Here Goes

[Betsy]

I am 57, after reading your post i realize i am probably decades older that most of you. Still i identified with a lot u have to say.

I was recently diagnosised with "traits of BPD"... I freaked out.. threw a fit until my psychiatrist said "okay, okay, I'll take it off your chart." Then I realized having it off my chart didn't make it NOT so! Crap.

I had lots of psychiatric problems in my 20's but the 30's seemed to get better. I went to college got a degree in Art Education and seemed to gain a little possitive self imagine.

I have 2 adult male children. The youngest is 33 and has a rare genetic brain dissorder. Although his condition is stabilized he is now functionally retarded and will always have to live with supports. That was a blow to go through. He went from gifted to retarded in about 5 years and there was nothing i could do.

My oldest son is married with 3 children that i love dearly. The oldest is a girl, she has recently been diagnosised with bipolar dissorder and depression, she cuts on herself and can be truly hateful to everyone around her. I love her anyway. Next is a four year old with some "autistic" behavior and hyperactivity. He just learned to talk at 4 years old and now won't shut up. Next is a little girl 4 months old who is really sweet and doesn't have any psychiatric problems yet! Oh yeah... the mother is depressed and I think my son is also BPD. Did I mention 2 months ago they lost their house so now they are all living with me! Tight Quarters and no solitude... that's adding to my crazyness... probably theirs too.

Anyway I seemed to be going okay until a year ago when this mega depression hit. I became almost catatonic and didn't care if I lived or died. I was put on a ton of meds which I made them cut down! Still don't really care but I put one foot in front of the other and go to work, etc. Most days my eyes are open and I try.

I still am not the person I was and I don't think I will ever find her again. I am just a shell of echoing emotions.

Thanks for listening.

Bets

[Jo]

Hi Betsy!

It's really good to meet you, I think we've chatted in chat as well some, I'm Kitty, 25 from London. I've also got severe depression at the moment and 'traits of BPD'. So know just how you feel- thats whats great bout this site- people understand, and you sound like a really nice person. Must be tough living with so many people, ((hugs)), especially as you care so much bout them.

hope to meet you again soon

Kitty xx

[Betsy]

Kitty~

Thanks for responding. Yes i well remember talking to you in chat. No wonder we had some of the same thoughts at the same time... depressed people all seem to think alike. Maybe they are right and it all boils down to a chemical imbalance, if that is the case they sure haven't figured out the right chemicals to balance me with!

As to the BPD part... that explains (at least to me) how i have felt about myself all of my life. I used to think that i was the only one... this site has people saying the exact phrases i have said to my therapist. Geeze i don't know whether to feel happy for myself that i have found others that think like me or sad for all the rest of you because you feel the same way i do. This damn condition seems to be full of Catch-22's!

Anyway thanks (REALLY) for responding.

Bets