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ChrisD

By ChrisD,
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ChrisD Member

ChrisD

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Hello people.

My name is Chris, I'm 27 from Plymouth and I think I'm suffering from depression. I say think, because I'm really not sure. I've not sought professional help, but I am experiencing overwhelming feelings a lot, feelings that I find hard to control. Don't worry, I'm not about to take an axe to someone or anything!

I feel, a vast majority of the time, a mix of anger, irritation, sadness and total utter worthlesness, contempt for myself.

If you'll indulge me, perhaps I could tell you a bit about myself.

As I said, I'm 27. I work in a job I utterly despise, where for 8 hours a day I am confronted by almost constant negativity - I work on a complaints team in a banking call centre.The feelings of depression started long before I joined the bank (almost 5 years ago). I went to uni and had the 3 best years of my life, met a girl who I feel head over heels in love with. We were together for a long time, and split up just over a year ago. I couldn't afford to keep our flat (she moved back to Exeter), and moved in with some good friends. Our house was akin to the Addams Family house, and my room was little more than a glorified shoebox. Getting over my ex was a very hard process. She was an amazing girl, and she was gorgeous. How on earth she went that long with a miserable plump fella like me is beyond me. Last October I met someone else, and maybe it was the whole rebound thing (for both of us), but for the first time since the summer I was happy. Until New Year's Day, where she dumped me with little explanation. It was around this time that the girl I lived with announced she was getting back with her ex and was moving out. My friend and I couldn't afford to keep the house so moved. I ended up in another shoebox room in a house full of people I didn't know. They were nice, but I had exactly nothing in common with any of them.

And nobody to talk to. My family live about 300 miles away which doesn't help.

A few weeks ago I got the hell out of there and have moved into a lovely house with a very good friend.

It sounds like relatively hard times I guess, but all through this I have felt my personality changing. I just want to be alone, to do nothing. My work is suffering greatly as a result of this, and I am so close to getting the sack. I find it very hard to concentrate at work, and keep making mistakes. Its not that I don't know how to do my job, but I just....can't. I'm so scared I am going to get the sack - jobs in this town are rare and I need the money. Sometimes the idea of getting up and going to work is so overwhelmingly awful that I would rather

Look, I have rambled on and on, and I'm sure many of you have already found something more interesting, but the worrying thing for me is that there is so much more to tell.

Its not all doom and gloom though. I have got a top bunch of friends and (I am told) I have a great sense of humour. I like doing all the stuff I enjoy.

I'm so so confused at the minute.

Am I being silly?

Anyway....hello. lol.

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Vorpalblade Loyal Members

Vorpalblade

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Hi Chris, thanks for hte intro. maybe things will start ot improve for you now that you have moved into a nice place with a good friend :)

Blade

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ChrisD Member

ChrisD

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Welcome Chris, hope you like the site. Everyone is really nice and supportive. Hugs

Beth xx

Thanks Beth.

Had a good look at the site and forums before I joined, and that certainly seems to be the case.

Thanks :)

Hi Chris, thanks for hte intro. maybe things will start ot improve for you now that you have moved into a nice place with a good friend :)

Blade

Yeah I'm hoping!

Cheers.

Gotta go to work now :(

Adios.

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Betsy Loyal Members

Betsy

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welcome chris,

your not silly. you are describing symptoms of deep depression. often therapy and even medications can really help. issolation that you are describing is just a catalyst for going deeper into the depression.

i don't know if you are on meds or have a therapist, or have even sought help outside yourself but you might benifit if you did.

anyway welcome and hope you feel comfortable here soon and feel good enough to keep posting your feelings.

xxx

bets

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pip Loyal Members

pip

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Hi Chris

I'm so glad you have friends.

I must apologize,

If I have ever phoned you

and given you a hard time!!!!!!!!!!

I hope you enjoy the site

and it helps you

Take Care

Pip

x

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jodi Member

jodi

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Hi Chris,

Welcome to the site!!

At least you have taken a step forward in getting the help and support you need - you will get plenty here but it may be a good idea to see your dr and get the proffessional help thats available.

Thanks for sharing your story with us, you have had a bit of a rollercoaster ride there!!

Jodi xx

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ali Member

ali

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(((((((((((((((((((((chris)))))))))))))))))))

WELCOME to bpdworld

people ard GOOD listeners-VERY caring'SUPPORTIVE'ALWAYS there

bpdworld HAS saved my LIFE on NUMEROUS occasions.........

USE us as and WHENEVER u NEED US

i read yr story-IHAVE been through it MANY times!!!!!!!!!

if you ever fancy it we can go into CHAT(never been there but we COULD try together

take good care and NEVER forget "U R A VERY SPECIAL PERSON"!!!!!!!!!!!

love ali xx

ps.i am 45-first od 14-and so it goes on.................

don't FORGET we r ALWAYS here-USE US xx

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jai Loyal Members

jai

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Welcome Chris

thanks for sharing and if it helps to write it down or take a print out of this to the docs then give it go...sometimes i know its hard to explain how low we feel, go in full of intentions and come out with less than we needed.....if that makes sense...

nice to meet you....good you have supportive caring friends...

see more of you around here hopefully

jai

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ChrisD Member

ChrisD

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Wow, guys, I'm overwhelmed, what a great welcome.

Thanks you all very very much indeed.

Bit of a crappy day today, but Mark (my housemate) and I have just been chilling, bit of Playstation and some music, and I'm feeling all relaxed now.

Once again, thanks guys, its really heartening to know there are people out there who not only know how I feel, but care enough to comment.

Thanks

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ChrisD Member

ChrisD

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Your Welcome Chris - you cant shut us up!!!!!!!!

Glad you have had a good evening chilling xx

Hey, talking is a good thing - something I'm beginning to learn!

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jodi Member

jodi

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Glad to hear it!!!!

I talk loads but the majority of time it has no meaning but when I REALLY want to talk there are fewer words with lots of meaning!!!

Did that sound quite philisophical?

Have you been in to chat yet? Thats a good way to talk!

Jodi xx

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ChrisD Member

ChrisD

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Very philosophical, Satre would be proud!

Not ventured into chat yet....still feeling my way in to it all.

But I shall, one day, when I'm feeling big and brave!

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ChrisD Member

ChrisD

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Well shall look forward to meeting you in there oneday! xx

I just felt big and brave and went in.

It was empty lol.

Never mind!

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