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Destyre

By Destyre,
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Destyre Newbies

Destyre

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Hi my name is Destyre. Not my real name obviously, but I was searching around the internet for advice and stumbled upon this forum.

I'm not quite sure what I have to do exactly here, but I need help and don't know where to turn. I THINK I know what is wrong with me, but the definitions of what I believe my disorder to be don't fit perfectly. I won't post what is wrong yet, because of the possible chance that their is some kind of forum protocol for this.

Anyway glad to meet you.

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Leslie Member

Leslie

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Welcome Destyre,

If you feel not being able to post for now, you can read all the posts that are in the different forums topics and just give your opinion.

We are here to encourage people to have a better life and when in crisis we could give support. Agression is the only thing you have to avoid, then post any question that comes to your mind.

We'll be happy to help you.

Take care,

Leslie

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nettynoodle Member

nettynoodle

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hi destyre

i'm fairly new to this forum but one thing i have found is that whatver you have it doesnt matter everyones here to support and help you.

i'm just coming out the other side of a bad time and everyone here was supportive and understanding

post when your ready

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DanDown123 Member

DanDown123

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:lol: yeah, i didn't understand how it worked at the beginning either. I just started adding a comment or two to other people's topics, got bold one day and posted one of my own, and have since been gradually getting to know people. Sometimes people just talk about random things (there seems to be a big cat community here, but maybe that's just i chat about them), sometimes ask for practical or emotional advice. It's weird, but it works. But it's stopped me watching TV. I'm sure I'll get RSI quite soon, but I like my ailments, so that's fine.

See ya around, Des!

Danny.

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pip Loyal Members

pip

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Hi Des

Welcome to the site

- we also do doggie talk!!!!!!!!!

and lots of emotional stuff.

Watch out for Dan - he is a charmer!!!!!!!!

Anyway, please join in

We are all here for you

pip

x

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Destyre Newbies

Destyre

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Hi all and thanks for the warm welcome.

I don't really have a problem with posting what is wrong with me, but it's just strange because I have never told anyone. If they could even understand, I'm sure they would just judge me.

Here goes then. For as long as I can remember, I have had sadistic urges. Now and again, not all the time, completely randomly. I want to state that I have never acted on them, and like to think I'm strong enough never to act on them either, but it's something that I've lived with all my life and at the age of 25, don't want to feel this way anymore.

I've never been to see a doctor about it. I'm not sure why exactly, but maybe I wasn't certain about it before now and believed that I could always control myself. Maybe I thought I'd grow out of it as I got older. It's not that I don't trust myself anymore, but I am sick of being this way and I feel sometimes that I don't deserve to live for the wicked things I think about.

I want help. I'm not sure exactly what to do to get the ball rolling. Obviously I need to talk to a psychiatrist, to find out for real what is going on in my mind and also why. Ultimately I don't want these feelings anymore. I know that there is no magic wand, and probably no drug (unfortunately) to stop it, but I don't know, this seems a good a start as any.

I've never done anything like this before and certainly not shared this with anyone. I guess other people who have disorders understand right?

Well thats all I can say for now. Hopefully I'm not going to be seen as some kind of monster to you all, thanks for listening.

Destyre/Jason

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Stephanana Member

Stephanana

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Hello and welcome,

You are not insane for having urges...if you acted on them, then perhaps be a little concerned! Some obsessive thoughts can result in a fear that one wants to do something silly/dangerous...I have had impulses before as part of my BPD, but the only ones I act upon are selfdestructive...by sadistic do you mean to insult and hurt others? Mine used to be when I got a sudden fear that I could lose it, to slap somebody's face who was of importance (in a job interview), to the one extreme I had only the once...a feeling when I was suicidal/drunk standing at Oxford Circus St, thinking how it would be if I jumped, then I had an urge to do it...then I got worried that I would project that urge to push somebody else onto the Tube track...almost like an irrational fear that I would do something so horrific...soon sobered me up...of course I wouldn't, and have never come close, but it would be that terror that I actually thought of it..like a Tourettes but with actions rather than words. I guess many people have random thoughts and urges but never reveal them or act on them...I do not believe that anybody out there is 100% mentally healthy and in control, content and honest to themselves...just most (Normies...people who appear to be OK, are anti-therapy, mock the stigma etc...) are in denial, too dumb, fearful, narrowminded or deluded to realise it...nobody is perfect so never feel alone or like a freak for having issues BUT do seek help, advice, understanding, learning and be proud that you have taken active steps to help yourself.[

Let us know how you get on

Hugs from Stephxx

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Destyre Newbies

Destyre

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Thanks for replying. Yeah I think I should have left a link to what I meant by Sadistic.

Here is the official definition if you want to know more. Have a read so you know what I am talking about. Bare in mind I've never been diagnosed with it, but judging by my feelings, this is what I am sure I am suffering with:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sadistic_personality_disorder

As I say I have never acted on anything, so maybe I cannot claim to be suffering from this mental disorder?

It's more like images in my mind, unexpectedly hurting or destroying something, just because I can. A good example would be animals.

I have two dogs and I love them, but these feelings arise frequently for them. I'm not sure why they trigger it so much, perhaps knowing that they don't have a voice to speak out just arouses these nasty thoughts. You have no idea how bad I feel when my little puppy is sitting on my lap sleeping soundly, trusting me, completely at peace and feeling completely safe in my arms; and all of a sudden I get the urge to throw him out of my 3rd floor window or break his neck as he sleeps.

I know, it's horrible. I'd never do anything of the sort but these feelings are here, and I don't know why. I just want them gone. :(

I hate myself.

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DanDown123 Member

DanDown123

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Ahh, Des.......hugs, you sound quite isolated and confused.

I have never heard of this condition before, but read the link. I personally often fantasise about kicking my dad's head in, or having done so in the past. That doesn't meet the criteria of the diagnosis, but I am sure most people have felt how you feel at some point.

A book i read recently (Rachel Reiland, Get me out of here), said that feeling these things is ok, just acting on them is bad. Nonetheless, i know how i'm always consumed with anger, and often imagine scenarios in which i am arguing or hitting someone. I've never done it, and also know that even if i did, i'd only snap my limp wrist.

However, I am pretty sure that if you've got to the point where you have self diagnosed yourself and joined this site, there must be a problem. I don't know what to advise you do, just want to say keep posting.

Feelings like this are horrible, and i don't think they'll go away just like that.

I live on the 6th floor. If I ever get to move up to the 14th, you can chuck me over (it's the full monty or nothing). But leave my cat out of it, Pip will have him.

Pats to your puppies

and a hard smack on the bum to me from you

Dxx

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Miko Loyal Members

Miko

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If you are horrified by such ideas and trying to get away from them as soon as they arise - it sounds chemical / metabolic to me.

Depression is an ailment not to be sneezed at believe me!

Always be 'appropriate' if broaching things with psychiatrists.

Having said which, if it gets out of hand and too frequent, be open about it with someone ... there are pills for OCD and anxiety states as well ...

My appointment is next week ...

Having said all which: if you share regularly stories about your animals you will have firm 'cyber' friends here. I thinks animals were given to human beings to help us relate with other human beings ... everyone here loves animal stories including those of us who don't keep them

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rebeccaborderline Loyal Members

rebeccaborderline

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Hello and welcome,

clicked on your link too, didnt know there was such a thing, exotic! Like Stephanana I too fantasise sometimes about agression and violence to others but thankfully can never ever act on it; not so thankfully turn on myself. Ive found psychotherapy more constructive in long run than psychiatry; but maybe because it came at the right point; certainly needed shrinks and medications intervention in crisis.

Hope you find solace you seek; have a wander, this is an excellent site

rebeccaborderline

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