About Us

[celticgirl]

I'm kate,i'm 28 and i live in the south west in a small village.I was sexually,ritually and emotionally abused as a child and abused and raped as an adult.....as a result i had a miscarriage which took me a while to come to terms with.Have suffered depression and ptsd,also bpd traits(never properly diagnosed).I no longer have meds or any psych help apart from a private counsellor.I used to self harm and attempted suicide many times due to what i went through.Have also lost several people close to me.....but things are getting easier now,i am self employed and teach horse riding and music.I have a lovely partner and 2 beautiful horses,so i am really lucky.

[badger]

Strat - you definitely have lots of friends here mate!

Thanks, H, I hope you're one of them (just trying to get to your cats)!!

strat (Doug)

Of course you are Doug! We could always do a kitty exchange program, mine can go and stay with you and learn how to speak english again and your lovely Bengals can come and learn Spanish and how to laze by a pool pretending to chase lizards.

H x

[strat]

Strat - you definitely have lots of friends here mate!

Thanks, H, I hope you're one of them (just trying to get to your cats)!!

strat (Doug)

Of course you are Doug! We could always do a kitty exchange program, mine can go and stay with you and learn how to speak english again and your lovely Bengals can come and learn Spanish and how to laze by a pool pretending to chase lizards.

H x

I'm sure there's something wrong with that deal but I can't quite put my finger on it. Do I get to lie in the sun in Spain at any point?

s(d)

[rebeccaborderline]

Great idea Susan

Im Rebecca, 41, single, live in Kent with cat, Mir. No partner, kids, siblings, father.5 years very abusive childhood, sexually/physically/mentally, first tried to commit suicide age 8, bleach. I reported abuse to police age 12 and from then pretty much forbidden to talk about it; learnt of the court case 2 years later by eavesdropping. Horrible teenage years, v unhappy, just me and my mum, we dont get on. Left home 16, bummed around, moved to Crete, Greece aged 21, stayed for 7 years, fell in love, set up a farm etc; paradise and happiest time of my life. Returned England age 28, got university entrance and moved to kent. Had suffered severe depression untreated for years, became much worse in my 2nd year uni, finally sought help. During a particulrly heavyhanded councelling session awareness dawned that my mother had been actively colluding in sexual abuse; not false memories, the memories had always been there, Id just blocked understanding of what they meant somehow. Series of several nervous breakdowns/long spells in hosp followed, Im a severe S/Her also, dxed first bipolar then changed to BPD with severe depression. Couple of long sections; eventually so heavily medicated (depixol depots) became vegetable. Stopped all meds oct 05 with support good therapist, A & E and hosp few times since then but short stay and will only accept crisis meds. Trying to give up booze, too risky; recently cut all contact with mother, and feel nowt but relief. Some progress compared to 2-3 years ago. When not to low, I read obsessively

[just me]

anyone else??? there's gotta be more. i really like having these in one place.

don't be shy...we need each other!! i posted a reponse to keep this at the top as so many had said it was helpful..but we need more of you here, if you can.

I will come back to this thread... When I'm feeling better...I'm really low just now and would probably give you all a very negative view of myself.... which I'd hate myself for writting later when I'm more stable.

Hope that's ok ;)

[Susan27]

i hope you feel better just me. really do. sending a big hug to you :wub:

[Susan27]

any more mini-bios? just trying to keep this on top as it helps us all see a more detailed description than what we say/said under introductions and it's mostly for people who post in the BPD area.

[JTBadBug]

Hello,

I am Jane, I have been around the site for almost a couple of years and seen lots of changes.

I am being treated for severe depression and my doc does not like to talk about BPD, initially he even told me that it did not really exist. I believe that I have strong BPD traits at times and finding this place gave me the first place in the world that I ever seemed to fit in...have people understand me and be able to understand others.

I live next door to my parents and lost my buddy...a golden retriever (see my avatar) in August, all being well I shall be having a new puppy in the forthcoming spring. Susan, I have never been to Boston other than the airport, but, I have skied in Maine, New Hampshire and Vermonth...my brother lives in Chicago and me...well I live on the little island of the UK.

I have not been on here posting so much of late...I have been struggling with myself, but, that won't last forever...well I hope not.

Take care everyone and it is nice to say hello again.

Jane :)

[Susan27]

i wanted to add a reply so this would be up top for some of the newer peeps in here. i have found this easy to have a mini bio about people that spent a lot of their time posting in the BPD area and having it all in one thread. welcome to anyone who's new to this area and thank you so much everyone for replying. I have too found it easier for reference rather than finding bits and pieces and individual posts from the general board. thanks so much!!

[Lucy-lion]

I'm Amelia (Lucy-lion is the name of one of my coping strategies which I'll have to tell you more about later), I'm 32 live in Leeds with my husband, two tanks of fish and two african land snails!!!

I've only recently joined this board, just starting to find my way around and get a bit braver to post a bit. I have had m/h problems for around 12 years, only recently diagnosed as BPD. Had numerous other labels before but none ever seemed quite right. BPD does seem to fit my experiences quite well though. The only scary thing when reading more about it has been the negative way people with BPD are portryed. And I still think I'm quite a nice person really!!!!! And so are all the other people I know with BPD for that matter!!!!

I'm currently doing 3 courses part time - pottery, ECDL computer course and NLP - neuro-linguistic programming. The pottery is just for fun. The computer course is with a view to returning to work, to maybe do some admin work. Very scary after 10 years out of work but I want to try. The NLP is a research project to see the effect of this kind of training in m/h. Many of the things we are learning are to do with learning coping techniques (like my lion one) that would make it easier to live our lives. So far its helped a lot.

Oh and i shouldn't forget the most important thing - i LOVE bears!!! Anything to do with them - collect teddy bears, books, magazines, postcards about them, go to bear fairs which are lots of fun, have lots of bear jewellery etc. My teddy has been my best friend all my life, stuck by me, soaked up oceans of tears, offered endless hugs and still loves me!!!!! He's very special to me.

[alib]

MY name is alison.I am 38 Ilive with my parents at the moment.I am hoping to move out again soon.I live in lancashire.I have 7 dogs that take up most of my time.I love to walk with my dogs.When I feel good I do flyball with them .I have some good freinds from all over the country who do flyball.Other than that I dont do much.At the moment I am on mirtazapine and chlorpromazine for my depression and bpd.The chlorpromazine makes me tired most of the time Im hoping to come off it soon.Any way thats enough about me .By for now alib

[lloydy]

hi all, i've enjoyed reading your posts sp now i'll tell you a bit about me.

I'm david, i live in Somerset and i own half of a manufacturing company.

i have a very supportive wife of 21 years, and 3 great kids 16,17 and 19. i'm 43, 44 in jan

about 2 years ago, we took on major investment at work and for various reasons, my business partner was not around much. i became stressed and this led to my weekend drinking becoming serious binges.

i would find myself at my desk early evening crying and thinking babout suicide. i never touched drink during the week but i could'nt wait until friday and get totally wasted. i would do the same on saturday. always the party clown that made people laugh.

anyway, one drunken saturday, i simply went over the edge, laughing, crying, laughing again, wanting to fight priends and i finally accepted that i needed help.

i was diagnosed with depression and didn't/couldn't go to work for the next 6 months.

jan this year my bus partner had had enough so i tried to go back to work resulting in a big step backward in my mental health, i tried again in summer, this resulted in me taking a serious attempt at suicide.

i was booked into the priory and they told me that i was an alcoholic so i spent 4 weeks there drying out.

i don't believe that i am an alcoholic but never the less i stopped drinking in june as i accept that alcohol is a depressant and i WILL kill myself if i relaspe again.

tried going back to work after the priory and was re-admitted 3 weeks later, this time on their general programme which was CBT counselling.

my business partner is playing a very dirty game of trying to get me out of the business but i am fighting him with solicitors at the moment. i have a meeting with a barrister on friday.

he has banned me from my own factory, disconnected my computer and told all staff that they are not to follow any of my instructions, hence why i can't sleep and am popping chill pills to get me through the day.

i have regular spiritual healings and i have learnt to meditate. i reccomemend this to any of you to try, i believe that it really helps me.

well thats me folks in short, i suffer from servere depression but i AM getting stronger

love and light to you all

lloydy

[rebeccaborderline]

Bloody hell Lloydy, what a b******!!!! that man is!!

Hope you find the strength to fight him; but as importantly to continue getting stronger

TC

rebeccaborderline

[sisterbig]

I'm Renee (sisterbig), 49 years old with two grown sons. I was just diagnosed with BPD. Also have DDNOS, PTSD and major depression. I was ritually abused until I was 38 years old and then my first therapist after I got free sexually abused me for 2 1/2 years. I'm currently in therapy with a good therapist. I live in Florida but should be moving to Pennsylvania within the next year or so. I've gotten hooked on building dollhouses. I've made 12 and my house is full of them. I'm making Christmas crafts for the local crafts fairs. I do this to keep busy. I can't work and am on disability. I'm married and my husband treats me real well but won't deal with any of my mental health issues. He puts up with me so that's a major plus for him. I don't have any friends other than online. I hope to be able to find a place here and fit in. Thanks for reading.

[lloydy]

thanks rebecca

lifes a bitch sometimes eh

lloydy

[Susan27]

Hi jane/JT Badbug: i live very close to new hamshire (15 minutes) and Maine (30-45 mins) and Vermont too. Nice places to go. I'm glad you get to have the best of both worlds! so sorry about Buddy, Jane. I hope your new puppy brings you a lot of companionship and happiness

Hi Alison/Alib: 7 dogs!! wow!! another big animal lover! there seems to be a lot of us here

Hi Amelia/Lucy Lion: good luck with your courses! The Teddy Bears are wonderful!! they make great friends don't they. i've mentioned my Winnie the Pooh bear in a couple of threads here...he's a real companion and big tear and fear absorber too!

Hi David/lloydy: i love your "love and light to to you all" ... how beautiful! thank you!!

Hi Renee/Sisterbig: I'm in the U.S. too! so glad to meet you. I too have my only friends right now from this site! and i keep hoping the connections and closeness will grow with time. all I know so far is that I've run into so many wonderful, caring, bright, very creative people here who I'd love to get to know better. So glad you are here too! Perhaps we will meet in chat sometime?!

to everyone else who has posted as well, I'd list you but it would take up a lot of space and you know who you are!! thank you so much for participating. I've loved reading your intros...I am so sorry to hear all the painful stories but can't help but notice that every single one of you sound so warm, and caring and so bright! I am amazed at how intelligent and sensitive all of us are! How dare we get struck down with these illnesses, huh? Well, at least we all have each other. I remain very grateful to be a part of this message board and to know all of you!

For you all:

[Antari2012]

My name is Christopher.

I desire to socialize, but socialization puts tremendous stress on me. Every relationship ends with my hating the other person. Most of my problems are conflicts of interest within myself.

I have Borderline personality disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, anti-social personality disorder, and suffer from mild hallucinations (auditory and visual).

My best friend is my cat, who's name is Slippy, but I call her "little bitties," since she's very small for a cat. Speaking of which, I am 5' 2", and 18 years old.

I worked for two years, with my hours going from 55 a week, down to 4 a week, due to unbearable stress levels. Finally, I was diagnosed with neuropathy, and an unknown form of degeneration in my cartilage, which left all my joints aching horribly, especially my right leg, which is why I have to walk using a cane. Now I stay at home with my parents all the time, and stress over the fact that I never get out, yet when I do get out, I get stressed about being away from home (so stressed that I sometimes have panic attacks in public).

I was once into witchcraft and other similar practices, which led to my encounters with evil spirits.

I have a high IQ (all we BPD-sufferers seem to, don't we?), and a high interest in computers and other technology. I am very creative, and draw, as well as write poetry. I've had many girlfriends, but every relationship left me more damaged than before, so I have decided to be alone, at least for now, to prevent suicide. I research many things, especially controversial things, such as government secrets, plots, lies of the media, etc.. In my youth, I developed a near unlimited tolerance for pain due to circumstances back then (I spent every day from the time I was 10 to the time I was about 13 in tremendous pain from urinary problems).

As far as my personality, I don't have one, or, well, I have a blank page. I only recently came to the realization that my whole personality changes depending on who I'm with, and I take on the traits of those I know, yet I have none of my own. This would explain why I never have known myself.

I rarely smile or show happiness, since I tend to see the bad side of everything, and all the things most people don't let themselves see. This makes it impossible to be happy, so I just exist.

Oh, and I want a squirrel as a pet.

[stevew]

Hi,

I'm Steve. I don't have BPD but my girlfriend does. Well she isn't my girlfriend at the moment as we've had a big fight....and i mean a fight, it was horrible and reminded me of the early days when i didn't know about her BPD.

Now i do and am trying to understand it from other peoples experiences on here and peoples advice.

I'd love to know of members who are in relationships that are traumatic.

I'm a young 51, she is 36. I have had a failed business which has caused me loads of problems. I've just started to work again after a year with no income...that was tough on us both. We don't live together but have contemplated it a few times. I guess that's a bit scary too! She has a 7 yr old daughter who i love dearly. She doesn't work but is supported by her mother.

We live in Uk.

Thanks for being here.

[yorkiegal73]

Great idea for a thread.

Hi, I'm Sam. I'm 35, from Yorkshire (hence the nickname), single and live with my cat, who rules the house. Currently unemployed due to my condition, although my family and doc keep pressing me to think about going back to work. Don't want to right now as I'm looking forward to spending the summer in the garden lol. Seriously though, I can't even find the energy to attempt charity work let alone full time employment at the moment.

Diagnosed with bulimia at 16, depression from 18, borderline traits at 34. In and out of therapy since I was 17 and finally spent a year at a therapeutic community. Thought things were much better after that until I failed at a job and since then have regressed to the worst I've ever been. Am starting to feel more hopeful now though.

I can only get online for 2 hours per day at the library right now as my phone line was cut off (no good at bill paying) and my computer broke. I hope to splurge on a lap top soon and will finally be able to get into chat.

I don't have many interests but love reading when my concentration will allow it. I watch far too much tv and love Doctor Who and Torchwood at present. My ambition in life is to get Sky, order all my food and cigs from tesco direct on my shiny new laptop and never leave the flat again, as I find the only people I get on with are online.

[Tray]

Hi Im Tracy,

i been on this site since nov last year, which is when i got my bpd dx. i live in wednesbury, in the west midlands, by IKEA!!!

i have had depression since i was 8, i do self harm, and have tried to sill myself a few times, i have an eating disorder, which i have prop had since i was 15 but the issue has only just been raised now...

i am on the list for therapy, and awaiting an emergangy app with the concultant pdoc, as my cpn is unhappy with my treatment of my current pdoc casue he refuses to give me any medication and i am loosing the plot!

i seperated from my hubby last june, and now live with my bf, who doesnt understand my probs at all, so i fear i'll loose him too, no one in my family knows about my problems, and that the best way...

i currently work part time for the NHS, pricing prescriptions, and am in my final year of a open uni psyhcology degree, ironic lol

[19ellie]

Hi!

Helen/Ellie 26 (not 19 lol) from Leeds, but originally from the NE of England.

Live on my own - in my own flat after being in a hostel for a year, after being made illegally homeless.

Was dx with Borderline in Jan - well thats when I found out about it anyway!

I used to be an active Scouter, and was also involved in Casualty Simulation, which is great fun. To date I've been in 3 plane crashes, a train crash, and been cut out of various cars!

I take citalopram and propanolol.

Helen

x

[OceanCarol]

Hi, I'm in my 30's, I have been married for about 19 years and have two kids....one 18 and ther other one a baby. I know big age gap.

I used to have a fulltime job and do all of the motherly things, but recently stop working because of a burn out. I've always had depression and anxiety so now I am finally taking the time to try to "reboot" myself again with therapy. Right now its hard for me to do the simple things, like going to the laundromat, or even going out of my house. I am not taking any medications, but I have before and am afraid to try again because of the effects they had on me. Its going pretty good.

Through out all of my depression and anxiety and everything I don't know how but my son managed to turn out to be a fine young man. He is in the military and I am so proud of him, but miss him much. Now I'm raising my little one.

With all of this going on, my relationship with my husband has been rocky so we are also in the process trying not to argue so much. I am finding ou so much more about myself through this.

[Ulrica]

I think this is a very good idea for a topic

Hey, my name's Ulrica (aye, I know, same as my user name, so original ). I'm 26 and Swedish by nationality. Though I'm only half-Swedish and the rest is part Italian and part Finnish. I lived in Oxford, Banbury and Reading (UK) between 1996-2006 and also in Reading and Warrington (UK) last year.

I got diagnosed with BPD last August. I've previously been diagnosed with BP Type II, PTSD, GAD, agoraphobia, anorexia and major clinical depression. Now it's "just" BPD though.

I've been written off sick since September 2005 since basically I am unable to function within society's "normal" framework.

I'm very good at hiding my problems (even from myself), I rarely ask for help (I don't want to bother people) and there is no one that really gets me and the way I work. I have plenty of friends but they only see the stable me. I'm an inward acting borderline, though I do act-out sometimes, but I can count those times on my two hands. I like this forum because I feel like I'm not shunned or rejected because of my BPD. I know I rarely write on here about my problems and when I'm in crisis but again, I don't ask for help 'cause I don't deserve any, simple. I also find it hard to reply to posts since I feel I don't have any right to give advice since I can't deal with my own problems. Sadly I fulfill all DSM criteria for BPD. It sucks arse (but I don't have to tell you guys that). I still SH, I still have plenty of ED issues and so on and so forth... Most of the time I just want to scream but I never do, I have too much (unhealthy)self-control. What you see is a facade, the real me is well hidden under all this crap.

I have been on countless of meds (without success) but am officially meds free since a year and a half. I've had CBT for anorexia when I was 15, CBT for agoraphobia (with moderate success) and general psychotherapy for all the other crap since 2004. I've been admitted seven times to a closed ward and have spent the better part of my twenties fighting for the right treatment and the right diagnosis. I'm currently hoping to get into a DBT programme where I live, it's really my last resort.

I have a history (that unluckily I share with many others on here) of drug abuse (I still use on occasion), rapes, abortions, alcohol problems, abusive relationships (the physical scars fade but the emotional ones stay forever), ED, impulsive behavior (I've never finished any education above GCSE level (and I've tried so many times it's getting silly) ), shopping addiction, sex addiction, suicide attempts, SH, severe dissociation (I can loose a day or too if I'm unlucky) and just a general inability to function.

Unlike some I had a really good childhood. No abuse of any kind, my parents are still happily married and we always had plenty of money and I grew up in affluent parts of town and they're very understanding. There was never any ban on showing emotion, my younger sister is emotional as is my mum, my dad's more reserved as is my older sister. I was intelligent even as a child, I did extremely well at school and never had any pressure to perform well (I put that on myself). There is no history of MH problems at all in my family (nope, not even depression). It always pisses me off that pdocs look for problems in my family. There never were none, I ended up fucked-up on my own thank you very much.

I have a dream of being an MH worker and work with young people with ED's. But that's just a dream that seems far away at the minute. I do want to get better I just don't know how. I love rock, metal and industrial music, films, reading and writing. I'd love to get published but it's unlikely that'll ever happen.

Sorry for the long post.

Ulrica

[kissprudence]

Hi everyone,

This is indeed a great idea for a topic!

I joined this forum in the autumn of 2006, but haven't been active on here much recently. I was diagnosed with BPD and rapid-cycling bipolar disorder in April 2006, and have suffered from eating disorders since I was twelve. I was aware of there being something "wrong" with me from a very early age, but quickly became skilled at hiding it from those around me. Although my diagnosis makes a lot of sense, I have found it very hard to come to terms with being mentally ill. My natural tendency towards negative thought-processes is very powerful, and it is exhausting to be constantly battling one's own nature. I feel as though my personality is conspiring against me all the time, and that's hard to live with. However, I have managed to turn my life around to some extent and the small victories I've had are enough encouragement for me to keep trying. I may not have the life that I had hoped for, but I'm here and I so desperately want to make the most of it! Does anyone else here feel like that?

I have lived with my mother in Devon since July 2005, but before that I found it hard to stay anywhere for very long and tended to move around frequently. Being relatively settled for nearly three years has helped me to calm down and I consider myself really fortunate to live somewhere so beautiful. I gave up drinking in April 2006 and have remained sober ever since, which is a big achievement for me. I refuse all psychiatric medications because I have had some very negative experiences with them in the past. I try to manage my condition to the best of my abilities, and would say that I feel better for maintaining some semblance of control. Obviously it isn't easy and I am not always successful, but I do my best!

I am currently single and have been since I left my boyfriend in July 2007. It was a difficult relationship and a traumatic break-up, but I am feeling much better now. I have recently completed a course which is designed for women who have surved abusive relationships and I found it very helpful and supportive.

Gosh, I'm finding this surprisingly difficult! Oh yes, I'm 33 years old and I have a lovely cat called Graham!

Bye bye,

KP

xx

[Tammy]

I'm Tammy, I have bpd, diagnosed officially last august. I have depression, and PTSD. I take Abilify and Effexor XR. Coming off the abilify though, switching to seroquel.