gobbothegoblin Posted July 3, 2006 Report Share Posted July 3, 2006 No no, not saying u need permission, just.. dnt get mad at people for not takeing the advice when you give it. Since they didnt ask for it, your still free to give advice but if they decide not to take it dont get frustrated.Brassed is basically saying that we are all here just to feel sorry for ourselves which is infact an attack on people who find posting how they feel and there situations very hard and people who find posting there problems actually helps them overcome them. And just for the record its not what shes saying.. its the way its put across.. the posts just seem very agressive and kind of offencive, like jopo said its very confrontational/threatening, also rather self opinoinated like her view is the only view there. I was just pointing out that theres many reasons people use the forum and that not everyone is on here to get advice off of others, but merely as an aid to help them reach out simply by posting how they feel.-dave- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lifetrap Queen Posted July 3, 2006 Report Share Posted July 3, 2006 Brassed2bits I think you have raised an important topic that should be discussed.For those who are taking it personally, I think you need to understand that b2b has only raised this so that we all might start giving some practical advice, not just the "there there's" (which is also important).We all need support and hugs etc, but imagine if we started exploring practical ways we could all become more well! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
samsung Posted July 3, 2006 Report Share Posted July 3, 2006 Birdesh..insights .. that is fine..own experiences.. that is fine...ok stamp that things can get better.. that is fine..but not one of us is stable enough to support someone like a therapist can.well that is what i think.:D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brassed2bits Posted July 3, 2006 Author Report Share Posted July 3, 2006 Hiya all,Just reading back and wanting to answer a few points.Firstly, I think (if I am still allowed to by the way) that peoples reactions to what is posted here, or on any thread, shows more about them than it ever does about the topic starter.Dave - you say I appear aggressive. Well, that is your opinion, and I dont see myself as an aggressive person at all. Actually if you read back over the last few months at my posts prior to this, you would see a very different side to me. As I keep saying, I am one of you, and when it comes to a shitty life, being abused, dysfuntional families, important people dying, self harm, suicidal thoughts etc etc etc, I do know how it feels, and I have many many many moments where I feel desparate and so low I cannot communicate with anyone.BUT, at the end of it all, after all my psyc appointments, all the hours spent with a therapist, all the advice and concern from proffessional, all the medication, all the hours in A&E, and a ll the hugs and kind words from here, what am I left with???? ME. That is all. Just ME. I can choose to take advice and tablets etc etc etc, but in the end it has to be ME who decides to take the advice, put into practice self help methods, take the tablets etc etc etc. Only ME. I have complete power over my life. Live it, or kill it.Noone is ever going to come along with a magic wand. Maybe some believe that might happen, but it really wont. Therapy and meds etc etc will help, but we have to take the bits we can along the way, and put them together in some sort of way that makes sense to us. We have to do that..........I have explained why I started this thread, and it seems like there are many people who do agree with me... many more than do not agree actually. I am sorry if it has upset people, but maybe it gives a chance to really think about these things, than just posting about how crap everything is and not being open to a way out.I have been thinking of ways to make this more 'friendly' ... maybe if I posted in a nice shade of lilac, or edged my words with flowers??!! Surely Dave, you wouldn't fall for that now! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pip Posted July 3, 2006 Report Share Posted July 3, 2006 (((Brassed2Bits))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brassed2bits Posted July 3, 2006 Author Report Share Posted July 3, 2006 Thanks Pip,I needed that :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pip Posted July 3, 2006 Report Share Posted July 3, 2006 SweetieLife is hardI hope you don't feel hatedI know what you originally meantI guess this post has taken a life of its own.I guess it hit a few raw nervesThat is for us to deal with- not blame youHope you have a nice dayLovePipx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lucy Posted July 3, 2006 Report Share Posted July 3, 2006 If you post somthing that you feel is challenging and you dont get many replies, it isnt i dont feel becasue people dont want to listen, you dont have to have 20+ replies to make it a valid post if people read oit and go away and think that isnt going to come up as reply but as a view. I have read your post and not replied because i dont know at times what to saySomtimes people do just need hugs rather than being challenged and dispite what has been said I think its fine to challenge just as it is fine to offer support. Also if you only want support in your replies just ask for that. I would always rather be challengedEveryone seems so keen to get their therapists views and help, and will go to lengths to see them.But what do these people actually know about how it FEELS to be us?????Nothing. I asked if my T had every self harmed? ... she looked amazed and said of course not.How on earth can she know then, I mean really know.I dont agree with this BB i dont think you have to know how excatly someone feels to be able to help, I self harm but i may do it for completley the different reasons as someone else does but i can empathsis with them. I go to my T to be challenged, to have a different perspective on events. I dont thik it is the act of self harm that is important more the reasons leading up to itand for unravling that one you need helpYes i agree that you can pull yourself so far forward but i do think you need help to go that bit furtherLucy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trace Posted July 3, 2006 Report Share Posted July 3, 2006 I think we can grow out of a particular "site"? . Maybe its purpose for "us" has been served? I can't remember who said that its more than online that we require, its flesh. I find that to be very true. I can get to overwhelmed with myself when I am online, it all becomes head stuff and not stuff from the heart. I took a long break from here because *I* needed too. I was looking for intimacy but online cannot offer that amount of intimacy I was starving for. That part of me that needs flesh intimacy was getting frustrated online because it just isn't possible online. So I was projecting my own frustration outwards onto the pc. There are some people that will just eventually wake up and realise all their pain has burnt out, they will just get on with life quitely and work out their problems quitely in the background instead of on stage. When this happens and to whom this happens isn't up to me or anyone else. But each and everyone will know when their time for acceptence has arrived. I must remember at all times, that once I felt I was drowning and would hold on to anyone and anything, now I am emotionally growing up, I don't need to so much and yes it does hurt to seee others still in that place, its a painful reminder at times but also a godsend that I am growing. I suppose if I'm just thankful for what I have today and not judge anyone else then its a good day. I can't maintain that level everyday and some days I fail the minute I open my eyes LOL..anyways, just my take on things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brassed2bits Posted July 3, 2006 Author Report Share Posted July 3, 2006 ((((TRACE AND LUCY)))))I agree with both of you.Good idea to post that you just want support if that is what you need. I am all for that.And maybe yes, we do grow out of sites .. good point. Need to have a good think about that one if it applies to me.(((PIP)))Cheers mate .... you are so kindhearted. I like that. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Jones Posted July 3, 2006 Report Share Posted July 3, 2006 Trace, well said!Various forums do serve a purpose in offering great support; and as you say sometimes we move on, get stronger, have realisations, reach another level, and so we shed that particular need. At the same time, we can then be in a position to support someone else (but only if we feel comfortable enough to do so)Like you, I also had a realisation, that the things I needed in life, were'nt really being met online. It feels as though a hunger is being fed with a great meal, but the meal is whilst in a dream! Not very satisfying at all.The key for me is to be able to put things in their proper place, and try and re-build my life offline. Otherwise the thing we used to get ourselves through bad times (e.g online forums), soon becomes another obstacle to progress.We are all at different stages of coping ability; and I wish everyone increased courage and wisdom to find that personal 'key' to individual growth and progress Tom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pip Posted July 3, 2006 Report Share Posted July 3, 2006 Thank you B2BI am just me- most people hate it!!!ThanksPipx(((B2B))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gobbothegoblin Posted July 3, 2006 Report Share Posted July 3, 2006 Ok. i agree i did take it a little personally, im just used to people mounting the offencive and basically accusing people (mainly me) of not trying. Which to me is what your post was putting across, sorry if thats not what you were getting at. Im just used to alot of narrowminded people saying one way, and one way only will help, even tho different things effect different people in different ways. And.. it was kinda a bad night so yea sorry for going all defencive and harsh.As for the bit about online not fufilling needs.. im lucky ive always fou d a way to fufill everything using online stuff. Kinda sad but hey.. better than going out clubbing -dave- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brassed2bits Posted July 3, 2006 Author Report Share Posted July 3, 2006 Hey Dave,Glad we haven't fallen out!Sorry you had a bad evening.Sending you loadsa hugs and absolutely no advice!!((((((((dave))))))))) :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orangesoup Posted July 3, 2006 Report Share Posted July 3, 2006 (((((Brassed2Bits)))))Sorry if you felt I attacked you in any way! It was not my intention at all...I was just putting my opinion across, on what is bound to be a slightly heated matter.Like Dave, I kinda felt attacked by your post. Like all I do is wallow in my own self pity...Which while sometimes at the darkest times yes I do, I will be the first to raise my hand and admit that. But that doesn't mean that the advice that people offer doesn't get taken on board. Even if I don't feel able to impliment it at the time, it doesn't mean that it won't be tried or implimented in the future.And at times when I'm not in the deepest darkest place, I do challenge myself, and I do try to make things better. And I am fully aware that it is only me that can fix this! The doctors and pills can help to an extent, but I know that the desire and fight to beat this has to come from me. And that hurts...Because alot of the time I don't feel strong enough to fight this, and just don't see a point anymore. But I'm still here, which is saying something! I always try and offer advice as well as hugs...Even if someone doesn't feel able to take the advice, they can at least have the hugs! There are times when I don't offer advice, when I really feel I have nothing to offer...But the hugs will always be there.I don't know what my point is really anymore...But I guess I have rambled on for long enough now! :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pip Posted July 3, 2006 Report Share Posted July 3, 2006 Lets all hold hands...... and be friends!!!Pipx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gobbothegoblin Posted July 3, 2006 Report Share Posted July 3, 2006 .... how.. does.. holding... hands.. help???:S-dave- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
samsung Posted July 3, 2006 Report Share Posted July 3, 2006 this is really fucked up for me...STOP FUCKING ARGUING EVERYONE!!!B2B HAS SAID WHAT SHE WANTED TO. PEOPLE RESPONDED. FINITO, FINISHED!!!I DONT ENJOY COMING HERE WITH ALL THE FIGHTS HAPPENING RECENTLY... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gobbothegoblin Posted July 3, 2006 Report Share Posted July 3, 2006 urm.. i thought we stopped like.. hours ago o.O-dave- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pip Posted July 3, 2006 Report Share Posted July 3, 2006 Me too Dave.WE ARE ALL FRIENDSGROUP HUG GUYSPipx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orangesoup Posted July 3, 2006 Report Share Posted July 3, 2006 Sorry. :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gobbothegoblin Posted July 4, 2006 Report Share Posted July 4, 2006 And just for the record.. we wernt argueing.. we were discussing. Nothing is as good as a nice debate . (((pip))) hmmm im tempted to stick something stickie in your hair >.>xD-dave- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
samsung Posted July 4, 2006 Report Share Posted July 4, 2006 are you talking to me dave? you want to put something in myhair? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gobbothegoblin Posted July 4, 2006 Report Share Posted July 4, 2006 nope.. it was aimed at pip.. dnt ask why.. i have no idea :S...-dave- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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