stay witha friend for a while, just to show him that you mean business...Maybe it will give him a kick in the backside.Killing yourself isn't a good option here! These things can be resolved. It won't be easy. But if your hubby thinks that you really will leave him if he doesn't sort himself out, then maybe that will give him the motivation to actually do it.Take care hun x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted June 30, 2006 Report Share Posted June 30, 2006 death isnt the answer to this. maybe a vacation from him is. how about you stay and he leaves. not to be back in the house until you ask him back. meet periodically away from home so you can see how he is doing if you want him back.it might do him some good if he learned how to miss you.bets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.