Confrontation

[flowergirl]

Ok, here goes... and yes I know I will probably be slaughtered for this but I am past caring now.

This site, BPDWORLD, together with its sister sites has this forum to allow us ALL to post, to start new threads and to deal with mental health issues, not ONLY borderline personality disorder.

We are a community which is extremely varied in sex, sexuality, diagnoses, medications and mostly OPINIONS. This does not mean that we should stick only to our mirror images, but that maybe we can learn from each other.

People come to this site for many different reasons and although we may not agree with everything that everyone has to say we should at least be able to listen and support and offer as such.

I came to this site from one of its sister sites, at that time I did not have a diagnosis, though admittedly now I have more than enough, but I came because I posted in self harm forum. The fact that when I arrived I didnt have the BPD dx does not mean that my opinions were not valid or valued.

I think we all need to stand back and look at the situations arising lately. Yes, there may be many different reasons for our reactions and agreed nobody wishes to feel invalidated but this is bourne of ignorance, so maybe we need to educate others. If we push everyone away then no-one will be passed on our knowledge and thus creating this vicious cycles of invalidating behaviours.

If you wish to have a safe environment in which to come then you must also offer it to others too.

RANT OVER, but feel free to comment, or not :)

[Barebones]

you allways say it better than me flower (((hugs))))

[pip]

I wasn't confronting

I was disputing

I apologize if you are upset

However, I thought that in a free society we can dispute

My mistake obviously

Pip

x

[Eva*]

I don't think you have to be afraid of being slaughtered for this. I've stated my opinion to the original confrontation and certainly don't need or want to repeat any of this here.

I think none of what you wrote is hurtful to anyone and more than your opinion of things.

A while back when I felt hurt by something and made it a 'big deal' of it, someone wrote that I should take it as a chance to learn how to deal with conflicts and not run away from it. I think that's very true. I did it then and there isn't even a trace of bad feelings left between the person I had that conflict with and me. I think every feeling is valid here and being hurt by another members post has to be valid as well. Maybe it's a problem that these hurt feelings are shared with everyone instead of discussed with the person who caused or triggered that hurt privately in pm's or something. But that is part of our problems as well, that many of us feel insecure about their right to feel hurt because of our heightened sensitivity and ask for support from others in their claim to have this hurt acknowledged.

I am like that and I have acted on it in this forum in the past. I hope this conflict finds as good a solution as the one I brought up.

We are sensitive about certain topics and it has reasons and I guess everyone who read Pip's recent posts (we all know that it's about her anyway, so I feel free to name her here) can imagine why she feels hurt by someone not acknowledging the dx bpd and apparently discarding it as something minor. It might not have been meant discardingly but if not it was clumsily put.

Just my opinion and I acknowledge your feelings about controversy as well and feel sorry for it having caused you and others bad feelings. But this site can't always be nothing but supportive. It's full of real people with serious emotional problems and it's bound to be challenging at times to everyone of us.

I hope I don't sound harsh, I don't mean to be.

Eva

[flowergirl]

I dont believe that my thread is addressed to you personally or solely, nor is it referring to one individual post or thread.

I am sorry if you take my comments personally pip, but I cannot help the interpretation that you make nor can I change your opinions, which is infact what my thread WAS about.

We are all entitled to our opinions, which I believe is what we have in a free society. This is a support community however and to rebuff/condemn or humiliate others for theirs I would consider unfair.

[pip]

Eva you are a sweetie

OK SHOOT ME NOW

[flowergirl]

Eva thankyou for your reply and I too hope that the post you were referring to reaches a positive outcome but as I have just replied to pip, this isnt just about one post or one individual.

If this was something that I wanted to discuss with Pip, about Pip, then I would have pm'ed her.

THIS IS NOT A POST TO SILENCE OTHERS, NOR TO INTIMIDATE OR APPORTION BLAME.

But I do agree Eva I think maybe this does have something to do with my inability to deal with confrontation, so hopefully I can learn from this also. Thankyou :)

[pip]

This is a support community however and to rebuff/condemn or humiliate others for theirs I would consider unfair.

I did not believe I was doing any of those things.

However in a site for BPD I do not believe the following is supportive

"All that 'borderline' is really, from what I have worked out in the last 5 days, is depression with a habit of going into panic attacks thrown in. These ought to be treated as such"

Please excuse me if I am wrong.

It isn't the most supportive thing ever said to me

Does it support you?

Pip

x

[flowergirl]

Pip I am really sorry but you have quoted someone elses stuff onto this thread.

THIS POST IS NOT ABOUT YOU

THIS POST IS NOT ABOUT THAT STATEMENT

THIS POST IS NOT ABOUT YOUR POST

This post was in general about the confrontation towards new members and confrontation in general.

My opinion on what MIKO wrote will be addressed on the relevant thread, NOT HERE

And yes... I have mentioned MIKO's name as although you say you havent mentioned his name, though threatened you would, it is irrelevant as you have quoted his sentence god knows how many times now.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU PIP

[pip]

You didnt answer the question

[Betsy]

I am closing this thread also, partially because it links to the other thread. This is a thread that asks for non-confrontation and yet confrontation is just what it has turned into.

please let's discuss idea's... not peoples oppions or their right to have them.

this thread asks for support of all oppions and hopefully that is what bpdworld does, supports all types of people with all oppions.

once again i ask everyone to cool down. not take things personal, discuss the subject not the person posting the subject.

thanks you all

bets

[Joshua]

I am gonna re-open this because i belive it is something to be aired. PIP i see your sorry posts quite often and i think you need to address why you have the need to continously sorry and why every post that someone posts is directed towards you.

[pip]

Usually because it is...............

[Eva*]

I don't know about other cases, but I do believe that in this case the thread was opened directed mainly at Pip. It is the only confrontation going on here at the moment after all.

About the sorrys. I'm just like that, when I feel something went wrong I feel like maybe I can make it better by saying sorry hundreds of times. It doesn't actually matter if I think I was so very wrong, I just don't want anyone to be angry at me and saying sorry might prevent it. I just wrote in another thread today that I can even go as far as blaming me for bad weather (not that I believe I have influence on it). Talking about it in T often, but I still can't really find a way out, just some few bright moments. But that's something.

I think with me it is that I think I can only exist when I'm pleasant because whenever I wasn't attention and love was withdrawn from me. I can't cope with just not being seen either. Sorry if this was too much about me (there again!!!) your question just made me think about it, Josh.

[Joshua]

NO pip not from what i have seen. You are constantly sorry, when often you have nothing to be sorry for and it just provokes a reaction in others. I think we need to keep to the point of the orginal posts and not that it is always about us, which is quite self absorbed.

[pip]

Please excuse my self-absorption.

I thought I was defending BPD, the site and You, Josh.

Thank you Eva

[Joshua]

I am flattered you feel i am important enough to defend but i would much prefer you spent this energy and fight in keeping yourself safe pip.

[pip]

Joshua

I don't know how to keep myself safe.

I can't self-soothe.

I was only trying to protect what is improtant to me.

I would much rather not be in this mess

- but again I seem to be

[jai]

sorry guys,i've been in no mans land for ages now....as we are all here for the same reason ?

anyhow, feeling other worldy just now ........ i m glad you know you all and have you all to turn to. the diversity that reaches for answers is the same diversity that offers support, love and care....

i for one am glad to be a part of it....

big hugs to eveyone....and the sloppy kisses are on me!

[Joshua]

I don't know how to keep myself safe.

Then maybe we need to look at ways in which you can do that, although im sure with the amount of pain and distress you have in your life to deal with you already have ways to keep yourself safe cause you are strong enough to still be here.

I was only trying to protect what is improtant to me.

You need to concentrate on you pip. That should be the most important thing in your life.

[pip]

I wish I were the most important thing in my life.

I also wish I knew how to be nice to me.

Yes, I am still here

-I have 3 dogs I am responsible for

If I didn't have them

-I would be long gone.

So perhaps they are my survival mechanism.

They are important to me

as is this site.

[Eva*]

But you looked for things you could be responsible for to give you a reason to stay strong enough to survive. It was your choice. You got yourself pets because they are important to you and they give you a reason to live. Hopefully one day you will feel like you can live just for yourself again but for now it's important that you create reasons outside yourself for you. That is taking care of yourself.

((((Patricia))))

Love

Eva

[Miko]

Appears I've put my foot in it.

First off - sorry for any hurt.

Next - which thread was it please (post link or state thread title)

I've got a few empty slots still in my PM box at the moment but would be equally happy to see comments about my posts shared in front of everyone.

Must admit am struggling to find my way around the forum and contemplating confining myself to only parts of it for practical reasons.

[abbynormal]

OH another country heard from. This is all I know. We all suffer for some reason or another and noone really knows what button is "your button" that hurts. It is not in what is said that is important but how it was taken, if we truly care about each other. The second part of this is forgiveness. We are all human with bad days, tender spots, hurtful pasts.... but why did we all come here? To find a place to be accepted. Isn't that what this is all about ... being accepted without being rejected or shunned. If someone posts something that you dont agree with and you can't answer in love, perhaps its best not to answer at all. After all, perhaps there is more to it than you think..... perhaps it is but a cry for help masked by some other word or the only words that that person knows how to say...... like sorry. Pip, you do say sorry alot and each time you say I know you are really saying I hurt..... me, I lash out cuz I have been abused, tortured beyond imagination and fear everyone, I won't speak for anyone else.... Pip I know better than most.... and hell I am just learning me.....

But my point is.... if you can't say it in love...don't say it. Just a thought

Abby

[gobbothegoblin]

Just a thought.. but how as flower said in the first place

"We are a community which is extremely varied in sex, sexuality, diagnoses, medications and mostly OPINIONS. This does not mean that we should stick only to our mirror images, but that maybe we can learn from each other.

People come to this site for many different reasons and although we may not agree with everything that everyone has to say we should at least be able to listen and support and offer as such."

how can we do that when mods are closing posts. Do they know how rejecting that can feel. Also if someones in a vunerable state its even worse. By closing the post your just basically stopping people expressing there views. If someone has a view and someone else confronts it then they should be free to talk over each view point. How can they do that if you close the damn post!

I would certinally hope that a mod wouldnt do that to one of mine when im depressed as it could be that sort of thing that pushes me into extremes.

And also people are going to keep thinking one way untill someone gives them a reason not to. So if someone says something u dissagree with, then surely you could present your view on it. thats how we learn, through the experiances and views of others and not just ourselves.

And abbys very right, we all want to be accepted and no one here should ever feel unaccepted as none of us have the right not to accept them. This is where everyones views all come into it, by respecting someone enough to give your view to them in a kind and friendly way shows that you accept them and there views. However being totally confrontational about it, like has happend in some posts lately makes people feel like they dont belong and that they arnt accepted here. For people like me and many others this forum represents one stable thing in an otherwise unstable life and we depend on this, weather that is right or wrong so therefore feeling rejected and unaccepted by the only the only stable thing in your life is very scary and so we come back all defencive to try and protect ourselves and our place on the forum.

like i said just a thought.

-dave-