jai Posted July 14, 2006 Report Share Posted July 14, 2006 so i am on my way down again....not happy about it either, how do i know, well , can nt engage in anything other than sitting here and trying to connect again...i hate this, i had therapy on thursday and felt great yesturday evening , if not a little odd, then today i felt combatative which i really hate, had some blunt exchanges with my co worker at the shop, had to leave early cos of a thumping headache, slept, came on here, took meds, ate, modem broke, modem got fixed and all the time i was feeling blank....i hate it when this happens, i think it might bed and ceiling staring time soon...thanks for reading...just needed to get it off my chest..jai Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pip Posted July 14, 2006 Report Share Posted July 14, 2006 Could be worseat least you have your lovely locks!(((Jai)))Take Care.pipsx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eva* Posted July 14, 2006 Report Share Posted July 14, 2006 ((((Jai))))Wish I had words of wisdom to offer but I only have warm thoughts and cyber-hugs.They're all yours though!LoveEva Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drew Posted July 14, 2006 Report Share Posted July 14, 2006 :hug2: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jai Posted July 14, 2006 Author Report Share Posted July 14, 2006 thanks palswas in chat and it lifted my mood, i wish it were permanent and bf tries hard but i guess sometimes its about just staying with it...i m mad at myself for not seeing it coming again though, i think it might have something to do with therapy, same thing happened last week too...i feel so thick atm..sorry for stating the bleeding obvious and thanks for the carejaix Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tabitha Posted July 15, 2006 Report Share Posted July 15, 2006 jai my mate how you today, i know what it like wishing you cud jus stay in one place. i,ve just said for example to my bf ,'i'll go in the shower and come with you to the bank if my mood is still the same when i get out. its little things like that that most can do and take for granted, moi i have to have a community meeting inside to decide which socks to wear, and its so draining its no wonder your mood slumps wiyh just the mental strain of trying to focus, it kinda kills all spontanuity in life. i just tell myself 'Whatever will be will be' BUT accepting feeling depressed and knowing it will pass is a bitter pill to swallow. DBT wouldsay try and improve the moment, don't act into it by amplyifying it, easier said than done. we could always try for applying to Stars In Your Eyes'. the switches are like that. please keep posting hugs Tabi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eva* Posted July 15, 2006 Report Share Posted July 15, 2006 (((Jai)))I hate those ups and downs, but at least there are ups! I had times without any ups for months.I'm glad chat cheered you up and your bf is trying hard as well. Try and look at the positives.Therapy can stir things up and make you feel bad but I think you should talk about that to your T. It's important for him to know what an effect it has on you.LoveEva Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pip Posted July 15, 2006 Report Share Posted July 15, 2006 JaiI hope you are ok just now.I have spent the pest week or so in a dwam (scottish)- basically a hell hole.This site is my lifeline- hence so many posts!I am determined NOT to cry todayHope you have a good oneLove to Dougal!pipx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jai Posted July 15, 2006 Author Report Share Posted July 15, 2006 ((((((((Tabi, Eva, Pip)))))))thanks for the replies, tabi i hear you hon..today has been a strange mix again....i managed to pull off a temper tantrum when out with bf, ended up crying in public, whilst swearing!! then came home had a rest but feel really uneasy today, can nt settle to one thing...not sure if its the med doing this to me now, its hard to explain, but yes Tabi you are right, i think of something i must do then forget when something else kicks in and i get exhausted and irritable trying to stay focused on one thing at a time...i used to combat this by writing endless list but nowadays that does nt work cos i have to remember to look at the damn thing...i did nt know if i'd eaten today or not, i did nt know where i was the am in our local town...its just bugging the hell out of me and i am feeling a bit lost with it all nowanyhow, thanks for the caring words it means loads, i have no one else to talk to about any of this. Am considering saying to bf if i go out dressed in me best sun hat...then he should just treat me like a kid but not sure how he would take it really.....i have to let him know that i can nt risk doing that again in public its so bloody draining to be honest.sorry a bitty update but i am here feeling bloody exhausted and low. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tabitha Posted July 15, 2006 Report Share Posted July 15, 2006 hun i'm right there with you, just given into more meds cause all over the place and so damn fucked off that i can't control it. so relate to going out and a little one pops up, or the thick chocking blackness just sweeps through making it impossible to even smile. it is a total restriction on a relationship. Its like wearing three D glasses and trying to ride straight and look normal on a whoopsey daisy bycycle. i use to be so organised before i knew the splits were there, was manager of a healthfood company, then an aeorobics teacher and personal trainer, i just stepped into the role. now i am aware of the splits and different parts can't function. Maybe i was better in denial. but honestly know where you are coming, have no idea where we are going but you aren't alone on the journey, i am so grateful for your posts, stay safe Tabi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jai Posted July 15, 2006 Author Report Share Posted July 15, 2006 Thanks Tabiits a horrid feeling leaping between things and never really getting to the one thing i want to do. Mostly i try to think in steps but the hijacking of my next intention is really biting just now....I find weekends so much more stressful cos bf is home. I hate feeling this way but if he is around and chatty or doing stuff or just asks a question i am totally derailed for the rest of the day.Now it is evening and i can nt shake the feeling that there was something important i was supposed to do today. I cannt lose that feeling. Ive tried everything now, done as much as i could get round to but still its nagging away at me.Some peace would be good but i reckon i ll settle for a hot bath and try to relax which atm feels impossible.Glad to have you to talk to and share with , i really think i am going crazy these days..inside at least...lovejaix Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vorpalblade Posted July 15, 2006 Report Share Posted July 15, 2006 Jai, i still love ya even if you are going crazy ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jai Posted July 15, 2006 Author Report Share Posted July 15, 2006 forget the dixie chicks lets start a band and call it the crazy chicks bladey....thanks for the loooooove im feeling in need of it atm...hugs hon....jaixthanks for the cheery posts today....! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vorpalblade Posted July 15, 2006 Report Share Posted July 15, 2006 :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
birdesh Posted July 15, 2006 Report Share Posted July 15, 2006 Fight Jay !If you can't fight now, you could commit to fight as soon as poosible. Take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eva* Posted July 15, 2006 Report Share Posted July 15, 2006 ((((Jai))))Yay, for the Crazy Chicks! Can I be the equivalent to Baz from the Happy Mondays? Not playing any instruments, not singing, just dancing around on stage? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pip Posted July 15, 2006 Report Share Posted July 15, 2006 Eva,Please can I join you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martin Posted July 15, 2006 Report Share Posted July 15, 2006 Jai, hope u feeling better soon!Spliffy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jai Posted July 15, 2006 Author Report Share Posted July 15, 2006 Hey you crazy chicks, dancing around and doing nout sounds fine to me Eva...and pip yay for us.....Bladey what a lovely smile from you and spliffy thanks hon...i just woke up on the sofa...what can i say the munchies hit ...something sweet as usual...i feel like crap to be honest but keep logging in, reading and hoping that inside feels better t hna the outside sooonlove & bedtime kissesjaix Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orangesoup Posted July 15, 2006 Report Share Posted July 15, 2006 ((((((((((Jai))))))))Sorry you are feeling so rotten at the moment....I can certainly relate to that!I don't think it is unreasonable to tell that to your b.f, and if you feel it would help you to have him know, without you having to tell him, then thats got to be a good thing! And if it will save you from situations like today...Then again that can only be a good thing! It sounds like a very good idea! Maybe you could write to him? I do that if I'm struggling to talk to someone(well which is most of the time!)Take care hun x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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