I Am Too Scared

[Anahita]

i am too scared .....anxious ....and so lonely.

it is very difficult to trust my new psychiatrist-since 3 months ago-. he is very warm .tries to be friendly. but i feel he is not the right person. i mean,well....seems to me ,he has not enough experience !!...i cant say why...but it's not just a feeling...there are some behaviours or things he said that makes me feel like this. so,i cant concentrate on psychotherapy and have been very anxious recently.....last week he said i need electroshock.....i am soooooooooooooo scared.....too much to bear......these days i am just thinking of killing myself.....seems noone and nothing can help me.......i believe i was so anxious because of him and because of psychotherapy.....

i said :i wont do it. but he insists. i am soooooooooooooo scared......i havent told my family yet. i read on internet about it and it's so scary.........memory loss ,headaches, learning disablity......god......i cant.....i read that mostly they do it for patients with selfharm or suicide records.i never did it!......

anyo ne has ever recieved this therapy?......my mind is blowing.....it's realy too much for me.....itoo much pressure......i am so lonely.....i feel noone cares what's happening to my life.....i am always thinking of studying another courses at uni. if i do shocks i am sure i cant study or even learn anything......i dont know what to do.....do you think i am too sensitive about him?.....do you think i must trust him in spite of my feeling and let him do electroshock therapy?.........

little scared Anahita

[Sandoval]

I have never had the treatment myself but I guess I'd try anything.

Good luck. XXXX

[pip]

All you can do is talk to him

and perhaps negociate to put it off for a while

to see if u get better.

Good Luck

pip

x

[Madeleine]

My friend had ECT and although she has some residual memory loss she thinks it was really helpful over all and if she had to chose whether to do it again she would. So please don't worry... for some people there are no after effects at all and some find it really helpful.

Maddy

[realscape]

Hi Anahita

Sorry to read of how confused you feel and how unsure of things at the moment.

It is only my opinion, but I am firmly against electric shock therapy, I strongly believe it is a form of psychiatric abuse. I have only witnessed the effects of it on my mum who was not improved by having it several times during the 80s. Her symptoms did not get better long term but for several weeks afterwards she was unable to write or co-ordinate things properly and didn't seems to recognise us, her children. She was normally a perfectionist with her fancy handwriting and was devoted to us kids. When we went to visit her after treatments, it was a mixture of frightening and sad.

I am horrified this is even considered to be a treatment option. I would strongly urge you to find a different way of getting help. Psychiatry is not a science it is a set of constructed ideas which at best makes it a belief system or religion. I don't buy it.

I hope you get the right help and you get the support you need. Don't rush into anything.

x Real

[Betsy]

I had shock treatments, also in the eighties and experienced the same things that real's mother did. I think that the shock they do today is not so sever and they can target it better. Having said that i have refused when my psychologist wanted me to go just to be evaluated to see if i would be a canidate for it. I would not do it again.

I think you should get a second oppion.

bets

[verntheconfused]

I've never had that type of therapy as most people don't take me very seriously but I can see why you would be afraid. If you don't feel like this psych is for you and if he is pressuring you to do something you don't want to do, I think it's very important that you find someone who you are comfortable with.

Best wishes!

Vern

[nettynoodle]

i've never had it and never would

i had a friend who had it for years and her spech was slurred all the time. her memory was bad and her personality changed

she hasnt improved in fact she got worse

i know its worked for some people but i personally dont trust it

i had a psych who i didnt feel right about its strange isnt it theres just something that doesnt fit but i asked to see another one who has put me on the waiting list for some 1 to 1 help from a specialist

[Miko]

I've heard it can be a lot different to how it used to be.

Having said which, I have not had the opportunity to observe this.

And in any event everyone is so different, for example I had an extreme reaction to a drug many people do rather well on.

Hoping your professionals are meantime flexible enough.

best wishes,

[Anahita]

i feel strongly that he is not experienced enough ,but i never trust my feelings...i always think my feelings ,my thoughts or anything related to me may be wrong.....i know it's stupid ,but it's a fact. i even told him once that how i feel ....but he said i MUST trust him and there is no other way .he said it is because i have personality disorder,so if i want to judge him by my mind(means through my personality)i will see everything distorted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..........i just cant believe it! when my mind is off,how can i do psychotherapy?????????????????

he has said some things that i cant believe.....he said :i am sure if my way of treatment doesnt work, NOONE can do it for you too!!!!........do you think it's true?.........

you know what i feel about him?...he is not that experienced and i am very special patient for him!!...once he said :you are a CASE for me...and an intresting case!!!....and it's very important for me to successfuly treat you.............then he said that BPD is the most difficult illness for a pysch. i feel somehow ,that he is using me .........and this approve my feeling that just after 3 months we met, while i am struggling to trust him and he knows that,he says i need that shocks..........why????????arent there any other treatments for me?...........years ago,i was much more depressed than now and none of my Psych s talked about shocks....

please dont think i am selfish....i never believed i am inteligent....and i dont mean it......but since third time i met him,i think he is not that inteligetn that a psych must bbe.....i believe he must be much more inteligent than his patient ,because a mentaly ill person is very complicated to understand and treat....i dunno why,but i strongly feel he has no high IQ. sis says i may be wrong ,at least because he is a specialist ......high IQ is needed for him to reach this point...........but i doubt.

this week, i must tell him if i agree to recieve the therapy or not. i am scared of even talking about it.. i think this may urge me supress my anxiety and depression .....to avoid it!!.....it's not the way a psychotherapy must be......i just dunno what to do....

[poodle]

what a really difficult and upsetting situation for you to be in. Is there any way you can change psychiatrists?

I have had electric shock treatment twice. The first time I had 16 lots when I was in a very sever, major depressive episode and it worked for me then. The second time I had 20 lots and it didn't work for me. I have been left with memory loss and I don't think my brain works the way it used to. I wouldn't say that it has affected me so much that I have a learning disability though.

i don't know if I would have it done again. Maybe if I was so severely depressed I would.

There are other treatment options available through medications, so I would try all of them before the shock treatment again.

Seriously try and change your psychiatrist if you really feel that he/she is so inexperienced.

Take care,

Poodle

[constantly_confused]

I think your concerns are right - to put it bluntly, to me he sounds like an incompetent moron. ECT is only supposed to be used as an absolute last resort & this means a very, very long way down the line.

His approach is clearly making you feel worse rather than better. Firstly he cannot force you to accept any treatment & should certainly not be pushing or pressuring you. Secondly, if he is suggesting you 'need' it, he should explain fully why & what the treatment involves, the risks & the real benefits. You have a right to get treatment that is going to help you, after all it is their job to make you feel better. I suffer anxiety too & one thing that often makes me nervous is the level of power or authority people have over me. I cry if people tell me off, I am intimidated by people & find myself assuming they are right & I am wrong.

Let him know how you feel, if he is approachable enough he should listen to you & may even apologise. If he continues to make you feel worse then perhaps it would be best for you to find another T. Its better to first try to make it work as it often takes time to feel comfortable with someone & the things they say.

Just want you to know you are not wrong & that you deserve better.

Take care. x

CC

[Anahita]

thank you all

i think i will try another psychiatrist, a very famous one. the problem is that he is very busy...soooooo many patients and......and sooooooooo expensive!!......well,i will try anyway. i am going to continue meeting the psch since i find a better one....and no electroshocks !!!.......

little scared Anahita

[pip]

Good Luck

My thoughts are with you

pip

x

[Miko]

"he said i MUST trust him and there is no other way .he said it is because i have personality disorder,so if i want to judge him by my mind(means through my personality)i will see everything distorted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.........."

Warning - No way is this a valid argument

If you are allowed by law, have not the slightest thing to do with this person

[Anahita]

miko

i met him today and he didnt talk about shocks!........seems he wanted to make me try more,instead of doing nothing and being just anxious by telling me how worse is my situation.....u dont think so???????

still i cant trust him. but till i find another psych, i need him.........anyway,it's a new experience!.....but may be i am a little relaxed because i am not that depressed today!!!!!......

thank you miko, pip

[realscape]

Anahita

I feel for your situation.

I think you need to be wary of this person. Firstly, making you feel that he is 'special' or expensive or superior is nothing more than emotional blackmail. It doesn't matter how famous he is. Michael Jackson is famous but that doesn't mean he's a competent human being. In fact, the more 'famous' the person, the less likely I would trust them. If nothing else, it just means they'v gone off on their own mad tangent.

My GP told me that my psychiatrist is "devoted and dedicated" to psychiatry. She sees that as a bonus. I see it as a problem because evidently he has a lot invested in his field of enquiry and is unable to think clearly.

Please trust your own instincts. Fame, books, letters after the name, don't mean anything, they just mean someone has been blinkered to a certain school of thought and has dedicated their waking lives to that persuit. Which could be considered as small minded, narrow minded, and obsessive.

Please take good care of yourself, keep yourself safe. If it doesn't feel 'right', it isn't right.

x Real

[Anahita]

REAL

i doubt he realy meant i had to recieve shocks.....know why?because after that,when we met, he didnt talk about it at all!!!!..........i guess he wanted to tell me how much i am ill !!!!....it usualy makes a patient continue going tothe doctor!!...........dont you think so?

my anger is increasing.....but i still go there...i think because i am soooooooooooooooooooooooo lonely...have noone to talk...........or it is frightening to find another doc and meet him/her.

i feel i am useless,stupid ....cant do sth for me.....i am just thinking about death..........i am soooooooooooo lonely.................

little scared Anahita

[realscape]

Hi Anahita

I don't know what to think of your doctors but I am very dubious of psychiatry as a practice and I am very dubious of oppression of people with emotional problems.

My personal opinion is that you would be better helped by a support group or a supportive therapist than by an authority figure or psychiatrist. You seem to hold a great regard for hierarchy and fame which personally I feel is a bit misguided. Just my opinion, please don't be upset by it. But perhaps if you could meet people in a similar situation to yourself and who have similar problems you wouldn't feel so abnormal and you could at least feel connected to similar people?

Hugs x Real

[Anahita]

Hi Anahita

I don't know what to think of your doctors but I am very dubious of psychiatry as a practice and I am very dubious of oppression of people with emotional problems.

My personal opinion is that you would be better helped by a support group or a supportive therapist than by an authority figure or psychiatrist. You seem to hold a great regard for hierarchy and fame which personally I feel is a bit misguided. Just my opinion, please don't be upset by it. But perhaps if you could meet people in a similar situation to yourself and who have similar problems you wouldn't feel so abnormal and you could at least feel connected to similar people?

Hugs x Real

Real,

thanks for sharing your thoughts about this.

i am still confused about this psych,but feel a bit better. actualy,he has good sides too!....i pay very less than others,because he simply agreed when he knew i cant afford. and he spend so much time....much much more than others for me.....he says it's because i need it NOW. none of my other psych's did it before!......

he is not famous and he is very friendly.but some few of his words have been somehow selfish ....on the other hand,i think may be he says so,because he want to make me more hopeful to continue therapy. and, well every person has weak point,right?......

but i am still confused......the psych that i said is famous and very expensive, dont accept new patients!....

Real, i dont know what to do.....so,i have to wait and see. i surely can cut it whenever i want.

last week i was in a crisis point....he talked about shocks again...but i said no. he didnt insist.

i am realy not sure about anything about him!!!!!!....we joking, talking about many things....and he is very warm though..........

Anahita

[Altered State]

Wow, no wonder you are still confused! I read some of the answers posted.

ECT, like some have mentioned, is generallly used as a last resort. I have had it done to treat my depression. I had asked for it. I was desperate. My depression is med-resistant and I felt I ought to give it a go. There has been alot of progress in this field. There are various techniques, such a unilateral and bilateral shock therapy. I had the unilateral.

I don't think it did much for me, though. I did have some short term memory loss. That was disturbing - I couldn't remember what I had forgot! Actually, the memory loss frustrated the people around me more than it did me. (I even found it handy afterward - fieigning memory loss when someone brought up some idiot thing I had done ).

But seriously, in my case, I didn't lose my faculties; didn't get dumber (did you know that ECT can heightened talents? - only for the short term, though); didn't start to drool, etc. Yet, from the responses, I gather there are many levels of side-affects and many levels of recovery. I would do more research. The more you learn on your own, the more comfortable you will be when you are again confronted with this issue. Try to be discerning about the sites you get your info from. There is so much bullshit out there, much like some of the opinions you received on this thread.

Oh, and get a new shrink, quick! This guy sound like a real winner. I wouldn't be too concerned about seeing an expensive shrink, either. I found more compassion from therapists who worked with mentally ill street urchins than I did with $200/hr professionals. As a matter of fact, it is with the former that I chose to continue therapy with (and not because I was saving $200). The BIGGEST FACTOR in finding a good therapist is HOW COMFORTABLE YOU ARE. Would you tell your enemy your greatest fear? Then why would you continue to tell your greatest fears to someone you don't trust? Isn't it kinda the same thing?

[Anahita]

Altered state,

yeah...i am still confused...hehehehe.....you know...there are lots of factors...my previous psychiatrists.....financial problems-i cant work- .....his good sides.....and things realy annoys me....

once i told my last psych(i used to meet him for about 8 years) about sex abuse. i spoke about it very briefly and he just shook his head....and nothing!!!!!!.....after 5 years we were meeting !!!.....then i thought may be i am wrong and no sex abuse happened to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! last time i met the new psych, i didnt tell him about abuse,but i said about what happened with that psych-he knew him-......he said it is very very important in my psychotherapy and we will discuss it whenever i am ready.

so,this is not important how expensive or famous they are......i agree.....but i can gradualy see that he focuses on me and pays so much attention to me when i am there. it makes me be a little comfortable.

yeah....he certainly has bad,unwanted sides.....i have to wait and see what is happening to my feelings . may be i need time !....i am sot sure if i am doing right or wrong anyway!....

do you think i am wrong?...think i am stupid and fool myself?.....

i wish i was sure.....

LttleScraed Anahita

[Altered State]

Altered state,

do you think i am wrong?...think i am stupid and fool myself?.....

i wish i was sure.....

LttleScraed Anahita

I'm not sure what you think you are wrong about. Your feelings? It is our feelings that alert us to possible dangers - real or otherwise. I believe that if you are upset, then something is not quite right. At least that is what I have been able to surmise by carefully watching my moods and what is happening around me at the same time. Sometimes, you may have to search your memory for moods that have started, say, weeks or months before and try to figure out what triggered the overwhelming emotions back then. For instance, I just realized today, the reason why I have been in such a bad state for the past 2 months. Two months of pain and suffering before I could even get close enough to the real reason for my pain. Not that I thought about it constantly for all that time, but, for that entire time I was really messed up.

Would I constitute myself as being an idiot or slow because it took me that long to figure things out? Hardly. I know it is the illness that makes it difficult to wade through the mess inside my head before finding what I am looking for.

No, I don't think you are stupid, nor foolish. You are scared. That's all. And by the sounds of it, you have valid reasons to be. I would be scared, too, if my shrink started "pushing" treatments that I am not familiar with; or writing prescriptions for multitudes of drugs "just to see if they will work for you." This is scary stuff we are dealing with here. OUR LIVES depend on this, not the doctor's.

I just notice that you are from Tehran. May I ask: is there alot of stigma attached to mental illnesses in Iran? Does religion play a big part in how you (or women in general) are treated when looking for treatment? I ask, not to start a religious discussion, but for my own knowledge, to help understand you better. You do not have to answer them if you don't want to.

Altered :)

[Anahita]

Altered,

i understand what you say....and seems you understand how i feel ........yes,i am not sure about my feelings, my decisions, and all the things related to me.....i am in my depression mood now and it's much harder to think sharply.though today,i found myself a little better....i can THINK !!!!!!......

I just notice that you are from Tehran. May I ask: is there alot of stigma attached to mental illnesses in Iran? Does religion play a big part in how you (or women in general) are treated when looking for treatment? I ask, not to start a religious discussion, but for my own knowledge, to help understand you better. You do not have to answer them if you don't want to.

a lot?....means how much?....how many people should think negative about that to be a lot?????......i say no...most of people know mental illnesses ,some may not accurate....but they would go to doctors if they or a relative or a friend need that .last year there was a serial on TV in which the main role was a bipolarI ...was a good one....she had a very attractive personality!!!!! but still there are some people who do not agree with psycology at all ,like any other place. some mental illnesses are less known than others...bipolar and bpd are some of them. mostly, relatives and friends try to understand and help patients.recently, the situation is even better. unfortunately, the Iran- Iraq war, caused more bpd patients(may be the revolution itself did it too),as researchers say.

i dont understand what do you mean by difference in treeatment?......my psychiatrists have been all men. they all told me it is so good for me to hang out and have sex with guys(sometimes when i am depressed,i cant)......i told my family what they said....at first they denied they heard it !!!!!!!!.....-my family used to be very religious-......but they actualy know that i need it and they try to make me get a bf or marry now!!!!....... even the most religous women and men see NO problem going to a psych,men or women.

hope you got your answers?

i feel less scared right now. guess i need time...then i will decide........

Little Anahita