jai Posted August 13, 2006 Report Share Posted August 13, 2006 i have nt been around and will keep popping in and out over the next two weeks, i just had a hum dinger of a depression hit me at the beginning of last week, with no real respite from it til yesturday....so i keep my distance at those times, i truely have nothing to give or say when i get like that...i am here and sorry for not responding more or being around more...i just need to keep my head down for the next couple of weeks til my t is back, i've not been doing v well without him to be honest...so, i put all me little pieces back together and i m still not right....anyhow, if im not around over the next couple of weeks you know why...i feel like a big fragile something that will shatter at the first bit of stress...sorry im so fucking useless just nowjai Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted August 13, 2006 Report Share Posted August 13, 2006 jai,you are not useless. i do understand protecting yourself especially when your t is away. that sounds like one way of taking care of yourself. i hope you can keep safe and he is speedy to return (are they ever)?take care of yourself and if you need to post we are still here. sometimes the path to wellness has long flat stretches.. but soon hopefully the progress will begin again.bets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nuttymoo Posted August 13, 2006 Report Share Posted August 13, 2006 ((((((((((((((Jai)))))))))))))))))You have been missed and i am sorry your feeling so depressed at the moment. Like Betsy said you are not useless far from it infact, it must be so hard with your T being away so its not surprising your feeling fragile. If you need to stay away for your own wellbeing then thats fine, but if you are staying away as you feel you have nothing to offer then you are wrong. It is not all about supporting others, so if you need support now and think using the boards will help then thats what you shoudl do. Whatever is best for you sometimes in life we have to put our needs first in order to get through the tough times.I hope this depression lifts soon hun, thinking of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pip Posted August 13, 2006 Report Share Posted August 13, 2006 (((Jai))) sweetieI missed youTake care of you and Dougaland come back feeling betterI will save any gossip for you!!!!!!!Please Take Carepipx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beth79 Posted August 13, 2006 Report Share Posted August 13, 2006 ((((((((((((jai)))))))))) sorry your going through a bad time. i don't know what to say as im in a bad place.Beth x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jai Posted August 13, 2006 Author Report Share Posted August 13, 2006 Thanks Betsy, Nutty and PipThose long flat stretches are just the worst tho, not being able to raise a feeling is like being the living dead, the worst of it has passed but nearly got bf to get me admitted on Friday nite when things just got too weird...I am back to myself again, but had a few scary moments there where i truely felt lost forever..Not sure if that makes sense..so thank you all for being understanding and letting me share and still have your support...im just so sad that i can nt get a handle on things right now...Holding out for the next two weeks and 3 days feels impossible and i feel pathetic for saying it....but that is where i am at...Its like i lost my hidey places and came out with no one home...sorry if i dont make sense....thanks for being forgiving of my absenses....take carejai Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted August 13, 2006 Report Share Posted August 13, 2006 jai,my one hour a week with my t is the only time i really feel safe so i know what you are going through.xxxbets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
realscape Posted August 13, 2006 Report Share Posted August 13, 2006 Hi JaiThanks for letting us know where you're at, I was wondering and worried.Sorry to hear you're so down. You're not useless. Whatever you have to do to get you thru the day is whatever can cope with for the time being. It won't always be like this. It will pass. There was a significant period of time where I felt like the living dead, emotionally dead but physically alive. Like a ghost. It was very scary and I couldn't understand it, maybe its the meds, or a stage in therapy? I dunno what it means or how it eventually passed but I also felt like admitting myself somewhere, borrowing money and checking myself into a private clinic because I couldn't get thru the days with any level of self-care. I have got a bit better now, you can too.Look after yourselfx Real Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verntheconfused Posted August 14, 2006 Report Share Posted August 14, 2006 Aw! *hugs*I know exactly how you feel. I've been real depressed lately too. You are not useless though. You are just taking off some time for yourself and that's good. You need to.Anyways I hope you feel better soon!Love,Vern Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
samsung Posted August 14, 2006 Report Share Posted August 14, 2006 hey jaithere is someone here that wants to give you a hughere for you hun....go have a look in the AWOL forum.peeps have been missing you...((((hugs)))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jai Posted August 14, 2006 Author Report Share Posted August 14, 2006 ((((((Rachel)))))))and rescue thank you both, he looks so good on film, lets put him in his own show!thanks for the replies, today is a painful one, with lots of crap going off in my body just now, im kinda overloaded with emotional stuff right now but am hanging in there....docs was nt a huge success today, she basically told me its all IBS that is causing this latest bout of pain, plus all my chest muscles are inflamed due to stress and finally the doc, gynae consultant that did nt reply to my letter never will it would seem, so says his sec. So i am no longer seeing him but my doc today told me i dont need a gynae but would refer me to the menopause clinic at the hospital, so there is some hope, but does nt really address his lack of response to genuine questions regarding my gynea health care, oh, and if my scan should show anything other than the menopause as the cause for my periods stopping i will seriously have to consider taking them to task over the whole thing....it wll be close on a year before i get any resolution to any of this and its not right, i wonder if they would spend this long being physically ill and feel ok about it?So, am trying not to get more stressed as i get ill the mo i do, constant pain bugging the hell out of me, and bf told the doc today that my depression is getting worse as a result of all of this...Not a great update, but at least i have some time out today with bf to relax and his company keeps me from getting stuck in insane mode....although last night i nearly went nuts again..jai Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
samsung Posted August 14, 2006 Report Share Posted August 14, 2006 they would shit in their pants if they had to have the pain you have to go through every day... just goes to show their empathy.jai i think you should not give energy to any thing that stresses you out.it is not helping you .. you know that stress goes into your body. how is the plants coming on? full grown and missing me?how is bf doing? tell him i say hi! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
molly Posted August 14, 2006 Report Share Posted August 14, 2006 Jai,Look after yourself, if you heed time away take it but don't stay away becasuse you think you can't give, you deserve to take too and let some people who aren't in such a bad place at the moment support you, we all know you will support us when we enter our own bad places,Take care and give that big doggy a virtual hugLove Molly xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jai Posted August 14, 2006 Author Report Share Posted August 14, 2006 Thanks Rachel and MollyRachel the plants are doing really well, the aloe is in the bathroom and the mint remains in a pot til the builders have left....otherwise, had a slightly better day, slept again for 2 hours this afternoon and have been really lazy, i just can nt stay awake these days..Molly you are right, i guess it is ok to ask for support whilst not being much use right now....it just feels wrong to take without giving.....i dunno...As for the gps and docs i am tired of it now, i seriously think what they are about is assisted suicide...mine! i clearly have to wait til i am dying before they will do anything real to ease my pain, and the irony of it is, no matter how many times i am at their door with pain, if i were to say apply for the DLA i can garuntee they would go out of their way to be unhelpful with that....They just get ppl in a double bind then play God, i am sick of it now, not sure what my next move will be, if i could make myself well again i would do everything within my power, although they clearly dont see that either...rant over, many thanks for the support.love Jaix Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pip Posted August 14, 2006 Report Share Posted August 14, 2006 Jai I am sorry I missed you(((Jai)))Please get well and come back soon.I miss you!pipx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladyluck28 Posted August 14, 2006 Report Share Posted August 14, 2006 ((Jai))) Hugs.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martin Posted August 14, 2006 Report Share Posted August 14, 2006 JaiHope u feel a bit better soon..Time will come again when You, Rach, Blade n Beth can rip up another city soon......Take special Care....Spliffy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
samsung Posted August 14, 2006 Report Share Posted August 14, 2006 lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pip Posted August 14, 2006 Report Share Posted August 14, 2006 I miss you Jai.I hope you are ok and that Dougal's foot is better(((Jai)))pipx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jai Posted August 14, 2006 Author Report Share Posted August 14, 2006 Thanks Pip, Spliffy, Rachel, Ladyluck and Vernhave been gassing on the phone for the last hour with my one friend in the area, who returned from his hols this week, nice to talk about regular things, have a moan about the state of the country and generally share our misery!!Am feeling tired now, but its great to come here and see the well wishes, i am warming my hands with them right now.spliffy be sure of what you want or you may surely get it..!! was that a serious invitation?lolnite nite alljaix Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
samsung Posted August 15, 2006 Report Share Posted August 15, 2006 hope you got some good rest jairb woke me up this morning.. we must call auntie jai today...well only if the lil bugger pays the bill lol :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jai Posted August 15, 2006 Author Report Share Posted August 15, 2006 Rachelnaughty RB!! it would be good to hear your news! only when you can afford it hon.....ditto for me too, am holding on to get the car back on the road as you know..soon i hope, but the belts are in tight right now to pay for it at the end of the month...take carejai Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
samsung Posted August 15, 2006 Report Share Posted August 15, 2006 my news is just tragic...here if you need me hun Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allpsychedout Posted August 15, 2006 Report Share Posted August 15, 2006 Jai, as a fellow 'sufferer' of many of your physical difficulties, I SO understand what you are going through! Pain like that is the pits, isn't it?Does your doc allow you muscle relaxants, perhaps? Many just refuse to let us have them! I have found that for me, clonazepam has REALLY helped a lot, with far more than anxiety--it helps kick the pain, if I take an extra tablet or two during a bad patch. Sometimes we hold unresolved pain inside too...I don't believe it fully causes the problems, but the resulting anxiety sure does make the pain worse! I'm currently trying to learn more about that...it's hard. I hope you feel lots better soon. allpsychedout Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jai Posted August 15, 2006 Author Report Share Posted August 15, 2006 Rachelcall me and let me know whats going on?allpsyched out, funny you should mention clonazepam, my pain doc wanted me on it, then changed his mind....hmmmsomething else to hit the gps with, thank you for reminding me!otherwise, woke in pain, took my meds, slept til 12 , walked for nearly 2 hours with the doggy and am home to clean, iron and get wasted on meds later! some day eh?anyhow, on top of this my neighbour sweet as she is, has left an answer phone message to tell me she has told her house guest to drop keys off with me should she go out, this is after me telling her the landlord has a second set!, oh and that she is coming round tonight to do introductions! not being bad or anything but last time i checked i only had loser tatooed on my arse, now i appear to have door mat as well!sorry it has put me in a stink of a mood and im sure a normal person would know how to fend off the approaching troops of friendly sweet , well intentioned neighbours but i am clueless, emailed bf to tell him im on my way to jump of the bloody bridge, i need to be left alone just now more than anything....i can nt takes any more of putting on me best face for folks, im fucking miserable and happy to feel that way just now...sorry gone on again...i need to move out into a tent, in the middle of a field, watch those bloody bunnies move in!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.