jai Posted September 4, 2006 Report Share Posted September 4, 2006 today has been really hard again, i couldnt help thinking about all the people i have loved and lost, all the things that have happened that i have fought to overcome, all the trials of ill health and trying so hard for a family when married, and i finally felt swamped by it all.not sure why i am even posting any more, i know i keep trying, i dont know why, i literally am living with no friends, my bf and dog , a therapist that sees me weekly but no other support at all, limited income and ill health and one day when my folks are nt here i will be alone.....i see my future and i dont see anything to feel good about , i dont see that my efforts are amounting to any more than more of the same with the added sprinkles of a t that can nt make his mind up.not sure what i will do next, ive loved all the wrong ppl for the wrong reasons and dont know if i really know how to love the right ppl, if that makes sense....?moan over.....i just needed to get this out...jai Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
samsung Posted September 4, 2006 Report Share Posted September 4, 2006 hey jayneyi wish i could say to you that the feeling passes.. that things will get better.. but today.. i just dont know.i dont know why we keep fighting at times.. and i should not even reply.but i am replying just to acknowledge that i read your post and that i do care so much for you.. that if you want a friend.. i am here to be your friend.i dont think i can make this life alone and i dont think anybody can make this life alone.. that is why i am giving you my hand.. and you can take it if you would like.. and we can try and walk this path together..then it is you , bf, dougie and rachy... and maybe there can be more peeps soon...i care for you so much. you are my family and friends....take carerachel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orangesoup Posted September 4, 2006 Report Share Posted September 4, 2006 ((((((((((jai))))))))))im sorry you feel that way. i can really realte. although i have no advice or words of wisdom im sorry.take care hun x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingernut Posted September 4, 2006 Report Share Posted September 4, 2006 Jai,How do you see the future with your boyfriend, does she count as no-one?I can be your friend but I guess you mean real life ones that arent over the internet.Do you know what youre looking for in life?Ginger Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sundries Posted September 4, 2006 Report Share Posted September 4, 2006 Hiya there is this REALLY great book called 'positive solitude' by rai andre.I found it really helpful because i stopped beating myself up about being alone. I also learnt that there are lots of things that can be fun while you are on your own.I still feel very lonely and often hopeless but the pain about it has reduced significently and slightly less pain is worth it even if its still painful.I think the things that i found most useful from hte book (but obviously these are what i took out of it that were most relevant to my unique way of being lonely) were- you can feel bad even if there are others around(this might not sound like a great thing but i used to feel despair cos id think the bad feelings were entirely cos i was on my own - it made me feel less helpless and normalised, i was catastrophising)- there is a feedback gap when others arent around which creates feelings of loss so you need to find ways of self talk that give you feeedback. (eg imaginign a hug and hello when you come into a empty house)- problem solving takes longer in one way as 'two minds are better than one' BUT it means you can do exactly what is right for you and dont need all hte extra negotiations skills/compromising which can make things take longer.-lots of people have been pretty happy on their own (talks about how western society romanticises togetherness and stigmatises being alone - including this attitude from psychologists, therapists etc...and give interesting ways to think about this)- points out taht 'lonleiness' isnt a feeling - it is a range of different feelings eg anger, anxiety, fear, loss, frustration. If you think ' how can i solve my loneliness hte only answer is 'other people' its the only problem we cant solve by ourselves. She points out if we identify which exact feelings WE expereince adn then call 'loneliness' (which are probably the feelings we let others deal with for us, or help us ignore) then we can learn how to deal with those feelings - which we can do on our own.It had lots of other things and practical suggestions ( which went beyond how to avoid loneliness eg go out and make friends ) It was all about how to ENJOY being alone and really enjoy it not just enjoy it cos it is less stressful than being with others.I have found it very helpful cos it for me it gave me permission to see it as perfectly valid building a relationship with myself ON MY OWN. and i htink i need that before i will get far with other people.oh and the other book im enthusing about at the moment when i am not feeling really down is 'safe people' by john townsend and henry cloud. It is fantastic and tells you how to choose and love the right people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pip Posted September 4, 2006 Report Share Posted September 4, 2006 Jai - snapand I don't have bfxxxxxxxpipx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen Posted September 5, 2006 Report Share Posted September 5, 2006 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mort Posted September 5, 2006 Report Share Posted September 5, 2006 (((jai)))Sorry that you still feel the pain I understand and can only say 3 things.1) Thank you for the book ideas I will try to get round to them2) Glad they are helping you 3) Hope they help you moremort x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jai Posted September 5, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 5, 2006 thanks for the repliesmy four hours sleep being had am awake again......this drives me nuts and i wish i could switch off properly at some time in the day.anyhow, so what, like it would change anything i would wake up to?strange feeling so desparately low whilst all my usual faculties are intact, i still relate to my neighbour in a friendly way and walk the dog and do the have to's of the day....knowing the whole time its just a desparate attempt to keep putting one foot infront of the next and thinking at any time i m gonna lose it and disappear completely...this has to lift soon, i really am operating on another system just now.hugs, support and kind words received with thanks....it means alot to mejai Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tabitha Posted September 5, 2006 Report Share Posted September 5, 2006 Jai reading your post and i so understand the hopelessness, the struggle to litrally hold yourselves together, and for what? At some point aren't we suppose to enjoy life alittle, its more like an endurance test where the goal keeps moving. But i thought of this poem and decided to share it withFor the rest of my life there are two days that will never trouble me again. The first is yesterday with all its blunders tears, it's follies and defeats. Yesterday has passed away beyond our control forever. The other day is tommorow with all its pitfalls, threats and danger. until the sun rises again, we have no stake in tommorow, for it is still unborn luv Tabi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jai Posted September 5, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 5, 2006 awwwwww ((((((tabi))))))thank youthe poem is beautiful what a lovely thought....today has nt been so great as yet, did nt get much sleep after taking sleeping med at 5am, managed to force myself out for some milk and stuff...but am so tired of being so tired and so fed up with all the effort everything seems to take.nice to know we share our misery ......we can try and keep each other goinglovejaix Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orangesoup Posted September 5, 2006 Report Share Posted September 5, 2006 (((((jai))))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jai Posted September 5, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 5, 2006 now im in chronic pain....please shoot me or pay for me to go to switzerland Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen Posted September 5, 2006 Report Share Posted September 5, 2006 (((((Jai)))))Please stay safe x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jai Posted September 5, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 5, 2006 i willtryjai Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verntheconfused Posted September 5, 2006 Report Share Posted September 5, 2006 I feel the same way but you do have people that care for you. Your bf, your dog and us! I hope that counts! I know this feeling is shit but it will pass.Vern Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pip Posted September 5, 2006 Report Share Posted September 5, 2006 Nothing and No one just sums me uppipx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jani Posted September 5, 2006 Report Share Posted September 5, 2006 ive loved all the wrong ppl for the wrong reasons and dont know if i really know how to love the right ppl, if that makes sense....?I can so relate to this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jai Posted September 5, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 5, 2006 thanks vern , pip and janiyes you do count, im so thankful here is here and i can share, and you can share and we can all help each other out...i hate knowing i've got so much wrong and not knowing why or how or the way i have been driven at times to get in such a mess....so, i lay on the sofa this afternoon watched a re run of thirty something,now soooooo dated....and cried in pain, it helped a bit..thanks for the being herejai Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pip Posted September 5, 2006 Report Share Posted September 5, 2006 (((Jai)))Thinking of youpipx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sophie Posted September 7, 2006 Report Share Posted September 7, 2006 i literally am living with no friends, my bf and dogHope you feel better today Jai?I can relate to this, and I take comfort in knowing that at least my dog still loves me (yes even when I have bed hair and panda eyes from crying ) .Hugs Sophie x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
samsung Posted September 7, 2006 Report Share Posted September 7, 2006 jayney.... i care so much for you!i am gonna call you today! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jai Posted September 7, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 7, 2006 thank you pip, sophie, and rachelbed hair and panda eyes, what an attractive picture you paint, i think you should post it!rach it would be good to chat today....im intending to get dougal out and take him round the park, see if we can find mufty his friend, then a bit of must do shopping, then home to be in chronic pain again....i have a window of opportunity that will last for about an hour or so i reckon....ill be here, ill text you....then youll know....thanks again you lovely peepsjai Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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