Very Vulnerable And Scared

[Katherine]

I'm feeling vulnerable today, didn't want to get out of bed.

This afternoon in the supermarket queue a woman was too close, I said she was too close to me. The man with her said "what's wrong with you?", laughing, and then she said, angrily and laughingly "sorry that we're contaminating you"

I felt so scared and ashamed and alone. I'm still feeling shaky now.

I just want to curl up under the blanket and go to sleep.

I feel panicky and I'm not breathing properly.

(but I'm not what would be defined as in crisis)

about to dissociate any moment.

Feeling alone.

I accept the couple didn't understand, but it felt like being bullied all over again (I was bullied for 10 years as a child)

I'm starting to learn closeness with my therapist, but most other people 'in the outside world' just seem to be freaking me out.

I understand how my traumas in my life contribute to this.

But it feels so scary and frightening..is anyone out there..need to hold someone's hand,/.....??????

lorna

[verbena]

Yes, Lorna, as we promised when you first came, we are here...

You are not alone.

Ann

[Amy]

Lorna,

Try not to worry about the couple okay? When my hubby gets too close to me I tell him to back up. I feel very uncomfortable if my personal space is invaded. Do not feel bad about it. I understand you felt bullied, I am very proud of you that you asked her to move. How bold!

In time I think you will become more and more comfortable in the real world. I became a hermit stay at home mother. I am starting to get out there and go to the store and take walks. I don't have friends anymore, I lost them a couple years ago when I stopped returning phone calls. I am almost ready to make some again.

I am telling you all of this because if I am going through similar things, then you can't be alone, and you can't be that abnormal, right?

Looks like you have lots of people here. I am pretty new here still too, but it looks safe.

If you continue to feel the same or worse, then make the call, okay? You have to try to relax. Here anytime for you, just like the others.

Love

Amy

[Katherine]

verbena and delicate,(which names should I use for replies?how you sign or your user names?)

thanks for responding, it means a lot to me not to be alone.

my best friend, as it were, who I would normally phone when feeling down like this, has recently said she is not willing to care for my 'baby self'. she needs to protect her own growth (she has/d ptsd)

i do get out and about-have a part time job in a library, and also do a shift or sleepover a week at a severe mental health assessment unit as a support worker. But its tough right now travelling and being in shops and on the street. i can't stand people walking behind me.

still feeling very fuzzy headed and shall get dinner then have a bath i think.

thanks so much for reassurance and support.

lorna

[verbena]

Hot meal and a bath - the two things besides sleep that work the best for me.

[sunset]

Hi Lorna

Try not to beat yourself up over the supermarket incident.It's over with now. You are Not alone in what you feel, believe me. Try to be kind to yourself------I know that s not easy for us, but it's something we need to learn to do. Hope you start to feel better soon.

Lots of hugs to you

Juaier

[Amy]

Call me Amy,

Try to pretend those people aren't there. If that doesn't help, try to work on realizing they don't matter. Once I left a line to get away from people behind me. I planned on returning once they checked out. I got back in line, and darn it more people came. I had to find a way to overcome it. You will to.

Hope your bath makes you feel better.

Love

Amy

[bored-a-line]

people love to make a big deal out of something that wouldnt hurt them to leave alone. even if they thought what you said was strange or harsh or whatever, they didnt have to be so confrontational and agro to you, they could have been peacemakers and let it lie. they dont know anything about you, they didnt need to take it personally. that goes for all of us too..dont take anything personally..easier said than done, but its something thats important for us all to master.

[cloudyfox]

(((Lorna)))

Hope you are feeling a little better now. I completely understand how you felt when your personal space was invaded (I'm sure most of us here do). Sorry to hear the strangers upset you. Perhaps they are just insensetive to other peoples need for personal space. Some people seem to have no regard for it at all and don't realise how intimidating it can be to have someone too close.

Take care and stay strong

Cloudy x

[Katherine]

thanks for all your replies, I'll respond properly tomorrow cos I've got to go out to work again in 20 mins and have to have a shower and breathe...(got in from other job 50 mins ago...)

...so I must fly, but I take all your kind words and my bottle of rescue remedy and my little cuddly blanket with me...

so, until 2morrow....

love,

lorna

[Daisy]

Hi Lorna

*I know you posted ur original reply a day or so ago* I hope that work hass gone ok for you and was not too busy, sounds like you are very busy.

However in response to your original post, I am sorry to hear about how horrible the couple were, yes they were horrible and I really do clasify that as *bullying* sure they did it in thier own passive way but its wrong, but I must say that people often have no idea about others whilst they are out shopping, I work in a shopping centre and I am defiantly aware of how rude people ca be and when it does come to personal space, particualry in cues and things people just do not actaully understand that others may need SPACE.

I think it was wrong of them to do such a thing, but i guess hwen it comes down to it, they were horrible but they did what they did and now its how we DEAL with it that is the issue.

I think its clear that you did feel a little threatened by it and it brought back memories of bullying, so im hopnig that u are doing ok with things at the moment. I guess hwen it comes down to it it wouldnt have effect them, its how it affects u and how u deal with it now. (think i said that but im so not making sense!)

Guess what i want to say is that I am sorrypeople are so rude, I have actaully have customers in a que at my store argue over a very similar issue, its confronting for some.

But please take care of yourself, try to remember that what they DID say was almost defiantly nOT A reflection on YOURSELF as a person but how THEY felt about the situation at the particular time.

take care of urself I really dont think i made sense!!!

Hugs KAty :wub:

[Katherine]

Hi Katy,

Thanks, yes what you wrote makes sense to me.

I'm feeling a bit better today, work y'day was fine, working-with people I trust-keeps me going...tho I need to be careful not to overdo it.

I had therapy today and that was helpful and a relief.

lorna