ladylazurus27 Posted November 6, 2004 Report Share Posted November 6, 2004 I just realized something last night. it just hit me, i was not trying to figure things out, it just came out of no where. I've always thought of having bpd as a mood disorder in a way. that i shift from depression to rage to disorganized thoughts to delussions, etc....But it just occured to me about the "personality disorder" part of this thing, it's NOT a mood disorder. that all my anexities, disorganized thoughts and such come from my lack of feeling validated in my idenity. like when i'm angry or jelous, it comes from my feelings that my idenity is being threatened, like i will have to find myself in a variety of situations and feel validated in them to overcome this. Even when i dissociate, it's caused by my inability to find myself and validate my being and idenity. This all sounds so simple and i can't believe it's taken me so many years to come to this conclusion. This explains so much to me about what i go through and why now. i'm pretty sure i know who i am and there is nothing to really be afraid of anymore. I'm 5 months into recovery while being in dbt, and this will only get me that much further down the road. having bpd does not seem so bad to me now. i always saw bpd as this completely overwhelming emotional thing, and now i see it as only my inability to really find myself and be able to hold onto it in situations. i can do this. thank you for reading, i hope this makes sense to you, this realization is HUGE to me! ~kristy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bored-a-line Posted November 6, 2004 Report Share Posted November 6, 2004 good to hear about your revelation, gives me hope. i had a revelation a couple of years ago, dont know if its directly bpd related but i realised one day that i can feel instantly better as soon as i stop punishing myself...sounds pretty vague but i didnt realise at the time how much i did it to myself. right now what you wrote sounds a bit hard to understand cos im up to my neck in emotion, but i will consider it when im more chilled out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy Posted November 6, 2004 Report Share Posted November 6, 2004 i am SO glad for YOU tht ou have come to this realisation, its great wen we can find something out about ourselves. *me am confused!! but thats me* Hugs Katy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted November 6, 2004 Report Share Posted November 6, 2004 Ladylazurus and bored-a-line, What each of you said made sense to me. It's just putting the knowledge to some good use that is a challenge. It is the remembering and using it. Maybe if we didn't have to remember it when times were hard, maybe if it were just a part of our everyday thinking...Thanks Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladylazurus27 Posted November 7, 2004 Author Report Share Posted November 7, 2004 bored-a-line: i really like what you said about not punishing yourself. that will be very helpful for me, thanks for sharing that. ann: no kidding, if we could just remeber this stuff and use it when we really need it! cause the day after i posted this...shit hit the fan for me-lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted November 7, 2004 Report Share Posted November 7, 2004 Oh, Dearheart! I hope it wasn't too messy. I was thinking something else, that these traits seem to be hardwired into us...need to put a piece of foil on the wire, like on the old secret agent movies, and reroute to the correct way of thinking. I myself, have been waiting for "it" to go away. How futile it that? :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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