Bpd= Supersensitivity?

[InnerPeace]

How about making yourself that perfect partner Chimpy and equip yourself with the tools you need to protect yourself from the pain inside? Then you and a future partner can both be whole and complete individuals who love and support each other equally. I know that can feel impossible and it's not easy...but it really is possible xx

[Chimpy]

Another trait that I have, does anyone else?; complete inability to learn through experience when it comes to emotions eg when Im in crisis, cant remember ever not feeling like that, hence hopelessness. When Im well, remember events of crisis but not the feelings, cant see how i could ever have let myself feel feel so bad

rebeccaborderline

I completely relate to your point here Rebecca - when I'm feeling well, I can't understand how I let myself get into such a terrible state emotionally/mentally and when I'm ill I simply can't feel what it was like to be in a better place. But that doesn't stop me trying, but the realisation I come back to is that I felt better because of external forces, mainly other people. It seems the human brain has a very poor pain memory, maybe as an inbuilt defence mechanism in us all.

Mr Chimpy

How about making yourself that perfect partner Chimpy and equip yourself with the tools you need to protect yourself from the pain inside? Then you and a future partner can both be whole and complete individuals who love and support each other equally. I know that can feel impossible and it's not easy...but it really is possible xx

Wow, thank you for replying InnerPeace. Especially when I went a bit off topic. A part of me is terrified that my past will always preclude me from finding true love because nobody will accept me if I open up. Former flames have often said I am more like a boy than a man. I used to get really angry but it's true because my emotional development and sense of self got stuck somewhere in adolesence. It does hurt though, because it makes me feel quite inferior to other people. I need to seek help and I need to try and find out who I really am. I fantasise about this, it just feels really hard in the actual rat race world I live in. I want to be rescued but I have to rescue myself, I've just made so many mistakes in my relationship with myself. Thanks again IP

Chimpy (Mr)

[rebeccaborderline]

Unfortunatley Chimpy, it does stop me striving, hence riskiness. I have notices all around flat now, in drawers, on walls, (my T's suggestion) so when in that hopeless place, I read what Ive written in my own hand, about how it does pass, it will pass, it can be got through...seems to help

rebeccaborderline

Ok ok makes me flat look like a loonies flat! But cat doesnt seem to mind

[Chimpy]

Unfortunatley Chimpy, it does stop me striving, hence riskiness. I have notices all around flat now, in drawers, on walls, (my T's suggestion) so when in that hopeless place, I read what Ive written in my own hand, about how it does pass, it will pass, it can be got through...seems to help

rebeccaborderline

Ok ok makes me flat look like a loonies flat! But cat doesnt seem to mind

Hi Rebbeca - I'm glad to you have found a way to help you get through the bad times. The thing I find the hardest is that when I'm feeling in the darkest low I have to pretend that things are Ok - to friends, flatmate at work. I have to keep my notes in my head but they are still there.

[InnerPeace]

Don't worry Rebecca - I know a few people who have affirmations (positive statements like I am confident) all over their house...you're far from alone!

Another one suggested to me was to look myself in the mirror each day and say 10 times "I love you"....that one stretches me a little too much...maybe one day! I did have reiki healing from someone exceptionally gifted a few years ago and afterwards caught myself in the mirror and I smiled...that was huge...the world started to take on colour....I started to enjoy myself without just pretending that I was.

You're more than wlecome Chimpy. I think you're in a similar place to my sort of boyfriend. There are many forms of help...different types of therapy and complimentary medicine/therapies...see what feels right for you/what takes your interest most.

Having to pretend things are ok when they're not is so hard. I wear my heart on my sleeve and my boss at work will always ask if I'm ok and it takes all my strength for that not to tip me over the edge while I'm sitting at my desk. Fortunately I can get away with having easy days at work.

[rebeccaborderline]

Cant do mirrors, find them disturbing

rebeccaborderline

[Leslie]

I went to a Conference on the Highly Sensitive Children, I went for finding a better way to help many of my students, and I found they were describing myself as a child and my niece too.

And one of the conclusions was that as kids if we are not redirected to recognize that conflicts and overhelming situations we could develop a Personality disorder.... sounds familiar ??

Leslie