lille_eskimit Posted December 21, 2004 Report Share Posted December 21, 2004 I think I'm having another nervous breakdown... On Friday, after I handed in my essay, and was making my way towards the train station, a guy came up to me. All he did was say hello to me in Chinese, prolly assuming that I'd be impressed or something...but for some reason, I panicked...Faced with the choice of doing the polite thing by greeting him back, or simply ignoring him, I decided...quite bluntly put...to freak out. I quickened my pace to get away from him, and heard him go "Hey!" behind me...Don't know why, but my immediate thought was, "OMG, he's going to rape me!" Next thing I knew, I was rushing across the road, terrified he'd come after me... During the short journey to the station, I was close to tears, and did my absolute best to give every single male being a wide berth, which was quite a feat since everyone was out doing their x'mas shopping...I must have looked like an idiot, dodging in and out of the crowd, weaving from one end of the path to another, and whimpering all the way...about to burst out sobbing...I was literally THAT scared... By the time I got to my destination, I ensconced myself in the corner of a cafe, away from everyone...and it suddenly dawned on me that I was being irrational...The last time I had a panic attack on this scale was at Picadilly Circle more than a year ago...coincidentally, it was also the festive season at the time...Again with the tears, anxiety, and fear...I know this is a little contradictory, but in trying to find a safe place, I was dashing out in front of cars and nearly got myself killed. It's somewhat embarrassing to talk about this...I thought I'd already put all these behind me, and that I'd finally found a way to control such behaviour...Guess not...I seem to be taking another step backwards...What keeps playing in my mind is, "Oh, here we go again..." Perhaps it's the pre-x'mas stress that's doing it, plus the piles of work that have been creeping up on me...The silly articles in this month's Cosmo about rape prolly had something to do with it too (They were part of the research material I used for my essay)...and coupled with my personal history...meant that my mind was working overtime, and not as constructively as it's meant to! This is very worrying...I do not want to turn into the screaming, bleeding, drugged-up mess that I was in London last year... What am I going to do??? :unsure: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostsoul Posted December 21, 2004 Report Share Posted December 21, 2004 honey the good thing at least about this is that you recognise it is irrational, rather than thinking you were avoiding a real danger. however, it is obviously still a problem for you - the past and the anxiety that is linked to it. are you in therapy for this? i think all i can say is DON'T PANIC in a douglas adams manner. just because you flipped out doesnt mean you'll keep flippping out and yes you are under stress right now which will pass. if you really feel yourself sliding then you should try and avoid the stress for a bit if you can. i dunno. i'm a bit of a mess myself right now and its hard to give good advice. sorry. but i am thinking of you and hope it gets better soon. love claire Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted December 21, 2004 Report Share Posted December 21, 2004 I know how you feel because I had a really bad one at work about a month ago and I stopped having like two years ago. I def. think it is just stress but I have been taking herbal Valerian and it has been helping because it won't allow you to reach that level of anxiety. It just makes you feel drowsy though. I refuse to go to a mall and I only started going out to big stores a few days ago fearing it will come again. I just hope it goes away because its debilitating. But since you have not had a bad one for awhile I am sure you will be fine. I think some of us are more physciologically acceptable to get them under stress. I just finished my work for school and I was really stressed out as well. Plus the x-mas season is here and I am not sure about you but I tend to become more depressed around this time. Take care, Baila I think I'm having another nervous breakdown... On Friday, after I handed in my essay, and was making my way towards the train station, a guy came up to me. All he did was say hello to me in Chinese, prolly assuming that I'd be impressed or something...but for some reason, I panicked...Faced with the choice of doing the polite thing by greeting him back, or simply ignoring him, I decided...quite bluntly put...to freak out. I quickened my pace to get away from him, and heard him go "Hey!" behind me...Don't know why, but my immediate thought was, "OMG, he's going to rape me!" Next thing I knew, I was rushing across the road, terrified he'd come after me... During the short journey to the station, I was close to tears, and did my absolute best to give every single male being a wide berth, which was quite a feat since everyone was out doing their x'mas shopping...I must have looked like an idiot, dodging in and out of the crowd, weaving from one end of the path to another, and whimpering all the way...about to burst out sobbing...I was literally THAT scared... By the time I got to my destination, I ensconced myself in the corner of a cafe, away from everyone...and it suddenly dawned on me that I was being irrational...The last time I had a panic attack on this scale was at Picadilly Circle more than a year ago...coincidentally, it was also the festive season at the time...Again with the tears, anxiety, and fear...I know this is a little contradictory, but in trying to find a safe place, I was dashing out in front of cars and nearly got myself killed. It's somewhat embarrassing to talk about this...I thought I'd already put all these behind me, and that I'd finally found a way to control such behaviour...Guess not...I seem to be taking another step backwards...What keeps playing in my mind is, "Oh, here we go again..." Perhaps it's the pre-x'mas stress that's doing it, plus the piles of work that have been creeping up on me...The silly articles in this month's Cosmo about rape prolly had something to do with it too (They were part of the research material I used for my essay)...and coupled with my personal history...meant that my mind was working overtime, and not as constructively as it's meant to! This is very worrying...I do not want to turn into the screaming, bleeding, drugged-up mess that I was in London last year... What am I going to do??? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lille_eskimit Posted December 23, 2004 Author Report Share Posted December 23, 2004 however, it is obviously still a problem for you - the past and the anxiety that is linked to it. are you in therapy for this? I'm supposed to be...I am on medz, and have had my intro session with my careworker/therapist (Jean) to find out how she can help me, and she asked me to keep a diary...But my second session got cancelled ('cos Jean was ill), and no one notified me...I walked almost 2 miles (bus doesn't go that far) in the wet and cold for nothing...I've been told that another session will be arranged, but it's been weeks now, and no news. :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RunnyWabbit Posted December 23, 2004 Report Share Posted December 23, 2004 Call Jean. Try and set up the session yourself. I dont think it would do any harm. Panic attacks are a bitch. They are very sneaky in the fact that you cant know when they are coming, or at least most of the time. Just coz ya on meds doesnt mean that ya will always be rational and mentally stable all of the time, after all thats the reason you take em, becoz you aint rational and mentally stable, right? Its OK to be irrational once in a while as long as ya dont stay there. You did what you needed to do in the situation. Dont be so concerned with how ya looked ya will prolly never see most of those ppl again. I am sure that most ppl have been irrational at one time in their lives, its the human condition. Charme take care of you, dont worry about what others think. (((((((((((((((((((((((Charme))))))))))))))))))) Wabbit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RunnyWabbit Posted December 23, 2004 Report Share Posted December 23, 2004 Btw, I dont believe that you were being silly because even though it was irrational, it was real to you at the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginny Posted December 23, 2004 Report Share Posted December 23, 2004 lille_eskimit - you poor thing - I know exactly how you feel - I suffer from panic attacks and although I now know what is happening to me it IS very frightening and distressing AND embarassing in front of people. I feel for you but can only suggest that you find somewhere quiet (hard at Xmas), deep breathe and continually tell yourself it will pass...... let the rational you come to the fore.... I know this doesnt sound like much help but I wanted to let you know that I really understand that awful feeling...... ((((lille_eskimit))))) Ginny ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lille_eskimit Posted December 29, 2004 Author Report Share Posted December 29, 2004 Call Jean. Try and set up the session yourself. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I only have the switchboard number for the local MH team, and have already left messages for Jean...but still, nothing...I think I'll wait till just after the new year, and then make another call... I know I shouldn't worry about what others think, but it's difficult when you get odd looks and you know people are talking behind your back...I guess that's my 'don't-do-anything-to-lose-face' upbringing rubbing off on me!!! Thanks for the support peeps...I really appreciate it...People can say what they like about BPDs being horrible, but thus far, I've seen none of that...You've all been really nice, and have restored my faith in the human race!!! :wub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
psyche bunny Posted December 31, 2004 Report Share Posted December 31, 2004 You poor thing, I know how it feels I have done simailar freak outs as well, as said by someone above, you shld not worry about looking like an idiot as you will be unlikley to see those ppl again. What is more, even if it is in hind sight, you are able to rationalise your behavior, you might like to talk to Jean about it but you are the one who has done the work, (which is how therapy works in my opinion, yuou have got to do it for your self the therapist just opens doors, finds paths for you, etc). If ringing the MH team doesn't get u anywhere write to Jean c/o MH team. I appreciate you read the mags for research (what are you studying?) but that's the reason I avoid those kind of mags and tv (bad for your 'ead), when I used to read them I ended up hating my self even more than ever for not being pretty, slim, having long/short hair blah, blah, blah, what a waste of paper and space they are! whatever you do dont let the panic attack stop you from going out and stuff every little thing however horrible it feels at the time is a step on the road to recovery not normality but a better place than where you are now, that is how life is. I had to learn that lesson you have to trust to it, to yourself and to life. take care little flower Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lille_eskimit Posted January 3, 2005 Author Report Share Posted January 3, 2005 I guess writing should be my next step if I'm not getting anywhere on the phone... You don't suppose they'll think I'm a pest for calling so often, do you? After all, I've already left a few messages (one in person when I last saw my psychiatrist)...I HATE using the phone...I always get all jittery and nervous... :unsure: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vicky Posted January 3, 2005 Report Share Posted January 3, 2005 I guess writing should be my next step if I'm not getting anywhere on the phone... You don't suppose they'll think I'm a pest for calling so often, do you? After all, I've already left a few messages (one in person when I last saw my psychiatrist)...I HATE using the phone...I always get all jittery and nervous... You're not being a pest, you're just asking for the help you're entitled to. Please keep reminding them, it sounds like this might reallyh elp. I hope it does Victoria Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lille_eskimit Posted January 6, 2005 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2005 More bad news... Finally got my act together and called the CMHT... Jean is still off sick, she hasn't been in touch and no one knows when she'll be back...In other words, it's back to square one for me again... They called me back just now, but only to say they'll try to get someone else to see me...which means I'm on the waiting list again...I told Jean's colleague over the phone that I'm not quite with it today (it was all I could do to keep from bursting into tears since David's freak of a bro is prolly eavesdropping in the next room), but I don't see what else they could do except get someone to see me ASAP... :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lille_eskimit Posted January 8, 2005 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2005 Got some good news...CMHT called me again, and told me that Jean will most likely be back to work again within a couple of weeks, and they can sort something out for me then!! :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.