This Place Is Pissing Me Off.......

[orangesoup]

No Bets it was directed at the original poster.... :hug2:

[brassed2bits]

OK JOPO, IF IT IS A PERSONAL REPLY YOU REQUIRE HERE GOES ;

IF I HAVE IGNORED YOUR REPLIES, I AM SORRY. I DO NOT SPEND MY LIFE ON THIS SITE TRAWLING THROUGH MY LAST POSTS, MAKING SURE I HAVE ANSWERED EVERYONE WHO RESPONDS TO POSTS.

THE TIMES I HAVE POSTED ON HERE IN CRISIS, HAVE NOT BEEN VERY OFTEN, AND WHEN I DID, I DIDN'T GET MANY REPLIES AND FELT IGNORED AND UPSET.

THE REPLIES I GOT WERE PLATITUDES, WHICH IS ALL WE CAN GIVE HERE, LIKE BETSY SAID, IT STARTS TO FEEL LIKE A VIRTUAL HUG SITE SOMETIMES.

I AM IN THE SAME POSITION AS MOST OF YOU, SO I DO UNDERSTAND HOW HARD IT IS TO DO ANYTHING WHEN YOU FEEL SHIT, BUT ........

THE POINT OF MY POST WAS TO REMIND EVERYONE, AS WELL AS MYSELF, THAT THE ANSWERS FOR RECOVERY CAN MOSTLY BE FOUND IN OURSELVES.

IF YOU KNOW THAT, AND DON'T DO IT, AS YOU SAY IN YOUR POST, THEN WHY NOT?? MAYBE THE ANSWER TO THAT IS A BIT UNCOMFORTABLE.

THERE HAVE BEEN LOTS OF POSTS ON HERE ABOUT NOT BEING SURE IF WE WANT TO GET BETTER. SEEMS FEASIBLE TO ME.

I AM SORRY IF YOU FEEL ATTACKED BY THIS THREAD. AS IN AALL THINGS YOU HAVE A CHOICE ... READ OR DON'T READ, ACT OR DON'T ACT. IF YOU FEEL UNCOMFOTABLE OR THREATENED, MAYBE IT IS BECAUSE YOU HAVE BEEN CHALLENGED.

[pip]

I suppose we are just trying to survive

(((Brassed)))

(((Jopo)))

[bibiddi]

When someone posts that they are in a bad place,I like to see a mixture of posts,some simply giving hugs,and some that try and help the original poster think about where they are,and that its not as overwhelming as it feels.

But having BPD is like being on a rollercoaster,some days I feel I can climb Everest,and some days I cant climb out of my bed.If you've sunk real low,its often difficult to accept the help being offered.

Sometimes when I feel low,any words of advice feel like an attack,because I'm being asked to do too much,and its adding to my feelings of inadequacy.(I remember my CPN telling me to plug in my hoover,and not do anything more,as at the time I wasnt able to clean my house.That was too much for me and I sunk even lower,as its not a difficult thing to do.)

I think what I'm trying to say is,its good to try and help people here,but not to expect it to be taken on.It may very well be stored in peoples mind and used at a later date,or someone else reading the post can use that help for themselves.

xx

[Eva*]

Apart from the last ten days or so I have read most posts on the site for a while and I don't think it's so very true what you said, Brassed. I can remember quite some topics that included advice to get better and responses of the people who got that advice.

I don't think that this topic has changed anything about how anyone feels here to be honest. Some people posted their attitudes and they met yours more or less, but I don't believe that they were generated by your post.

I try to give advice very often and I am glad if people try and give me advice and I do take the ideas on board and see which ones might help me. I do just give hugs as well when I feel like I really don't have any ideas to someone's problem but want to show some support anyway.

This site is important to me because I thought I was allowed to feel bad and not to know what to do about it to get out of it. I post about better times as well, but when I'm desperate I need most support.

My opinion about therapists is that even if a t hasn't gone through those feelings a good one accepts how bad it is for us and has enough empathy to make us feel understood. I think what you wrote about them sort of contradicts your main point as well. Talking to a person who doesn't have the urge to sh gives you another perspective and shows you that our take on things is changed through our experiences. To speak to someone who has never hated themselves enough to want to destroy themselves is important I think. Someone who doesn't feel the same but still doesn't judge you for habits you developed to cope. Talking to someone 'sane' is an attempt to see their point of view and be able to slowly accept that as something closer to the truth.

All that I said doesn't mean that I don't think this site can help in many ways. Someone might have found a way to cope with exactly what you're going through right now and can share those experiences with.

At the end of the day many of us feel lonely and it is enough at times to get hugs and have people tell you that you're a precious person and they care and listen. That we can be ourselves and can be insecure or bitchy and everyone has an idea where it might be coming from and is not too alienated. Sometimes it's good to let it out and not get good advice to get over it quick. I don't ALWAYS want to feel like I'm not good enough the way I am. People around me make me feel like that often enough.

Sorry for rambling on and on.

Eva

[Betsy]

eva,

i dont think you were rambling.

i think everyone here has made excellent points and it all adds to better understanding. i know there are times when there really is no advice and we just want to know someone is out there caring.

and also, there are other times where some suggestions might really help. hard to know the difference sometimes.

everyone here makes the choice of whether to follow the advice or not. i think that is good. we haven't relinquished all control over our lives.

thanks for the comments. i still think this thread is good. we have all shared feeling and differences and are all still friends! isnt that amazing.

bets

[orangesoup]

B2B...Challenged no. Threatened, yes.

When someone posts in all capitals, that is in internet language the same as shouting at someone...Which is an aggressive way to get your point across.

I challenge myself all the time, and I have my counsellor to challenge me also. And you say they don't understand "they are not one of us". Well mine has been through depression and sui attempts and numerous other things, and she is actually trained to help people like me.

I bet that most people on here know that only they can fix thier problems, it isn't something that a magic wand can fix! Non of us are so naieve to think that someone else can fix it for us.

You asked if I knew this then why don't I do it...Well I think you will find I had already responded to that earlier.

But for me(I can't speak for anyone else here), I am scared of making changes, scared in the long run of being well, because I have been ill for so long it is safe, I know where I am, where I am may not be good...But at least I know it well.

Yes I have a choice to read or not...I have no problem reading the thread. But I am entitled to state my opinion as much as anyone else is.

[pip]

Ok

I am sticking my head out of my pit

I hope this is ok

I agree very much with Jopo

Today I feel happy, as I did yesterday,

but it came from me.

Change can be hard

-my cpn says I should only do what I am capable of.

I do try to push - but not cos anyone tells me

Cos I sometimes feel I can.

LOVE YOU ALL

Pip

x

[Betsy]

i think we all do what we can and no one should be made to feel bad because their "can" is different from others

[pip]

Thanks Betsy

[brassed2bits]

Jopo,

I am sorry for my use of capitals. It wasn't intended to mean anything, and I certainly didnt intend to shout anything at anyone.

My post was started after days and days of reading so many negative, helpless posts, that seemed to send everyone who responded into a huge downward spiral.

As I have already said, I know where people are coming from (sort of) as I feel so crap myself so often, , but we all seem to chase around after therapists, medications, GPs, anything to make us better, when, really, that is ultimately in our own hands.

You are of course, entitled to read and respond to any thread, just as I am to start one and to stand by what I say.

[samsung]

omg

what is going on in here today?

you are arguing in a circle...

both feel unhappy... obviously

i try and give advice in a sentence b2b. sometimes i am just not fucking capable of saying anything or talking.. and then i will post a hug coz i do want you to know that i care, understand and read it.. but i cant find the energy to reply.

and if ANYBODY dont like my hug.. just ignore it!!!

i know how everything feels... but my god if i for startert knew how to change to the better i would have followed it and would not have found this site.

so all of us that are here was at some stage or still is not in a good place.. coz otherwise we would not have googled for help and have found this site.. we are not qualified therapists.. we are people that is hurting.. hurting because we were hurt...

and because i have my phd in selfharm and a degree in bpd doesnot mean i know more than a professional therapist.

i am a teacher. i studied to be a teacher.. and would really be pissed of with one of my kids if they came to me and told me they want to teach now coz they are kids.. that is currently in school and knows how it feel...thinking they can do a better job coz they are in the situation.

(((((((((((((hugs to all))))))))))

[mrs tree]

i have my phd in selfharm and a degree in bpd

WEll done Rachel ...a lifetime achievement award

Mrs Tree

[samsung]

def.. mrs tree!!!

lol

[birdesh]

But we are not children anymore. And we need to take charge of ourself. Looking for professional help might help. It can also be useless. In all cases, we need to take charge of our own recovery and to cleverly adapt the advice given to us.

In my opinion, we absolutely need to take charge of our own CURE and RECOVERY. And we might bring each other insights that most therapists cannot have.

[pip]

and because i have my phd in selfharm and a degree in bpd doesnot mean i know more than a professional therapist.

i am a teacher. i studied to be a teacher.. and would really be pissed of with one of my kids if they came to me and told me they want to teach now coz they are kids.. that is currently in school and knows how it feel...thinking they can do a better job coz they are in the situation.

Love ya Rachel!!!

Pip

x

[gobbothegoblin]

Ok in reply to the original post, brassed to be honest your being very very very narrowminded.. considering you dont know how the simplest of socialising even on a forum is hard for people. Secondly i personally find people giving advice very very annoying and the only responce i normall have is for them 2 f' off . If i wanted help.. id ask for it. However some people.. like myself come on here to talk and feel the support that others can give just by letting you know they care and are there for you even when everyone isnt.

So just for future referance , if u want to give advice to people.. check they want it first.

Sorry to sound rather harsh.. just something about the post irritated me

-dave-

[pip]

(((Dave)))

I think you need a hug

Pip

x

[gobbothegoblin]

p.s (bits i missed out)

Sorry for continueing this, but after re-reading jopos posts mainly i couldnt agree with her more, your acting in a very agressive and rather confrontational manner.. which is indeed threatening and gives a very arrogant appearance of yourself. You seem rather obsessed with your own opinion and not willing to hear others .. sorry once again for seeming very harsh but like jopo said someone has to not be scared enough to speak out.. and well ive always said what ive thought. So urm yep.

-dave-

ty pip.. dunno what did it but.. his tone.. or.. w.e way of typeing just triggered me

-dave-

[pip]

It triggered me too

[gobbothegoblin]

(((( pop )))))

xD

-dave-

[pip]

Thanks

[gobbothegoblin]

lol.. i really should sleep... collage in the morning im due anouther bad day there.. greaaaaaaat.. anyway.. gonna post some more and goto sleeep

dnt know why u would care/want to know.. but i wanted 2 see my name as the last poster xD so i have to put something

-dave-

[pip]

Sleep tight Dave

Pip

x

[Betsy]

oooookkkk....

so... not clear here.. if anyone has anything they think might help... they should get permission before posting it?

sorry... that was sarcastic. i don't think anyone should attack brassed2bits or jopo.. or in fact anyone. surely open exchange of ideas on this site is encouraged.. isn't it? you want everyone just to agree and sympathize and not offer anything beyond that? i dont understand this concept. i don't post believing that anyone will actually take my suggestions to heart but it happens sometimes, and sometimes it actually helps while other times it doesn't.

I think that brassed voice a frustration that is just as valuable as anyones posts in crisis or anywhere else. we don't have to agree with her but we have to be open to her. aren't we a supportive community?? do we only support those that have hit the wall??

i have been in the wallow in it because you can't do anything else situation myself, and that is what i have done for a while.. but .. what if no one shines a light? what if no one throws down a rope? what if no one reaches out? my wallow pit is big but frankly... when wallowing i prefer to be in it alone. i dont need anyone else to sympathize that it is full of shit cause i know it. throw me a line, reach out a hand, bring the light. i might not be able to take it that day but who knows when i will want it... i don't like it there no matter how comfortable it is.

don't rubber stamp me.. help me

bets