Katherine Posted November 22, 2004 Report Share Posted November 22, 2004 I had therapy this morning and we talked about how I'm feeling and how things are and how difficult it is for me inbetween sessions. I am touching on that emptiness within me, that is me, where that first contact between new-born me and my mother should be, that contact that I never had-not until i was 3 weeks old and I'd already missed what I needed. The longing aches and I am quiet and sad and longing longing to be loved. Still feeling hyper sensitive, like I'm attacked on all sides when out in the street/shopping. Feeling isolated lonely confused angry sad. Weepy lots. I need to feel these feelings and be helped through them. But its too much. My therapist suggested that it might be a good idea for me to go to my doc and get some anti-depressants in the short term so that I can manage my life outside of therapy (my life is like a little baby, the little baby part of me only seeing mummy 3 hours a week, the times I see my therapist. That's terrible for very very little lorna----and her bigger self who has to work lots to afford therapy in the first place...) I'm going to see my doc on friday morning. well not exactly my doc, i've never seen MY doc--that's the NHS for you.... Going to research re anti depressants now, tho I dunno if my doc will agree. But hell, I can't go on like it is now emotionally. Not sure why I'm writing all this, guess I just want to be understood. And I am starting to feel that sinking into acceptance---yeah, Iam depressed, can accept that and kinda struggle less, if you get what I mean. I'll be quiet for somewhile I guess ,and if I write anything that's out of order to others please let me know. lorna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted November 22, 2004 Report Share Posted November 22, 2004 The difficulty between sessions...the emptiness... They are what makes it hardest for me to go to appointments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted November 22, 2004 Author Report Share Posted November 22, 2004 me too, but still I go, because...... lorna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunset Posted November 22, 2004 Report Share Posted November 22, 2004 Hi Lorna, I understand. That awful acheing inside, and yes the longing. It's very painful. My GP has been trying to get me to take a newish SSRI ad, it's supposed to be cleaner than the others-----less side effects and works quicker, it's called Cipralex I'm still thinking about it. Take care of yourself J X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted November 22, 2004 Report Share Posted November 22, 2004 Cipralex is great. Only side effect I get is that I yawn more often. Considering all the other anti depressents ive tried have sent me over the edge its all good :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted November 22, 2004 Author Report Share Posted November 22, 2004 thanks.....so many seem to have anxiety side effects, and I ALREADY have anxiety.... lorna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy Posted November 22, 2004 Report Share Posted November 22, 2004 Lorna, They did the same exact thing for me. Our stories are different, but the pain and emptiness in between sessions was so hard to get through. They put me on anti depressants, I am still on them as well as other meds to help. Now it has become much easier to get through. Much. It will help you get through this. (((((Lorna)))))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted November 23, 2004 Author Report Share Posted November 23, 2004 Delicate, What you wrote means so much to me....thank you...I'm not sure how to explain how I feel to my doctor, (will he/she believe me)except its like I feel I can't survive emotionally on my own and... I found it hard to get through work today, everything is so much effort and I'm so over sensitive. More over sensitive than usual. (weepy smilie) lorna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy Posted November 23, 2004 Report Share Posted November 23, 2004 Lorna, Oh my, I felt EXACTLY like that. I too thought my therapist wouldn't believe the toll it was taking on me. I thought she would think I was making it up, or just wanting sympathy. They will believe you, I promise. They may even recommend you distact yourself with off topic books and movies. Mine suggested that, until the meds started helping. Its like a scab that has been forgotten (you think) has been ripped off, and you have to feel all that pain again. As if it just happened. It will be very hard, but you must stick with it. Between your therapist, and the medication, you will soon be in a better place within your heart and mind. It will not hurt so bad. I am proud of you for sticking with it. My therapist made me promise to not leave and to not quit. It was sooo hard, and I am now in a way that I can deal with it better, without it haunting me between sessions. You will be extra sensitive for a little while, thats okay. I think you have a right to be. Take care of your self. Do extra sweet things for yourself. 5 months ago I was feeling exactly like you are right now. I still have bad days of course, but I made it passed where you are right now. You will too. ((((Lorna)))) Love Amy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted November 24, 2004 Author Report Share Posted November 24, 2004 thank you so so much Amy, your words resonate so well for me. unlike lots of people here (?) I have a private therapist, my group is a training and therapy group commbined, and my doctor knows not a lot about my emotions, and is an NHS doctor. s'times I wish (like my parents, my therapist and I) could all get together and understand me so I didn't have to try and hold it altogether myself....but perhaps that is preferable to miscommunications across a supposed 'team'??? Yes, it IS hard, these feelings, but I do trust somehow I'll make it through.. lorna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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