Venting And Screaming

[LadyMacbeth]

:( I need to vent! There is too much going on in my head and I am not sure how to deal with it except lock myself in my room and avoid everyone that is usually my coping mecanism. First of all I feel so rejected because of my family. I feel like a complete outcast and always have. I am not sure where this feeling comes but I always have. Does anyone ever feel that if your famliy cannot love you than who will love you? I feel like my family dislikes me for a reason and they must see something in me that is unlikable. So does everyone else feel that way? WHY DOESN'T MY FAMILY LOVE ME!!!!!!!!!I had to scream. I feel like a scared child at times looking for her mother but she is not there. Most people when they are stressed or need help they can turn to the stability and the warmth of their family for help but I can't. I have friends who are supportive but do not really understand how I feel. I do not expect them to. I have my therapist but I am just getting used to the idea of having to change therapists so I still have to learn how to completely trust her.

There is school. I have to hand in my last paper this week and I am done. School has been my identity since I was four years old. I thrive on my education because I used to be able to throw myself into my work to escape how I am feeling inside. Now its over and I am not sure if I can go to graduate school just yet. But, I was left with this job in retail I hate so much. I could deal with the fact that I could work there and still be a student but for some reason I cannot be there anymore. I am taking a leave of absence but I don't want to go back there especially since I do not get along with various employees and I know rumours about my whereabouts will be flying around. I hate feeling like an outcast!

So I feel rejected by my family and scared about my future. I just do not know what to do. I know I should discuss this with my therapist but I am tired of hearing medication. Its not going to resolve these issues.

[Alexa]

Hey Baila

Sometimes getting away from people can be best, it's what I usually do because don't want to upset anyone!

Your friends might not understand how you feel but we do and we're here for you, it's good that they're supportive though even if they can't totally understand. About the changing therapists thing, I've only ever had one so not much advice for you there, but like you say, you just have to learn how to trust her.

I totally know what you mean when you say you "throw yourself into work to escape how you feel outside" I do that too, and it's great, really works. But just because you're leaving school doesn't mean you have to stop doing the work, even if it's purely a distraction/fun for you.

If you hate your job, can't you look around for something else?

Medication doesn't resolve any issues you're right, but it does help/make it easier for you.

I bet your family love you really.

Hope you're OK.

xxxx :wub: