What I Dont Understand

[gobbothegoblin]

Its not getting hostile.. people just dont like the fact others dont think the same as themselves :\

Altho. Commenting on others attitudes is actually inviting hostility.

-dave-

[orangesoup]

i can see that you have a lot of anger issues jopo

dont you like me ?

I don't have anger issues. And I don't hold any anger towards you. That wasn't what my replies were about.

I don't like to see people getting hurt, or upset, or verbally attacked, when it could have been avoided and was not necessary.

And I don't hate you!

Its not getting hostile.. people just dont like the fact others dont think the same as themselves :\

I don't have a problem with other people having differing opinions! The world is a very diverse place with many different people. Not everyone is going to get along, and not everyone is going to agree.

But, as I said above, I don't like to see people get verbally attacked.

This wasn't a perceived verbal attack, it wasn't a differing of opinions, and it certainly wasn't asked or called for...

Real, you have some very good suggestions there!

[Miko]

(Apologies for bungling this post - the 'proper' version is the next one below)

Spaghetti,

There might be lots of people that 'hate' you - perhaps only a tiny bit, perhaps a lot, perhaps only for a moment, perhaps all the time - and some more that hold you in good esteem, again, lots or a little, occasionally or often.

And you're still there despite people's feelings.

Sorry I'm not too clear what the warnings were about. Were they explained clearly enough to you? I've noticed a lot of inadequate explaining occurs and it takes a lot of hard work and calmness to challenge that and get it looked at better. Often we needed a warning but its value was lessened because it wasn't well enough explained so as to come over constructive and help us post better next time and suited to where we are coming from.

Also we need to not introduce ideas into the issues that weren't there which only creates a false complication which can be a reason why disagreement occurs because the issue being talked about becomes two different issues being talked about by different people, and one of those issues isn't always a real one.

That weakens the many times when the issues you point out are real ones, and also can confuse us as to where you were coming from.

I like your word, 'reactionary', for your awareness of some stuff so, perhaps you can play a game when posting, how unreactionary can I get whilst still hitting the nail on the head. Even say, as if laughing at yourself, if I was being reactionary I would say ... but as I am not, I'll put it like this ...

I'm telling you this because I like you but it's not important to me whether you want me to or not. I just assume that everyone here likes everyone else here, except those very short times someone has 'put their foot in it' - and a lot more people are doing that, far from just you.

What happened to your sense of time? A moment is not for ever!

< big grin for Spaghetti

xx

(End of non-'proper' version of post)

[Miko]

Spaghetti,

There might be lots of people that 'hate' you - perhaps only a tiny bit, perhaps a lot, perhaps only for a moment, perhaps all the time - and some more that hold you in good esteem, again, lots or a little, occasionally or often.

And you're still there despite people's feelings.

Sorry I'm not too clear what the warnings were about. Were they explained clearly enough to you? I've noticed a lot of inadequate explaining occurs and it takes a lot of hard work and calmness to challenge that and get it looked at better.

Also we need to not introduce ideas into the issues that weren't there which only creates a false complication which can be a reason why disagreement occurs because the issue being talked about becomes two different issues being talked about by different people, and one of those issues isn't always a real one.

That weakens the many times when the issues you point out are real ones.

I like your word, 'reactionary', for your awareness of some stuff so, perhaps you can play a game when posting, how unreactionary can I get whilst still hitting the nail on the head. Even say, as if laughing at yourself, if I was being reactionary I would say ... but as I am not, I'll put it like this ...

I'm telling you this because I like you but it's not important to me whether you want me to or not. I just assume that everyone here likes everyone else here, except those very short times someone has 'put their foot in it'.

What happened to your sense of time? A moment is not for ever!

< big grin for Spaghetti

xx

P.S. and I think Dave is right, it isn't someone else's business what our issues are so the question should definitely not be, 'you have a lot of anger issues' and as I say I think the liking is irrelevant or can be assumed. That leaves, for questions, only something like, 'can you explain the grounds for the substance of your statement?'

[Lifetrap Queen]

Well said Real. I wish I could articulate myself as good as you..

Can you write my essay on the weekend for me??

[spaghetti]

you are all so moderate

wish i was

real, glad to see you taking on your own advice

well done hunn

[gobbothegoblin]

You can be.. but it takes time, just sit back and it will happen..

-dave-

[samsung]

can i ask everybody a favour.

can you drop this topic?

can you not argue anymore?

Please... please....

[mort]

:grouphug[1]:

[lucy]

I dont think thats it arguging, spag is just trying to get a point of view across, and wothers are just trying to show a different point of view

Like someone said before people are often in diferent stages of bpd, and people get stuck on different things, It is all about change but before that happenes you need conversations like this

Spag, I dont hate you and i dont thinng many people would

lucy

[samsung]

well there has been hostility all over this forum and i am not up to it anymore.

there is a way to bring your point across ... that is not argumentive.

i cant compete with fighting and arguing. either it goes or i go.

it triggers me severly and this site never use to be like that.

[mrs tree]

Rach...hopefully the removal of the truth forum may quieten things down but people here are always going to disagree. my adivce is it does tend to be a thread that turns into an argument rather than the whole board if this is triggering you ignore the thread...There will always be other people to answer there is no pressure on anyone to answer any post...

Also remember as many people as fall out it rarely happens people don't come aout the other side....People do argue in the real world and it isn't something that can be avoided....That said respect for others opinion and beliefs is something important too.

[gobbothegoblin]

Mrs tree is right. Discussions and debates tend to be the most useful way of getting peoples opinions across. And if this thread or any other with a debate going on inside it is triggering then the best action is to avoid that thread. Stopping discussions like this however would lead to more hostility due to people feeling they cant give there view or opinion due to fear of being punished.

-dave-

[spaghetti]

well, i think Rachel is right

i think this thread should close

its not helping anyone -certainly not me

I dont believe anyone anymore

go and start your own thread if you want

cause i am sick of getting the blame for

being the reason for the hostility

and the reason why things get out of hand

I am sick of being everyone's punch bag

there is only so much i can take - and i have reached it ok .

so i dont want to hear another word about hostility or empathy or anything

start your own threads and then you can get the blame and not me!

i am staying out of it, ok

i dont want to get the blame for everyone else's tantrums

i am no longer the bpd world scape goat - got it ?

[Miko]

you are all so moderate

wish i was

You have been sometimes, all you need to do is not post for a bit when you aren't.

You could try to work out which hat you are wearing when and wear suitable hats on suitable occasions. Some people also call it little ones or alters or facets.

We are moderate, so what? What we do hate is "it when" someone uses immoderate words against us. And for a short time after. Like someone said you don't have to turn yourself into an alien, so why do it specially just to post to us?

Spag please try to think out whether you want to go along with reasoning or not. It's your life and you are creating your hell and not any one of us at all.

< big grin for Spag

[spaghetti]

Yes, Miko I am creating my own hell

[Eva*]

I didn't read all the posts here but I don't understand where this thread went.

I think Spag complimented us others on having our emotions more under control than she has and was asking for advice how to get there. That is what I read.

But many seem to have felt attacked.

I don't get this anymore.

Spag,

Sorry my brain isn't working. So I don't know what to say that could give you an answer. I think for some it was or is hard work, for some it just never has been as big a problem as you see it in yourself, some don't seem to be very moderate as far as you are concerned.

Hope you're ok.

Hugs

Eva

[mrs tree]

spag....

This is a suggestion that maybe you should take a little time out from this site...i am not suggesting you leave but take time to sit back.by this I don't necessarily mean go away for a wekk just do something that takes this place away from the centre of your focus...From your posts it doesn't sound like been here is helping you right now and maybe if you step back you can see what you want from the site...

This is not a fuck off post but what i think may be helpful to you

[spaghetti]

thanks mrs tree

i take it in the way it was meant

and to be honest its what i have needed to do

i think this site is in my head at the minute

i have been for a great walk with the kids and the dog

that has helped to clear my head and get things back in perspective

thanks again - it seems you really do understand

take care

[spaghetti]

goodnight everyone

xxx

[mrs tree]

goodnight everyone

xxx

nite spag

[Joshua]

night night spag sweet dreams x

[pip]

Bye Spag

I am glad we are friends now

pip

x

[realscape]

Hi Spag

Not directly related to this thread, but in connection with yourself, something I feel from your posts is that you feel alienated and have a lot of pain of your own issues. Perhaps it would help if you talked about those things instead of just wondering how this site works and what the protocol is?

I do agree with your original point that people with MH problems aren't the best communicators in the world and that there is bound to be conflict and disputes because of that. It is true that the people who benefit most from this site are the ones who have learned how to write and convey their thoughts and feelings at a fairly high level. However, that is the situation, that is the reality of it. I understand that may feel quite excluding at first, but you do have the choice whether or not to be here and if you don't feel helped, or you feel attacked, then there are two options, either try to fit in or leave. I am not in any way saying leave, but sometimes the way you talk is as if someone has a gun at your head forcing you to be member.

x Real

[abbynormal]

I always say its good to kick someone when they are down.

Jean