Forgiveness Is...........

[indie22]

Forgiveness is something that makes the abuser feel better.

Very true Roses

[Sammy]

I don't think forgiveness has to make the abuser feel better, because I have forgiven and not notified my abuse that I forgave him. Forgiveness for me was being able to let go of the past, accept it, release blame, anger and hatred. Accept that what happened was just what happened and that i don't have to focus all my thoughts and feelings on that moment, or time in my life with any kind of obsession. It was realising that anger, blame and hatred only hurt one person and that was me. It was realising I'd hurt enough without continuing to hurt myself by holding onto the pain, anguish and hatred that hurt me further. I guess it was simply letting go and moving on. Accepting that someone did something bad to me, that hurt me a great deal at the time and for a long time after, but their intention hadn't been to cause me that much pain or for that long and that the person that did it isn't actually a bad person.

However how do you forgive someone you feel is a bad person? Someone who didn't simply make a mistake? I can honestly say I don't think in that situation I would be able to and only justice would release some of the hold over me that the pain would have. With that being said, when I talk about justice, I mean natural or legal justice, not vigilante or revenge justice. I don't believe 2 wrongs make a right and I feel I would not lower myself to their standards. I want to be able to stand true to myself regardless of what others do to me. Of course natural justice would be far better than legal justice. Natural justice or as some might view it would be karma. Where the person gets some nasty disease and dies a long slow painful and lonely death in fear.

As has been said though, regardless of whether I found peace through forgiveness, I believe there are other paths to peace and that forgiveness is not a prerequisite to moving on and letting go or acceptance.

[gavin]

forgiveness is a negative word, it comes up in

Public conversations and people clamour for it,

Why is the victim the one to apologise or forgive?

I forgive and apologise to those people who

Hurt me, only after i have put them in hospital

Or i have punched the fuck out of them,

I only do it to to the people who took advantage

When i was a kid, if i’am bullied at work, the same thing

Happens,

gavin

[indie22]

Forgiveness is something I wish I could do at times

[san4os]

Forgiveness Is...........

Forgiveness is letting go of the need for revenge and releasing negative thoughts of bitterness and resentment. If you are a parent, you can provide a wonderful model for your children by forgiving. If they observe your reconciliation with friends or family members who have wronged you, perhaps they will learn not to harbor resentment over the ways in which you may have disappointed them. If you are not a parent, forgiveness is still an extremely valuable skill to have.

In the movie “Avalon,” the uncle stopped talking to his family members for the rest of his life because they started Thanksgiving dinner without him after he was excessively late for the zillionth time. What a waste of energy it is to stay angry for decades.

Forgiveness can be a gift that we give to ourselves. Here are some easy steps towards forgiveness:

Acknowledge your own inner pain.

Express those emotions in non-hurtful ways without yelling or attacking.

Protect yourself from further victimization.

Try to understand the point of view and motivations of the person to be forgiven; replace anger with compassion.

Forgive yourself for your role in the relationship.

Decide whether to remain in the relationship.

Perform the overt act of forgiveness verbally or in writing. If the person is dead or unreachable, you can still write down your feelings in letter form.

What Forgiveness Is Not…

Forgiveness is not forgetting or pretending it didn’t happen. It did happen, and we need to retain the lesson learned without holding onto the pain.

Forgiveness is not excusing. We excuse a person who is not to blame. We forgive because a wrong was committed.

Forgiveness is not giving permission to continue hurtful behaviors; nor is it condoning the behavior in the past or in the future.

Forgiveness is not reconciliation. We have to make a separate decision about whether to reconcile with the person we are forgiving or whether to maintain our distance.

Forgiving and letting go can be very difficult challenges, but it’s even more stressful to hold on to grudges. There are several symbolic letting-go rituals that can help with the process. If you are having trouble forgiving someone else, write them a letter expressing all of your feelings and explaining why you need to let go. You don’t need to mail that letter — it is cathartic just to write it all down. You can also write down all of your excess “baggage” on a piece of paper and burn it or cast it into the sea in a bottle when you are ready to really let go.