verbena Posted December 2, 2004 Report Share Posted December 2, 2004 One of the oft times mentioned traits of BPD has been confusion about sexual orientation. I am very aware of this confusion in my own life, but haven't seen it mentioned here. I will say it hasn't necessarily been a huge problem for me, though it has been the cause of hurt feelings, misunderstandings and loss. Have you seen this trait in your own life? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshua Posted December 2, 2004 Report Share Posted December 2, 2004 i have known of a lot of bpd mention this, but a lot of them have also been sexually abused. I dont know whether this may be a symprtom of bpd or sexual abuse. hope this may help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy Posted December 2, 2004 Report Share Posted December 2, 2004 I have had this confusion in the past. I am now married to a man. My confusion was in my early 20's. I can't really explain it. I was intrested in both men and women then, I'm only intrested in my husband now. I don't know my experiences had anything to do with BPD. I'm now 31 and didn't know I had this until this year. Also, I have many holes in my memory that is true. I do not believe I was sexually abused. Not at all. My comments don't help do they. Hugs Amy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted December 2, 2004 Report Share Posted December 2, 2004 i don't klnow if you call it confussion but i would really like to have an affair with a woman. my husband is not a bad lover but i am no longer interested... but i want someone to be close to. i dont think this will ever happen bets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angelface Posted December 2, 2004 Report Share Posted December 2, 2004 Dear Vebrena Sexual confusion is not only linked to BPD, however is a part of BPD from what i have learned by my own experiences. I have previousley been confused and to some degree still am in my personal opinion which would be different for you and others the wish to experiment and healthy curiosity the confusion of sex with intimacy in both sexes or hidden needs of either parent which becomes confused by adult knowledge or the possibility of abuse and recreation Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bpmonki Posted December 2, 2004 Report Share Posted December 2, 2004 i can't say i've been through anymore confusig time the most young gaywomen but i have worked with gay people who get really confused with whether they gay cuz their gay or whether its because they were sexually abused its a toughy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doctor Dysphoria Posted December 6, 2004 Report Share Posted December 6, 2004 I have had a lot of problems with sexual orientation ie thinking i could be transsexual thinking i could be gay that kind of thing.I don't usually admit this to people :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted December 6, 2004 Author Report Share Posted December 6, 2004 I have had a lot of problems with sexual orientation ie thinking i could be transsexual thinking i could be gay that kind of thing.I don't usually admit this to people <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Thank you then.. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
m0noxide Posted December 16, 2004 Report Share Posted December 16, 2004 for a long time i've felt like i've liked girls, sometimes only girls and not guys.. i just had my first real girlfriend (i've actually had sexual relations with other girls, but never a real relationship) and it turned out HORRIBLY. turns out, she was pregnant and neglected to tell me this when we got together. i'm not sure if i'm straight, bisexual, or gay. there have been times when i've just not been attracted to any boys. at all. and then i am attracted to both. it's very confusing. i'm afraid to discuss this with my therapist as he might tell my mom. so i'm afraid i can't help you, other than to tell you i'm confused too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted December 16, 2004 Author Report Share Posted December 16, 2004 I think that for me, it seems to be less that I am generically attracted to women, and more that I am attracted to qualities found more often in women. It isn't necessarily true that they are more kind, clever, or interesting, but I see those qualities more in the women I know than in the men I know. My husband is a very nice man and an attractive man, but he doesn't make me laugh or thrill the way some of my female friends do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy Posted December 16, 2004 Report Share Posted December 16, 2004 I Know im only 20 now but it isnt really an issue for me, i have noticed it on lists and things as a trait of bpd but for me its not an issue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lille_eskimit Posted December 17, 2004 Report Share Posted December 17, 2004 I suppose the term 'sexual orientation' is open to interpretation...Most people would take it to mean confusion regarding one's preference in terms of gender...I have never had a problem with this...I've always known I was bisexual, and from a young age, have been attracted to both males and females alike...My problem with sexual motivation doesn't lie in that particular direction... The trouble is, I don't actually know if I like sex...This is a big issue with me...At times, I feel like such a whore (this has led to some promiscuity and casualness in relation to protection...another form self-harm), and the pride is sort of mingled with the hate, resulting in shame...and at other times, I am so naive about sexual matters and relationships, which makes me feel vulnerable, childlike, dumb...I suppose I enjoy the physical aspect of it, but hate the fact that I do...There are times when I avoid sex, and yet, if my partner doesn't initiate it, I am upset...If only sex didn't exist at all!!! Things would be so much simpler... Perhaps it has to do with the sexual abuse and rape that have been committed on my person...I don't know...I suppose therapy will soon unravel whatever sexual concerns I have, but it has yet to move into that arena...I am dreading it, to be honest... Having said all that, I do love David, and a lot has to be said for sex with someone you love...It does make things more straightfoward, more natural, and less disturbing...I have spoken to him about this, and it has made him a trifle uneasy as he's worried I might hate being physical with him, so I've had to assure him that none of it is personal...and I am working on these issues I have...trying to anyway... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toonkate Posted December 18, 2004 Report Share Posted December 18, 2004 i have known of a lot of bpd mention this, but a lot of them have also been sexually abused. I dont know whether this may be a symprtom of bpd or sexual abuse. hope this may help. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I have had some confusion about my sexual orientation, i think i may be bisexual, i have not been abused, so for me its either bpd or just life! i hvae had a couple of experiences with women, but one was when i was only 14, the other was a coulpe of years ago with my best friend, we were both drunk and sharing my bed for the night, we were flatmates at the time and another friend was using her bed that night. most of the action was on my part, and she seemed embarresed as she did get turned on by it, but we never spoke about it afterwards Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bored-a-line Posted December 19, 2004 Report Share Posted December 19, 2004 i dont fancy girls but i think some of my girl friends think im gay because im so clingy to them. i think some of them think i have a girly crush on them..BUT I DONT..really. also i dont have girly shoes and i dont wear skirts but thats all body issues and stuff. so i guess people could percieve me as a lesbian. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bored-a-line Posted December 19, 2004 Report Share Posted December 19, 2004 oh yeah and theres the fact that i've never had a long term boyfriend, or ayone i slept with who considers me their girlfriend. and the fact that i dont sleep with anyone for long periods of time. never thought i was gay tho. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
m0noxide Posted January 4, 2005 Report Share Posted January 4, 2005 i think i have found a girl that i am interested in her being my girlfriend. wow that sentence was so totally grammatically incorrect. but yeah. only problem is i think she's straight. ]= i don't know if this is the right thread to post this in. she has been my best friend since first grade. she told me she thought she was bisexual two years ago but she has never had a girlfriend or shown any interest in girls to me. so i'm pretty confused. any advice? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted January 4, 2005 Report Share Posted January 4, 2005 Probably by approaching the subject likely like maybe say something like "I think Angelina is hot!!" see what she says or something like that. Find out her response and then if she responds how you want to and it seems as if she maybe still bi then ask her if she is still bi? She is your bf so she should be honest. Then if so tell her how you feel. If thats not the case try not to feel that bad because you are still young and people are still experimenting and changing at your age and there are sooo many people out there. Best advice start up a convo leading into your question so you can ytest your waters. Thats what I did with this guy! LM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wisdom Posted January 5, 2005 Report Share Posted January 5, 2005 Alternative lifestyles do not go hand in hand with bpd nor history of sexual abuse. Its been studied and studied and studied............. I have been in a same sex partnership for the last 26 years. This relationship has been healthy and positive. I've been a lesbian since my teenage years. I'm now 47ish. Being gay/lesbian is a decision that is often not a choice..... (a bit more complicated than what I'm sharing right now). It has more to do with emotional intimacy than actual sex or sexual attraction (tho it does happen). Questions of sexual orientation is a common occurance even with married folks who are happily married. Doesn't neccessarily mean they are gay/lesbian. There are issues of identity.................w/ bpd folks Wisdom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lille_eskimit Posted January 5, 2005 Report Share Posted January 5, 2005 Being gay/lesbian is a decision that is often not a choice I've often thought that too...You either are or you aren't, simple as... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
psyche bunny Posted January 11, 2005 Report Share Posted January 11, 2005 I think I started out a bit bi....I am nearly 42 and have been married to my hubby (yup a man) for 20 yrs now....I used to wnat to have intimate relations with women ....but never have done.....just fantasies, even while i've been with hubby.....and no not to titilate hubby.....cos I used to think this stuff from about 13 yrs old.....I aint so interested anymore I think that you once you settle down as I have and as you get older you sort of grow into who you are....and being gay or whatever isnt me ...... I dont think it is important so long as you are happy and not hurting anyone else! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted January 11, 2005 Report Share Posted January 11, 2005 I agree with Wisdom, I do not think sexial preference has anything to do with BPD. I remember having abuse issues and I have BPD but I am straight. I have a lot of gay friends and I don't think there is anything wrong with being who you are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lille_eskimit Posted January 11, 2005 Report Share Posted January 11, 2005 I don't remember a time when I ever had a problem with my bisexuality...It's just the act of SEX itself that's the major issue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chimpy Posted January 24, 2005 Report Share Posted January 24, 2005 I am a 27-year-old guy with BPD (I think) and I have had continued confusion surrounding my sexuality in terms of bi-sexuality - I have always known I like girls but have had gay sexual experiences. I think I did this because I was desperate for intimate attention from ANYONE and after each and every one of these experiences I promised myself I would never do it again. It made me feel dirty and fake, and even during the sex I find myself wishing I wasn't there or with a girl instead. I did it again this weekend and afterwards was filled with self loathing, still am... Maybe it is a way of punishing myself too - and because it seems easier to find. I have never had a proper loving sexual relationship with a girl - i want it more than anything... But it seems impossible for someone to love me, I drive people away because I am so clingy and needy... I am the antithesis of what a man should be... Chimpy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted January 24, 2005 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2005 (((((((((((((((((((Chimpy))))))))))))))))))))))) Don't be so hard on yourself. There are reasons that have nothing to do with your goodness or lack of same that cause you to have these feelings and do these things. You are certainly not alone in much of what you say. I hope you can believe this. You sound like a nice guy to me. XX Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kraaken Posted January 24, 2005 Report Share Posted January 24, 2005 Dear Verbena, When I was in hospital last autumn, one of the junior female doctors asked me if I am gay. The question didn't shock me at the time although I got the impression she was thinking I was going to break down in tears of confession. I even looked her in the eye (which I've not been in the habit of doing since last March) and said "I think I'm Bisexual". See, I've had sex with both men and women and I prefer women but it's true that I'm attracted to some men too and had some good times with them. However, I've not had either a long-term boyfriend or girlfriend so it's still difficult for me to sort out. Also there's a few problems with being gay: 1. Society still doesn't tend to accept lesbians, not in the same way that Disney has the princess marrying the handsome prince fairytale. 2. It is harder to start a family, e.g. if you want IVF you have to pay a lot of money, either that or sleep with a male friend... 3. Standards of appearance tend to be higher, so you will do fine if you are slim and attractive, but if you are average and a bit overweight you might as well be invisible in a gay club. So I've got a few hangups about being a lesbian. Also I was taunted at school a few times for being a lesbian, I don't know, maybe I was caught looking at girls in their bras in the changing rooms.... bye for now K Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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