A Good Night

[owl]

I cried a bit when my boyfriend arrived at my house at 7:30pm, and then said that it might take me a while for my mood to pass, but that I reckoned I would be ok by the end of the night.

Dinner was great. I was in that dark-ISH mood, but it meant he got to talk about himself alot and he told me some personal things, which was really nice... Like, that sometimes he'll get upset and just cry for a few hours, that when he was young he had some counselling and learned to manage his moods, that he thinks he bottles them up a bit which is why he might have outbursts sometimes. I thought all this was very interesting. I relayed back to him what he was saying so that he knew I understood. But, because of my head being full of thickness - that heavy ultra cloudy feeling in my head - I couldn't say much.

I think I just answered a question I was about to ask. Why do I like it when people need me? Because it makes me feel validated! I was neglected a lot throughout the first 13 years of my life, and when people need me, it makes me feel good? Is that a Borderline thing? Can anyone else relate to or shed some light on this?

So, anyway, then we went and shared a chocolate sundae, on the way to which he'd stop in the rain under the umbrella to give me a kiss, and that was all hella-romantic!

At home I actually managed to relax, lying and listening to music, James was asleep, and then I read some Japanese cooking receipes because they rock.... and I dreamed about cooking...

He is becoming more aware of my condition and how my moods function. He notices at parties that I can be really happy one minute and crying the next... So, I'm laying of the booze to give myself a sporting head-start in those situations.

Cheers, :wub:

[lloydy]

owl, thanks for sharing last night with us, wow, you have really made me stop and think about why do we like some one needy us.

nobody has ever suggested this idea to me before but i really think that you have hit the nail on the head. i am told that i have very low self esteem whichi guess most of us on this site suffer from, but i certianly get enthusiastic when it comes to offering help/advice and i am drawn to people who seem to need help.

any way the important thing i would say is that it sounds that you had a preety good evening

take care

lloydy

[suchcrazyness]

really hppy for you that you had such a good night, and think that it is great that you wrote it down so you can look at this some time when you are down and remember what the good times can be like... I think we need to do this more -so easy to forget the good times...

you are asking good questions, I don't know if the 'feeling needed thing is a borderline-specific thing, but I do know that it is a pretty trait... we like to feel needed and appreciated.

Sorry that your head was so fuzzy, but seems like it was almost useful in that your bf had the opportunity to share some things about himself -good stuff.

glad for you,

Chris

[owl]

I went to Borders bookstore yesterday and read some of "I hate you, don't leave me" and they were saying that common career paths for borderlines are in personal care attendance and stuff where you help people... Interesting...

Owl x