So Do You Like Being Ill

[paddypotty]

I had contact with the crisis team a while back,it wasnt particularly helpful and one comment has been with me ever since.

It was suggested that maybe I had reasons for being ill and that maybe one of the reasons could be that I liked receiving disability living allowance,I receive 300 hundred pounds a month and I would swap that if I could stop living in the dark,feeling so unconnected to other human beings and generally feeling like a piece of shit,I didnt say that to the wonderfully enlightened person I met,I sat there and let her judge me.

Im just wondering if anybody else has reasons for being ill?

And yes I am toying with the idea of complaining about the person I met.

Patricia

[JTBadBug]

The person who said that to you Patricia needs shooting. The problem people have with us is they have absolutely no way of understanding what is going on inside...or even just how difficult it is to try and explain the feelings, the battles, the despair, the blankness. Lets see...would you prefer to have a battle between inner parts where one keeps telling the other you must die and receive £300 or would you rather have a quiet mind...go about a gentle day looking after the kids and laughing..doing a part time job to earn the same £300 and feeling that life is worthwhile and fun. Perhaps you should start a poll Patricia.

People are just so incensitive.

[paddypotty]

I think she had a preset idea about people with long histories of self injury etc,I think too if I saw her again I wouldnt be so quiet.

I know too that she isnt in the minority,someone close to me had work experience for a local mental health team,he was disgusted with some of the professionals he met,he said their attitudes were disgusting and the higher up you went the worse it became.

I know too that there are some decent people working for the mental health services,I think they become desensitized after a while,no doubt it is difficult and somewhere along the line they just have enough.

I think too that bpd is seen very negatively,often we are prejudged,we arent seen as people just as a hateful diagnosis.

Patricia

[michellenola]

well i myself am on dla, and the thing is most the time i am so bloody frightend to go out my front door to spend the dla, i would surly trade my dla for a nice happy life, please if any nice person out there wants to trade with me lol,

[paddypotty]

exactly Michellenola,I dont know maybe the only way of proving its not a scrounger thing is just to stop claiming dla.I guess then they would accuse me of being a martyr.

Patricia

[InnerPeace]

That is awful Paddy.

I think the trouble is some people probably are happier not to work and receiving DLA means that they get more money than they would on JSA or IS, just as some do like to wallow in their illness and be like martyrs. Some resent others for being able to live reasonably content lives, become jealous and go out of their way to manipulate others, provoke emotional responses and gain a sense of power and control through doing that. It's not nice but it does happen and that means everyone easily gets tarred with the same brush.

I think all you can do is stand up for yourself and say that isn't true of you but I know it isn't easy.

[paddypotty]

I think maybe she said what she said to get an emotional response from me,she didnt get it mind,I just sat there stunned.

I think I feel ashamed that I am like this in the first place,no doubt there are people who fiddle the state,pretending illness but having a personality disorder doesnt necessarily mean I am that dishonest.

My reasons for being ill are valid but my diagnosis gets in the way sometimes.

Patricia

[kissprudence]

Hi Patricia,

I'm quite shocked to hear about what happened to you. It must have really upset you. I would do the same as you and worry about it all day!

You have enough to cope with as it is, without people saying silly things like that to you! Sometimes I just don't get it, but there you go.

I can't offer any advice, but I will say one thing. This person has taken up enough of your time today being unhelpful. If you keep thinking about it and being upset about it, this person will have taken even more.

Sadly, there are always going to be people in the world who do not understand what it is like to live with a mental illness, and who quite frankly, do not WANT to know what it's like. But you have to realise something - this is THEIR problem, not yours! If they want to be ignorant, let them go ahead! It'll come back around - it always does in the end.

Ignorance sucks, but it's all around us and people who have a mental illness are easy targets to pick on. Just remember that the kind of person who wants to be cruel or unkind to someone with a mental illness, is a dishonourable, cowardly person. They're not worth your time.

I think you should report the incident to whoever is in charge, and then let it go. Otherwise, you're going to be the one to suffer. Think of this - do you think the person who was mean to you is going to be up all night fretting about what they said? No, of course they're not.

It's hard to forget it when someone upsets us, but we need to learn to do it, for our own self-preservation.

You have friends here who DO know what it's like to have a mental illness, and who will listen to you and sypathise with you. Take strength from that, and try not to worry too much.

I know it's hard though!

Hope I haven't said the wrong thing? Please forgive me if I have.

Take care,

KP

xx

[paddypotty]

thank you Prudence,this actually happened a few weeks back and yes Ive been thinking about it for ages.The best thing is to let it go but it would be worthwhile if I did say something to psych next time I see them,Im often tempted to direct them to here and let them see that not everything about bpd is negative.

Patricia

[kissprudence]

Sounds like a plan!

Go girl!

KP

xx

[jai]

well patricia

all i can say is that it is dreadful this person said this to you. ppl can be so cruel at times.

take care

love

jai

x

[sundries]

It jjust makes me despair.

when you first get ill you are told if you were brave you would ask for help. youre told you wont be judged. youre told people will want to help. youre told not to be ashamed of being ill

and hten when it turs out you have more htan a bit of over exaggerated down in hte dumps - then you are manipulative, want to be a 'scrounger', attention seeking, etc...

I know now why i was brave to ask for help. I was also foolish

[paddypotty]

Im going to print this out and send it to psych,sod that Ill send it to the crisis team along with a letter of complaint.

Thanks for the replies,they mean a lot.

Patricia

[Micheal]

Often happy + no imagination = fuckwit, which seems to be the case with whoever said this to you. I'm

angry on your behalf and i'd gladly disabilitate them so they can find out what it is like for the rest of

their lives.

There seems to be this 'all mental health problems are down to the individual and can be fixed by the

individual' attitude floating around which is lazy thinking and any mental health worker should be fired

if they hold such views cos it means they must be incapable of doing their job they deserve an equally

judgemental attitude to their employment viability. It's just the same as mass media world, full of

simplistic statements and judgements.

It's funny how on the surface most people are in favour of the welfare state because it's the thing to

be seen to be, but when that's not in focus they just slag people off that use it, which for me

highlights their actual nature. People like that can fuck off.

;)

[strat]

Michael: totally agree with your comments.

Paddy: I'm sorry this is happening, try and make sure somebody suffers for it if you can? If that happened to me I would be hopping mad

(Apologies for not being able to add anything else original to this thread.)

strat

[kissprudence]

I agree with Strat!

Michael, you are so good at putting things into words and I totally agree with everything you've said!

It's time for us to realise that we DO deserve our place on earth, just as much as anyone else.

Most of us are highly gifted, deeply sensitive individuals who simply have a real problem in making sense of a world which is, quite frankly, organised so that is appeals to idiots!

They can all bugger off out of it!

Hoorah!

KP

xx

[celticgirl]

Thanks Micheal,you hit it on the nail there....some people have nothing below the surface so they attack and belittle those of us that do.((((((Paddy))))))))) you are worth 100 of those morons xx

[Murdock]

I cannot repeat how that makes me feel. I would pay £300 per month to get out of here. Some so called proffesionals need locking in a room with a few of us and say that. Your not alone, look on the general board and see my thread socks.

I am attending, by invite, a workshop dat tomorrow on how services to ppl with BPD can be improved and although i'm bricking it, 'cos I'm the only patient amongst 200+ " Proffesionals", I will certainly be mentioning this type of thing.

Take care and f**k them all.

Lots of hugs

Murdock

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) :angry:

[JustOneMore]

I get DLA because i am ill.

If i wasn't ill, then i wouldn't get DLA, but the fact is, i am.

Nothing is going to change this, so i may as well make the best of it.

£217 a week though plus £187 a month rent, i'm certainly not rushing out to find a job.

[nettynoodle]

i'd rather be out working again

cant add anymore everyone has said exactly what i feel

[paddypotty]

Id rather work too then I might have a sense of dignity.

Patricia

[PanickyPolly]

Something along these lines has hapenned to me a couple of times. Firstly I was on Incapacity Benefit for a while after finally admitting I can't work then I got sent to an assessment centre where the DWP get a 'doctor' to see how unfit or not you are for work. I told him about my problems and I got a letter back from the DWP saying I had been found fit for work. I asked for a report and the doc said that my anxiety and depression was mild and did not significantly effect me in any way. he also denied that I have any physical disabilities in spite of the fact I brought a letter from my specialist to prove it with me. It took six months to sort it out but it was finally reinstated. I then spoke to a so called friend about it and she said 'well I'd agree with him...if I was running the country people with mental illnesses wouldn't get any benefits at all I'd save the money for people woth real problems. I kid you not. That is what she said.

[paddypotty]

wow,not a very enlightened friend then,I think this stigma will always exist.

Patricia

[michellenola]

yeah i guess its peoples ignorance becouse they cant see the problem they assume there isnt one,well all of our problems are real, and i think its time all proffessionals ,social workers, job centre workers got themselves more educated, even doctors these days are still not as well educated on mental illnesses especially with bpd, we just get dismissed as not worth it , or it not being a real ilness, well i for one would rather not have a penny and get better,,and why should you be a myrtr and give up the money that you need to survive on, there is enough people out there getting benfits fraudulenlty , why sould we feel guilty for genuinly needed it , thems that dont really need it dont feel guilty, sorry for ranting,

nola

[paddypotty]

Thank God,I have an excellent GP,hes aware that mental health services where I live arent up to much,Im grateful that he is there,I know many other people struggle to find a decent GP.

Ive been trying to compose a letter today,my only problem is it turns into a seven page rant,Ill get there eventually.

Patricia