Chronic Emptiness...

[Guest wife]

I struggle to feel emotion, like happiness or sadness (although I can feel utterly depressed). Even something like love, I KNOW I love my husband, well in my head I do, but I don't feel it in my heart.

Often I know I should be feeling something , or even that I am feeling something but I can't put my finger on it - I can't identify it in my head. A T at the TC once described it as standing at a bus stop with all the busses passing by, without stopping to let me on.

Another one of the psychotherapists who is attached to the TC but doesn't actually work in it said that this kind of detachment from emotions is quite common in people who have been ab*sed

So anyway, yeah, is this what is meant by "chronic emptiness", you know the good old BPD symptom???

Jay

[gingerwoman]

I struggle to feel emotion, like happiness or sadness (although I can feel utterly depressed). Even something like love, I KNOW I love my husband, well in my head I do, but I don't feel it in my heart.

Often I know I should be feeling something , or even that I am feeling something but I can't put my finger on it - I can't identify it in my head. A T at the TC once described it as standing at a bus stop with all the busses passing by, without stopping to let me on.

Another one of the psychotherapists who is attached to the TC but doesn't actually work in it said that this kind of detachment from emotions is quite common in people who have been ab*sed

So anyway, yeah, is this what is meant by "chronic emptiness", you know the good old BPD symptom???

Jay

[gingerwoman]

I don't have this exactly but then I don't have full on diagnosable BPD just symptoms of it.

But I do know what your talking about because sometimes I get this.

The hardest thing to feel is happiness.

Sometimes the baby can cry and I feel nothing.

Even while my head is saying I should do something

[aylaah]

can't answer you but I have the same thing. Serious detachment abilities/flaws (depends I guess on the situation). I don't know if it is the same as the emptiness, or if emptiness comes about in various ways. I don't know if it is a type of dissociation, or depersonalisation, or what it is.

Not much help, hey? just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

[becci]

i get it specially the knowing u love sum1 but not feeling it but for me its more than that its like having a hole in ur stomach (i feel thinks in my gut mania depression love all of it) its like walking around witha hole there u cud cry but cant cos u dont feel its like being numb or in shock theres just nothing just a huge hole

[Guest wife]

numb just about describes it

I dunno

jay

[owl]

i was reading in this book today about it. they said that it's hard to define. but they mentioned all the symptoms you all have described. i personally interpret it as a lack of emotion. i am sooooo frightened about having an emotion. and this so called "emptiness" apparently also inhibits us from experiencing an real empathy for others. i know what i think are the right things to say when someone is upset, or happy. when they win the lottery, i say "wow, that's amazing!" with the right intonation and appearance of excitement, but i just can't emotionally connect with it.

the emptiness i find overwhelming when i dissociate.. especially at parties. people are talking, and it's like watching busses go past, literally... nothing is stimulating. like a wierd numbness or something??

apparently we get used to the emptiness and adapt to it rather than try to rid of it. i find that when i get emotional, i try to induce dissociation, coz it numbs me emotionally... helps me switch them back off again. so, maybe that's what they mean when they say we bpd people need to learn to emotionally regulate?? like, letting the tap on low, rather than flooding the sink?

hugz,

owl-ness

[Kryptonite]

Chronic Emptiness???

I think of it as.....I do have feelings, I get sad / depressed / giddy, I can cry, I can laugh - they're feelings & emotional reactions, but it's never enough. Almost as though they're not real but 'pretend' feelings! Even if I'm happy, it's as though it's a 'front'. When I'm sad, am I really sad, or is it an act?

Tied in with the emptiness is an overwhelming boredom (for me). I can remember as a child i would ALWAYS say "what can I do - I'm bored". I was so empty inside that I needed to be occupied constantly in an attempt to fill that empty / bored space. I still have this to a certain extent as an adult, and I think that's why I struggle to be alone - without company that emptiness is there permanently.

Then when the depression kicks in, the emptiness makes me feel hollow, as though I'm dead inside & just a shell of a person.

This, however is just my perspective..... it may be different for others.

[tizzywizzy]

Chronic Emptiness???

I think of it as.....I do have feelings, I get sad / depressed / giddy, I can cry, I can laugh - they're feelings & emotional reactions, but it's never enough. Almost as though they're not real but 'pretend' feelings! Even if I'm happy, it's as though it's a 'front'. When I'm sad, am I really sad, or is it an act?

Tied in with the emptiness is an overwhelming boredom (for me). I can remember as a child i would ALWAYS say "what can I do - I'm bored". I was so empty inside that I needed to be occupied constantly in an attempt to fill that empty / bored space. I still have this to a certain extent as an adult, and I think that's why I struggle to be alone - without company that emptiness is there permanently.

Then when the depression kicks in, the emptiness makes me feel hollow, as though I'm dead inside & just a shell of a person.

This, however is just my perspective..... it may be different for others.

This is exactly how I feel. I feel empty and dissociated. I look at my kids and I just don't know what to think, feel. I hate this, can't break out of this, tried all the usual but am so exhausted. Am a just ashell coz I have exhausted myself keeping so busy to fill the empty. But now I am just flat. :(

[anastasia]

i wish i could help but i just wanted to say that that's how i feel all of the time.

[lauraw2693]

Just wanted to say that I know exactly what you're talking about, I've had this kind of problem for the last few years.. Like I know what I should feel but don't feel it but pretend I do.. Its not fun, but I suppose the emptiness is better than the depression that sets in sometimes.. I'm sorry that probably didn't help much..

[Aneurysm]

I feel empty a lot of the time, also like there is a piece missing from my stomach. Normally goes with feeling really bored and useless.

[lyonesse2710]

yeah that sounds pretty much how I am most of the time - when the emotions hit, thats when i cut because they floor me, its too much and they are too intense.

[Ruth24]

I've always had problems with the chronic emptyness. when i was diagnosed i asked the doc to elaborate and what does it mean before i answered, but he couldn't. i could tell he wanted me to say yes, so i just said 'ok, yeah, i feel that' But to be honest i have no idea. I can empathyse, laugh, cry feel a whole range of emotions

What is chronic emptyness? I'm sure you all have your own interpretations and feel it in your own ways. Perhaps i do feel it but can't identify it. I really have no idea, and have thought a lot on this one but never come up with any firm conclusion

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[Data]

Chronic Emptiness???

I think of it as.....I do have feelings, I get sad / depressed / giddy, I can cry, I can laugh - they're feelings & emotional reactions, but it's never enough. Almost as though they're not real but 'pretend' feelings! Even if I'm happy, it's as though it's a 'front'. When I'm sad, am I really sad, or is it an act?

Tied in with the emptiness is an overwhelming boredom (for me). I can remember as a child i would ALWAYS say "what can I do - I'm bored". I was so empty inside that I needed to be occupied constantly in an attempt to fill that empty / bored space. I still have this to a certain extent as an adult, and I think that's why I struggle to be alone - without company that emptiness is there permanently.

Then when the depression kicks in, the emptiness makes me feel hollow, as though I'm dead inside & just a shell of a person.

This, however is just my perspective..... it may be different for others.

This is very like how I feel. Its like emotions are fake and life is just 'acting'.

[profound1]

It's a wierd one this emptiness malarky.

I often have no trouble expressing emotions, I am very emotional a lot of the time, usually crying and feeling sad in relation to others, a kind of empathy, I feel other peoples pain and cry for them but not for myself. Happiness is a whole different ball game, I rarely feel genuinely happy or content but I come across as happy and content because I am so used to faking it it. I feel empty deep down, I feel numb inside and love doesn't seem to have any real emotion attached to it.

I feel as though my life is fake, my past and my present are fake, they dont feel real. I don't feel real.

[rukea]

emptiness for me is almost physical. like there is this pit or black hole in my stomach and everything i do is to get away from that. Need to be constantly busy or entertained coz when im alone with myself it takes over and its just painful. im just in pain. i dont know why i am, i dont know what caused it. but when i think about it... well i cant think about it. thats why i think i can disassociate from people, or my feelings towards them when i need to. to get away from the pain. its like adrenaline when you are in physical pain. its implemented when you are in too much pain to cope. i disassociate when i cant cope with the emotional pain. im not really explaining myself very well . i think my main point is that i have to distance myself from people and my feelings towards them to cope with the emptiness.

[feistymiss]

emptiness, not feeling part of anything or being able to plan, not being able to organise things, being at a family occasion, where you "!should" be part of the structure and feeling left out, abandoned, knowing that even when something really good is happening, it has no effect on you, and not sure when or what you are meant to react, or display, ie that you are aware everyone is waiting for your response and at the end of everything, it all feels so fake and non meaning, that everyone wastes their time and effort on you, cos nothing is going to help make you feel any different as well as just not knowing how to fill this emptiness, in any way

(this is worst case scenario btw)

[Shelley]

Emptiness is like a void in my stomach, which I feel compelled to fill with benzo's and alcohol. Trying to fix it, but with the wrong kind of things. A desperate longing to feel like a whole person.

[saffron]

its a horrible feeling. I now how it is. I think that I should feel something but dont. cant work out why either. Im glad you have your hubby by your side.

Saffron

[perpetual222]

I struggle to feel emotion, like happiness or sadness (although I can feel utterly depressed). Even something like love, I KNOW I love my husband, well in my head I do, but I don't feel it in my heart.

Often I know I should be feeling something , or even that I am feeling something but I can't put my finger on it - I can't identify it in my head. A T at the TC once described it as standing at a bus stop with all the busses passing by, without stopping to let me on.

Another one of the psychotherapists who is attached to the TC but doesn't actually work in it said that this kind of detachment from emotions is quite common in people who have been ab*sed

So anyway, yeah, is this what is meant by "chronic emptiness", you know the good old BPD symptom???

Jay

Hi, my wife suffers from bpd and i have joined this site for support as she gets verbally abusive. but recently, she started yoga and began a strict diet -i believe it is for looking good for the x;mas parties, but hey! it has made quite a difference for the better.in yoga, she does a bit of meditation and i feel that has really been a key in helping her when her mind races and spirals into anxiety/depression.

hope this helps.

[perpetual222]

Hi, my wife suffers from bpd and i have joined this site for support as she gets verbally abusive. but recently, she started yoga and began a strict diet -i believe it is for looking good for the x;mas parties, but hey! it has made quite a difference for the better.in yoga, she does a bit of meditation and i feel that has really been a key in helping her when her mind races and spirals into anxiety/depression.

hope this helps.

[Bud]

My cup runneth over too fast. I think most people have a decent sized cup and a little can be added here and there but with me I don't know how to regulate the flow let alone I think my cup is the size of a thimble. On my blog I have a quote : “A borderline suffers a kind of emotional hemophilia; he lacks the clotting mechanism needed to moderate his spurts of feeling. Stimulate a passion, and the borderline emotionally bleeds to death.” It is from the book "I hate you ; please don't leave me".

[icu_baby]

A lot of people described emptiness as having a whole in your stomach....this is actually quite a common way to describe it. I really can't identify with that though, to me its more like a blackness in your heart.

For me emptiness is part of my depression. When you have no goals or ambitions, when nothing fulfills you and when you lack enjoyment out of life for the things you used to enjoy such as exercising, going to the beach, a party etc.

[wordsmithy]

I sometimes hate the fact that the BPD DSM criteria sound so vague.