WishfulMoonAngel Posted November 13, 2004 Report Share Posted November 13, 2004 *May Trigger* I'm sure no one really missed me......I guess I kinda disappeared before.....just felt really bad then.....(not so much better now though.... ).....wonder if anyone even remembers me.....hm......anyways...... let me give a better introduction than I did last time...... hello, my name's Cassandra......I'm 18.....and still living in hell....er.....still living at home.....heh.....slight slip of the tongue there.... ......well, anyways......my mom says I have "minor" depression and a slight social anxiety...... ......but really, I have been diagnosed with a panic disorder and possible depression (my therapist decided to focus on the most limiting one first and pay no attention to anything else .....*sigh*.....)......I have almost no good days, I never truly feel happy.....just small moments where I'm too numb to feel down.....I have off and on suicidal thoughts, and have come pretty close to acting on them more than one occassion......also have random times when I "zone out"......I sometimes lose hours of time, not remembering any of what happened then.....though people tell me I act, and react, completely normal......(not sure what causes it)..... I would say I've only been abused emotionally and verbally......but really I've been physically abused also.....(just blocked it out for many years, I suppose because it was too hard to cope with)......my dad beat me when I was young.....then mom kicked him out.....I was constantly yelled at, and told that I should never have been born, by my mom, grandmom, and uncle.......still to this day, my mom and grandmom control my life......and are always telling me I'm horrible and that they hate me.......(though right now my grandmom is avoiding talking to me as punishment for doing something she didn't want me to)......but I can't get out of this situation because of my anxiety and panic attacks......because of it, I can't get a job or go to college.....(tried to get a job, I had a panic attack during the interview....I'm pretty sure that's why I didn't get the position)..... I AM in therapy now......with a woman doctor named Shapiro, who keeps going to sleep during sessions..... ......I am trying to work through at least some of my problems.....which tonight is a bust, cause I was just thinking of suicide the last hour before when I decided to write this......it's proved distracting enough for now......(I'm getting this distinct feeling right now that all my friends dispise me, though I really don't think they do.....it feels like it.... )...... anyways.....sorry for going on so long.....hope I don't bother or upset anyone.....(I usually do)......please tell me if I do.....I can leave if so.....take care all...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracey Posted November 13, 2004 Report Share Posted November 13, 2004 hi wishfulmoonangel that's a real nice name! glad you came back i've only been here a week or so and find them very careing and understanding here. fraid i'm not one words but hang in there and we do care Traceyxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted November 13, 2004 Report Share Posted November 13, 2004 hi wishmoonangel, i'm newish here too, so i didn't get to know you before. its great that you're back. and you didn't upset me. am only online for a short while this morning, so i might write more tomorrow(gotta go to work) i'm lorna and i'm 34. no 'official' diagnosis, but anxiety,panic, bpd and ptsd traits. am in therapy. i once had a group therapist who dozed in sessions.. hope to get to know you more. love, lorna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy Posted November 13, 2004 Report Share Posted November 13, 2004 Hi Wishfull Good to have you hear, I am too rather new here so dont know you from *before* as you say u have been here before! Hope that u feel comfortable enough to post, sorry things have been so bad for you and I hope that you can find a therpist that u can actaully talk to and things get better for you as thier is better support out thuier for you if u need it. Hugs Katy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tory Posted November 13, 2004 Report Share Posted November 13, 2004 Hi, I'm glad your back. Sorry your having a bad time. Take care Tory x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calyps Posted November 13, 2004 Report Share Posted November 13, 2004 Wishfulmoonangel- i remember you! Who could forget such a beautiful name? Glad you're back. Don't worry about letting it all out and realise that we DO want you here. We can all help each other so please feel the hope and strength I'm sending you. Hope you feel it lift soon and take care, Anwen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishfulMoonAngel Posted November 13, 2004 Author Report Share Posted November 13, 2004 thanks for the replies..... beautiful name??......I'll take your word for it.....like most names I think of, it's a randomly thought up, smashed together set of two or three words.....anyways....glad people remember me....makes me feel important..... ..... but anyways.....probably shouldn't have written when I felt so bad....last night was awful.....but today's better, I actually feel hopeful.....(and seeing all these replies was nice )...... I can't even remember how long it's been since I was here last.....I know it's been months.....but whatever.....I'm gonna post some poetry while I'm on.....if anyone's interested..... take care all..... :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted November 13, 2004 Report Share Posted November 13, 2004 Wishful, Glad you are back. There are lots of great new members but I do miss the people who were here when I came, and you were one. Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostsoul Posted November 13, 2004 Report Share Posted November 13, 2004 Hi wish, Pretty new here. Welcome back. Look forward to talking to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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