Being An Agony Aunt

[Attila]

As soon as you have Josh's answer let us know...

Take care,

Leslie

I will do mate, but Josh is always really busy so I don't know when he'll be able to get back to me.

Mind you, there's not much going on over on my place anyway. We've got a vicious cycle in place, folk are visiting us but because there's nothing much going on yet they're just going away. The kicker of course is that nothing much will be going on until our visitors join in and submit posts, it's very distressing to see guests turn up and just leaving again. I'll be so distressed if it fails, our phpserver wont keep it open if people don't use it, We've worked really hard to set our place up, my partner has been doing rakes of research for her posts & it took me a very long time to configure the sites layout. Anyone who runs a site of any kind will not what I mean when I say it's really hard work and there are not really any rewards outside of people joining in.

You folk have been lovely as always, thank for your continued support. I came back here because the stress levels of setting up my own site have taken a hefty toll on my mental health and I needed a familiar place to feel safe in. I never dreamt I would get support regarding my site as well, you folk truly amaze me, thank you all.

Warmest wishes, Attila.

[drann]

Gosh, Atilla, I'll join immediately if that will solve your problem, and ask everyone else to do the same. Just so long as people who join don't automatically get nominated or anything for the Oracle position.

Take care, and keep up the good work,

Ann

[Attila]

Gosh, Atilla, I'll join immediately if that will solve your problem, and ask everyone else to do the same. Just so long as people who join don't automatically get nominated or anything for the Oracle position.

Take care, and keep up the good work,

Ann

That's very sweet of you Drann, well yeah, folk joining up & posting will enable the board to stay open, worry not mate, folk have to apply for the position of THE ORACLE and a decision will be made as to who we feel would be most suited to that placement.

Attila.

[Attila]

As soon as you have Josh's answer let us know...

Take care,

Leslie

Hiya Leslie,

Josh gave me his answer earlier, he's cOOl with me putting it to folk here, but it has to stay in this thread.

Folk also need to know that there is no way what so ever they 'have' to say they're willing to take this position on, it's 'purely a voluntary act'.

Okay, here it is then:

"If anyone here would like to put their names forward for the role of THE ORACLE @Barbarian Realm, would you please do so either within this thread or by sending me a PM, thank you kindly for taking the time to read this".

No way, I never would have thought in a million years that coming here for some much needed support in a time of need would end up with me also asking folk here to consider this role, how truly bizarre life can be. You guys are so special to me, I shall be spending as much time here with you all as I can, don't think ill of me, I ain't gonna disappear on ya, nothing of the sort. Folk who remember me from before will know that I'm a do right geeza, I gots me flaws like everyone else, but I try to help where I can, even if all I can offer is perhaps the occassional giggle.

You all look after yourselves ya hear me, I'm gonna need a safe place to run n hide to when times are kicking my arse, this here's the place I'd like to feel safe in, so don't none of you go disappearing on me neither.

Hugs to one and all,

Attila

[Betsy]

that sounds like a good bye. is it?

bets

[Miko]

I don't know anything about the ethos or context of the Oracle situation - but it occurs to me it can be far more beneficial to have many people in such a role, to avoid placing such an unrealistic burden on a single person in which they will certainly disappoint, not to mention burn out.

On this forum we have in excess of 3,100 agony aunts and uncles, the person who is accepting comfort from another one minute is returning the favour the next, I have often noticed. This way it doesn't get too intense.

Not meaning to put anyone off, if there's something about this I haven't grasped.

[drann]

Hey Attila,

I sure hope its not a goodbye and you're not goin anywhere!

I registered on the site but I'm still waiting for my activation code?

Take care,

Ann

[InnerPeace]

I certainly don't feel up to the post but since I'm training to be a Counsellor at the moment I've pinched these suggestions from what my course teaches are the essential qualities of a Counsellor:

This person needs to be:

Empathic - able to understand another person's experience from that person's perspective.

Respectful

Sincere

Non-judgmental - accept the person as they are not form an opinion about them

Resilient

Competent

Fair

Wise - possess sound judgment and be able to see the bigger picture/all angles.

Courageous

Show humility - be aware of their own strengths and weaknesses

Such a person will not tell someone what to do but will help the person to understand the situation and to form their own solutions.

Such a person doesn't have to be old or have been through similar situations...sometimes it's helpful to have a completely fresh perspective...all they need to be able to do is empathise, show complete regard for/acceptance of the person and listen.

Hope that helps.

[Attila]

Easy folk, I aint going anywhere, I'm here to stay, well, unless Josh tells me to naff off of course.

Some folk are misunderstanding the role of THE ORACLE!!!!

This is not a full-on counsellor role, there will not be the pressures folk are intimating, they have mis-understood.

Any problems arising in the sub-forum of THE ORACLE which are contrary to simple situations will be referred here or to groups like The Samaritans.

We will not allow THE ORACLE to take on mental health issues, we are not a mental health support forum, that needs to be understood.

THE ORACLE is meant as the Town agony Aunt, he/she will be respected by all Town members & will have the authority of moderator within the guidance area.

The sort of things we anticipate as issues THE ORACLE will take on will be the usual mundane stuff that folk turn to family & friends for advice about. Any issues THE ORACLE is approached with that is deemed too complex or dangerous for either party shall be referred as I said to here or to a group like the samaritans.

Folk are seeing more into this than there is, all we are trying to ensure is that the person we appoint for this role doesn't end being abusive & rude to our Town members. We will take extroadinary steps to ensure the well being of THE ORACLE, but we need to know the person chosen is not going to abuse the position. I'm sure you must all understand we have a responsibilty to protect both parties.

It was brought to my attention by folk here that the sort of person best suited to this role would be someone like us, I thought that was an excellent suggestion. I don't understand why it is being attacked now that I put the notion forward, surely those attacking me now should also have attacked the people suggesting it to me as well.

Perhaps it would suit folk here better if I retract the role offer to people here, you're confusing me now, I don't understand this turn of attitudes.

*Drann, I'll activate your account for you, you may have made an error when you entered your email details, I'll sort that out for you in a little while mate.*

[InnerPeace]

Attila, I hope you don't think I was attacking you because I really wasn't.

I know it isn't a full on counselling role but just thought you might find it useful if I shared the qualities that make a good counsellor. I thought these would be along the lines as what you'd be looking for from the person acting as the oracle.

[drann]

Dear Atilla,

I don't get the feeling you were being attacked, I believe everyone was just offering different viewpoints as part of the brainstorming process, something you have to expect when you ask for suggestions from such a huge group of people.

Ultimately you're going to be the one to decide what the rules are.

Take care,

Ann

P.S: Thanks for activating my account! :)

[Attila]

The post has been deleted from the board, it's causing me far too much stress.

I've recently come out of hospital after suffering more heart problems, added stress I don't need right now.

The subject is closed!

I'm sorry I even mentioned my place here now, I wont mention it again.

Fran, you're welcome to the avtivation help mate.

[Betsy]

attila,

sorry about your heart problems. i am glad you are out and i think avioiding stress is good idea. i hope you can do it.

sorry your feeling attacked. i hope that doesn't deter you. if you feel stressed you do need to take care of yourself. we want you around for a long time.

bets

[Attila]

Thanks Bets,

I keep having sudden outbursts of EXTREME sweating preceeded by a sunken thud inside my stomach & chest then I rapidly start losing consciousness.

The hospital said I had a stroke, they did loads of test on me & decided it's down to me being an excessive drug addict, even though the only drugs I use outside of my medication are caffeine & nicotine, they drive me nuts.

I'm so sick of smug gitts who think they know more than they do, especially when they try to treat me like some fecking moron, a degree in computer science incorporating computer graphic integration applications (programming computer games for the waster zombie twonks), fully qualified carpenter, fully coded welder, full contact martials arts instructor, diet & nutrition specialist, hmmmm, some folk need to check their smug attitudes at times.

Thanks for being a friend Bets, being alone really fecking sucks.

[Betsy]

awwwww you aren't alone. lots of us are with you.. really.

sometimes you have to hit docs over the head with a 2X4 (you being a qualified caprenter will know what this is!) to get them to listen.

you have to keep trying tho. can you cut down on the caffien? not gonna suggest the nicoteen.. as knowing myself that would drive my stress much higher.

what kind of psychiatric drugs are you on? my sis was on effexor and blood pressure meds, had anxiety attacks and was taken to the hosp several times with poss heart attack... only anxiety tho.. she also does excessive nick and caff.

good luck kiddo.. we are here.

xxxxxxxxxx

bets

[mrs tree]

Sorry your not feeling well

glad your staying though we've only just got you back

TC

Mrs Tree

[samsung]

bets an agony aunt is your opposite

[Betsy]

hummm... i think that was a compliment but gonna have to think about it.. could be a slam...... hummmmmmmmmmm

ok.. i choose compliment.

thx rach

[samsung]

oh god...

what am i posting

bets... from me... and only to you...everything is a compliment...

((((((((((((((((((betsy)))))))))))

(i think we south africans also dont know the meaning )

the name just sound like somebody who is a pain up the arse?! lol

[mrs tree]

LOL Rachel....this translation stuff is very tricky

Mrs Tree

[Miko]

Hi Attila,

I am worried about my "other" conditions too, ear, intestinal, systemic autoimmune stuff of a rather mundane nature but serious enough in impact on a bad day (coordination, vision). The NHS doesn't seem well up in so many areas. Hoping they take your conditions more seriously in future. I like to involve PALS though none of my 'cases' with them has reached an outcome yet.

Sorry for asking "silly" questions about your web site, neither my computer nor my eyeballs seems to 'do' red very well at the moment so I asked them here instead. Stick with what Josh has told you about what you may do in connection with it on this forum,

[Attila]

Sorry for asking "silly" questions about your web site, neither my computer nor my eyeballs seems to 'do' red very well at the moment so I asked them here instead. Stick with what Josh has told you about what you may do in connection with it on this forum,

Sorry mate, don't have a clue what you're talking about!?!?!

There's no 'red' on my forum, it's sandy & browns!

Don't suppose to tell me how to conduct my affairs, my name may be different but I've been a member here for quite some time now, I know Josh pretty well thank you!!!!

[Miko]

There's no 'red' on my forum, it's sandy & browns!

Yes I have been having eye trouble

Therefore please don't mind what I have said about your site

best wishes with its success

i didn't want to put any one off working with you