Being An Agony Aunt

[Attila]

I'm very curious about what the qualities of an agony aunt really are.

Not the drivelly snot-bags in newspapers, but genuine agony aunts!

How would one ascertain who has the qualities to make them a good agony aunt?

How would one get a good feel for people who say they have what it takes?

Would you personally say you would make a good agony aunt?

All the best, Attila.

[mentalbpd1]

atilla i wouldnt know to be honest all i know is i try and help in anyway i can and listen but i still sometimes get it wrong what people are trying to say lol

i think thats what anybody can do thats honest i think agony aunts are false because they cant give the best of advice or understand everything someone says so the best agony aunt to me wouyld be a very loyal trusworthy freind i hope this helps

:)

[Vorpalblade]

i think i am a good agony aunt, though people in here may want to disagree lol

[Attila]

atilla i wouldnt know to be honest all i know is i try and help in anyway i can and listen but i still sometimes get it wrong what people are trying to say lol

i think thats what anybody can do thats honest i think agony aunts are false because they cant give the best of advice or understand everything someone says so the best agony aunt to me wouyld be a very loyal trusworthy freind i hope this helps

Okay, so suppose we're talking about an isolated town back in ancient history.

In this town there are all manner of people, mostly those with warrior spirits.

Keeping in mind that even the most sturdy warrior has personal issues, self-doubts at the very least.

These people would have someone to turn to in the town when things went wrong in their lives.

Now suppose you were trying to recreate such a town but in cyber-space.

One needs to keep in mind that the town would become populated slowly & by people from differing walks of life who don't necessarily know each other to begin with.

Now suppose you are looking to include in this cyber-town a specific area for people to feel it is safe to openly discuss emotional problems. Not heavy stuff, just stuff they need a little bit of help with to enable them to get through the day kind of thing.

Now suppose that you wanted to create a special place in this cyber-town for this type of support to take place. This particular area of the town would only be open to towns folk with permission to enter it, this permission would be granted by you & no-one else. Now imagine you wanted to assign the role of agony aunt (this would actually be a position of authority but of duty also) for this area to a suitable candidate, how would you work out who would be best suited to the role?

I'm really stuck on how to make my decision about this, I need to know what folk here think!

Attila.

[drann]

I guess I would look for someone who's confident, mature, preferably with a past history of psychiatric illness overcome. I think we all would appreciate someone who's actually been through what we have, coz then we can trust that he/she actually UNDERSTANDS.

[mrs tree]

The best agony aunt imo would be someone who you can trust to give an honest anwser and not worry about saying the wrong thing .someone who can see the perspective of the other people involved in a dilema and who sees a way forward.

Mrs Tree

[Betsy]

As someone from usa.. i don't know what an agony aunt is? can someone give me a definition?

from what you are all saying.. is the safe place we have here where you have to have 150 posts to see what is written, does that fill the bill?

thanks,

bets

[drann]

My understanding of agony aunts are that they're counsellors available in newspaper columns and magazines and I guess helplines too...you write/talk to them about a problem you're having and they listen to you and offer advice.

My agony aunt is my little sister :)

[mrs tree]

Agony aunt

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

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An agony aunt is an advice columnist at a magazine or newspaper. The image presented was originally of an older woman providing comforting advice and maternal wisdom, hence the name "aunt".

An agony aunt answers readers' queries on personal problems,

hope this helps

Mrs Tree

[Betsy]

ahhhhhhhhhh thank you. it does.

in the us we had a colum in newspapers.. in fact two.. dear abby, and ask ann landers... they fit the description of agony aunt.

now i see where our safe place does not fill the bill.

thanks mrs tree!

bets

[jai]

for me i would think that an AA would be someone couragous, kind, honest , open to change and prepared to say what she did nt know...the knowing stuff is possibly the easy part, but being prepared to research and give out extra info when needed essential...

other than that, i dont even think one has to be female...sorry gals...

as long as they genuinly care enough to give time and consideration and aks for help when needed

[Attila]

i think i am a good agony aunt, though people in here may want to disagree lol

Why do you feel folk here may disagree with you being a good agony aunt?

I guess I would look for someone who's confident, mature, preferably with a past history of psychiatric illness overcome. I think we all would appreciate someone who's actually been through what we have, coz then we can trust that he/she actually UNDERSTANDS.

An excellent suggestion, I agree that it would need to be someone who has been through the mill and come out the other side. Knowing that the potential candidate will understand how we are feeling is indeed a vital aspect, hmmmm, this then leads me to another level of complexity, how do I find someone like that, quite the quandry huh!

The best agony aunt imo would be someone who you can trust to give an honest anwser and not worry about saying the wrong thing .someone who can see the perspective of the other people involved in a dilema and who sees a way forward.

Mrs Tree

Mrs Tree, thou speaketh with great wisdom as always, I wonder though, wouldn't it also be just as vital that this person will realise when it is not okay to say what they feel, hmmmm, I see your point though, pandering to invalid waffle can be dangerous to the person asking for help when they don't really want to be helped, blimus this is well tricky!!!

for me i would think that an AA would be someone couragous, kind, honest , open to change and prepared to say what she did nt know...the knowing stuff is possibly the easy part, but being prepared to research and give out extra info when needed essential...

other than that, i dont even think one has to be female...sorry gals...

as long as they genuinly care enough to give time and consideration and aks for help when needed

Very true, I personally have no gender in mind when considering the concept of an 'agony aunt', perhaps the useage of this term was ill placed. Perhaps one should think on such a role as a 'guide', thereby not being the be all & end all of any given dilema. Guidance is perhaps a better direction, yet one cannot help feeling this role could then become overly burdensome for any given individual.

Hmmmm, this is far more complicated than even I suspected, it would seem that what I am looking for is an earth bound angel, oh boy am I in for a time finding this person....

[drann]

Dear Attila,

You seem to be quite the intellectual sort, do you think as deeply on everything lol

I find that thinking too much about things gets me depressed, but I can't stop anyway. Seems to be in my blood. Really envious of those simple folks out there who can weather anything just coz they're incapable of the depth of feeling necessary to feel unbearable emotional pain!

Take care,

Ann

[Leslie]

First thank you Mrs. T for the explanation about an agony aunt... I was trying hard to understand this time.lol

Well I think first you should be a good listener, let the person take out all the things that are bothering him or her and then express your opinion with objectivity and love...

All my friends around say I'm a good listener but I think sometimes nobody wants to listen to me... so there has to be kind of acceptance for that risk too.

Leslie

[ladyluck28]

I would say my best friend is one...she's not afraid to speak her mind and if you have a problem she is a good listener..she gives good advice too..

[Vorpalblade]

Why do you feel folk here may disagree with you being a good agony aunt?

Just didn't want to make a big statement like that without giving people the chance to offer their opinion.

Blade

[wantinglife]

When imagine a good agony aunt i always think of that woman off of This Morning. Fair, non judgemental, like to leave the person questioning what they have said and always suggests that they find a councellor for things that need more than one discussion.

[Attila]

Okay, as always you folk have been marvellous & extremely patient with me, thank you.

I think I'm there with ascertaining the qualities a 'guide' will need to possess, but I am far from sure that I have layed out a suitable definition for applicants!

Can I please ask of some of you to check out the topic I have posted concerning applications for the position of guide. I am still not entirely satisfied with my definitions, but have kind of run-a-ground with regards to the fine polishing of it so to speak, any constructive advice would be greatfully welcomed.

You can find the post here:-

THE ORACLE applications

Of course, should anyone here feel they are up to the job, please don't hesitate to apply.

All the best, Attila.

[drann]

Wow, Atilla, that's impressive work :)

[Leslie]

That's amazing what you're doing... congratulations!!!! though I would change the word elder for another one like mature enough or with the wisdom of...

Just a suggestion

TAke care,

Leslie

[Betsy]

i think you have nailed the possition.

excuse my dumminess and i could look it up but i know someone else will.. isn't an oracle a predictor of the future.. sorta anyway... or is it just someone iwith wisdom ( by the way leslie i liked that word )

you clarified for me the question i had in my mind.. prior to reading your definition... i like the idea the question is asked and only the oriacle can answer.

[Attila]

Wow, Atilla, that's impressive work

I am humbled, thank you for your kindness, if you like my little place you're very welcome to hang out there when ever it suits you.

That's amazing what you're doing... congratulations!!!! though I would change the word elder for another one like mature enough or with the wisdom of...

Just a suggestion

TAke care,

Leslie

You are very kind, thank you.

I do see where you're coming from mate, the term Town Elder is actually our name for the site rank of Moderator, the word moderator just doesn't fit in.

i think you have nailed the possition.

excuse my dumminess and i could look it up but i know someone else will.. isn't an oracle a predictor of the future.. sorta anyway... or is it just someone iwith wisdom ( by the way leslie i liked that word )

you clarified for me the question i had in my mind.. prior to reading your definition... i like the idea the question is asked and only the oriacle can answer.

I've loosely kind of knicked the idea of THE ORACLE, in mythology an oracle was indeed an entity capable of knowing the future. In more modern times, folk have come to see oracles more as guides, but guides whom understand fully that which is being asked & deliberated.

Hmmm, the concept of the questions only being answered by THE ORACLE is going to be an honour system, but then, only those granted access to that area by THE ORACLE can even get in, so it shouldn't prove difficult to maintain this system.

The more this matter is being discussed here, the more I am coming to feel that perhaps I should approach Josh & ask him if it's okay to directly ask members here to submit applications for this role on my site. The notion of THE ORACLE needing to be someone who understands the human spirit which has been battered and savagely wounded is really starting to settle in my mind as a necessity. I'm not going to find someone like this amongst the casual visitors to my site, what do you folk think, do you think it's a good idea, also, do you think Josh would mind?

[Betsy]

i think it is a good idea to ask him. as usual i have no clue on what he will say... lol. i guess asking sure can't hurt anything, even if he says no you have thrown it open to members her and so you are getting a lot of possitive responses.

GOOOOOOODDDDDDD LLLLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.. WITH THE SITE AND WITH YOUR QUESTION!

hugs

bets

[Attila]

I've just done exactly that Betsy, thanks for your support mate, much needed. :)

[Leslie]

As soon as you have Josh's answer let us know...

Take care,

Leslie