Diagnosis

[psyche bunny]

Hello everyone

I dont know where this is going just yet, I am on a bad one at the mo - had major fall out with hubby- anyway I'm just wondering about diagnosis, because although I fit loads of criteria and I feel certain that I have a variety of conditions my Dr has not told me one. I have been in a group therapy now for just over a year, following 6 years one to one.

During one to one I brought up PTSD and I was displaying some of the signs in a significant way - I was abused by my dad and wld freak out if I saw someone who looked like him, I also went wierd when confronted by little girls at the age I was, who physically looked like me when the abuse was going on and had a similar reaction to teenage girls the same age and appearance as I was when I was put into care, I had nightmares and allsorts of stuff would trigger flashbacks sights, music, tastes and textures, (i know I had it), I get depressed and I have told the dr about my wanting to cut my body, esp when I am angry or sad or both and confused. I have attempted to kill myself in the past, I have had eating problems, and I would say that even now I have 'food issues'. I am also very paranoid.

I dissasasociate which can be dangerous. I dont know how to cope with ppl very well and one of my favourite fantasys is to live in a light house, this is something that I have had on the go for so long that I call it the 'lighthouse complex'.

How can I get a diagnosis considering that I am already seeing Psychotherapists who are for whatever reason reluctant to give me one?

Personally I think it is because they dont want to label me and feel that a label will give me something 'to wear' so to speak.

I am 42 and took my first OD at 14 yrs old I have been struggling with my problems now for too long, all my life. It has caused me so many problems and I am in danger of losing the only thing in my life that has been worthwhile, my marraige, anything that makes my future easier to live with and might make sense of my past is worth having.

Sorry to rant and be heavy but am at my wits end!

Thank you

Elleanor

[verbena]

Elleanor,

I am 47 and only just got a diagnosis in the last year. It was a relief to put a name onto "it", but you're right, therapists sometimes are hesitant to label us. I have heard that sometimes insurance doesn't cover you, or other healthcare providers will look at you differently and sometimes it's good that they get their own impression. I have read and heard many times that people with BPD are the therapists nightmare, their least favorite patients, etc. Whatthefuckever.

As for jeapordizing your marraige, I know exactly what you mean. My husband is confused/patient/scared/supportive. I am very lucky, but he too is glad there is a name for it, because it makes him think there are solutions.

I am curious about your dissociation experiences. In what way have they been dangerous for you? I have my own concerns about this as well.

I would not have stayed with this forum had I not received a diagnosis. I'd still be running from site to site, from therpist to therapist (you get the idea) looking for answers. This is a great site, and you'll get lots of support and information here. And it is good to keep in mind that not everyone fits all the criteria at all times.

Take Care,

Ann

[Alexa]

I know what you mean about wanting a diagnosis, but in my opinion they mean nothing. They don't change the past, they don't make you any better they're just labels and a way for people to be catagorized. I don't personally see the point in them.

[RunnyWabbit]

I think you are right on about the diagnosis of PTSD, although I am not a shrink or a therapist. I do have PTSD though and what you have described fits it.

Have you asked them outright, what is my diagnosis? That might help, if ya serious about getting one.

Wabbit

[Katherine]

what would a diagnosis give you?

it does sound as if you have traits common to ptsd.

is it that you want recognition that you have suffered traumas in your life?

I am interested in what you write because I don't have a diagnosis, my therapist has said I may be borderline, and has also spoken of post traumatic stress, both of which fit. But we don't set anything in stone. I recently saw a doctor to get antidepressants, and as that record goes, its for depression, anxiety and panic attacks.

For me the most important thing is that I have the understanding and support that I need for my difficulties and my strengths.(as a long suffering survivor)

lorna

[psyche bunny]

Thanks everyone,

I have asked about PTSD and it was undeniable that I was suffering the effect of it and it was agreed by dr, but it was agreed that I was having PTSD like symptoms you know all a bit vauge and non-commital.

I am only after knowing what is wrong with me if there is, it pisses me off to think that I might have all sorts of stuff written conditions refered to in my file and not one hint as to what is wrong with me.

It would help in some respects because if there is something wrong I can concentrate on dealing with it rather than on trying to be 'normal' when maybe this is as good as it gets (I am a lot better than I have been in the past). I think it would help my hubby to cope as well as he could then learn about 'it' and not keep having to think 'she'll be better one day, one day she'll get her head sorted' sort of thoughts, he would adjust mentally to living with someone who will not ever be normal. He has said that he would be prepared to supprort me -as he has done- but it would be easier if there was a 'plan'. My hubby has put up with me for 22 years in 2005, so I guess you could say he deserves a break!

I don't know if any of that makes sense to you, but it is the best I can do at the mo.

I have the same trouble when I am in therapy trying to communicate only then I have to share the drs with 3 other ppl. I am pissed off about my one to one ending and having to be in a group where there is little common ground. I have been in groups before but they were for survivors of abuse.

Ta again,

Elleanor

[Katherine]

I am not diagnosed with bpd or ptsd, but I read up on them, and base my learning and growth ---plan if you like, on that basis.

Your doc has said ptsd traits, so, ptsd is somthing to perhaps read up about, for you and your hubby. The Body Remembers by Babette Rothschild is a good book.

lorna

[Dianna]

Hello Bunny:

I do relate to what you are saying. I just got my official diagnosis on Tuesday. I have known for a few years that I have BPD but never knew if I had been diagnosed so. (I just turned 39 on December 4) I told my most recent therapist that I thought I had BPD and I think I have been diagnosed with it before but was never told.

I asked my therapist to tell me what he thought was wrong with me and he confirmed what I had already known. You who read this may not have liked the movie "Girl Interrupted" but for myself, when I saw that movie, I said to myself, that is me. It is a relief for me to have a label for what I have been suffering with. It is also a relief to know that I am not living in total isolation with this problem.

I just wish I could have shown my ex-husband the information about BPD before he left me. It is sad to think that had I shown him the info he may have been able to stick with me....but it's all going to work out with my life. I'm remarried and have a new baby and I take each day as it comes.

[LadyMacbeth]

It seems that many of you have self-diagnosed yourself before you were officially diagnosed by a professional much like myself. I think this is one of strengths I mean you do not see many people who diagnose themselves as bi-polar or schitzophrenic.

Last summer I just ended my therapy with my former therapist and I was actually going through an emotional breakdown. I realized something was wrong because I just felt so angry and I would lash out at my friends as a result. I was sitting in the computer lab at school and typing in words like "abandonment" "rejection" "self-harm" and I came across BPD. I started reading about it and I was astounded by the similarities between a person with BPD and myself. I kept thinking to myself "I do not have a personality disorder! My therapist would have told me about it or the psychiatrist who I had seen would have diagnosed me with it." Thinking about it I know my therapist had given me articles on people I guess who suffered from BPD but it was not mentioned in the articles. They were just about abandonment and steps to recovery. Anyway I called one of my close friends who is a manic depressant and the primary target of my anger at the time. I told her about BPD and I read to her some of the traits of the PD and asked if that sounded like me. She said yes but you should not diagnose yourself. The more I read the more connected I felt.

I never asked my former therapist or my current therapist if they thought I had it until November when I had a horrible panic attack after being rejected by this guy. My current therapist and I were having a discussion about mental disorders and I just blurted out to her "Do you think I have BPD?" I had hoped she would say no but she reponses absolutely and thats what she diagnsoed me as. I asked her why she did not tell me and she said she did not like to put labels on people. I understood her point in a way but its nice to know why I could not stabilize my emotions like everyone else. To be sure I asked my former therapist the same question and she also said displayed characteristics and should be treated as one. She also was reluctant to tell me because she does not like to label people either. After hearing it from her I knew I was right.

Well thast my story..

Maybe I should try and go back to sleep or maybe not.

Baila

[pinklady66]

Hello everyone

I dont know where this is going just yet, I am on a bad one at the mo - had major fall out with hubby- anyway I'm just wondering about diagnosis, because although I fit loads of criteria and I feel certain that I have a variety of conditions my Dr has not told me one.  I have been in a group therapy now for just over a year, following 6 years one to one.

During one to one I brought up PTSD and I was displaying some of the signs in a significant way - I was abused by my dad and wld freak out if I saw someone who looked like him, I also went wierd when confronted by little girls at the age I was, who physically looked like me when the abuse was going on and had a similar reaction to teenage girls the same age and appearance as I was when I was put into care, I had nightmares and allsorts of stuff would trigger flashbacks sights, music, tastes and textures, (i know I had it), I get depressed and I have told the dr about my wanting to cut my body, esp when I am angry or sad or both and confused.  I have attempted to kill myself in the past, I have had eating problems, and I would say that even now I have 'food issues'.  I am also very paranoid.

I dissasasociate which can be dangerous.  I dont know how to cope with ppl very well and one of my favourite fantasys is to live in a light house, this is something that I have had on the go for so long that I call it the 'lighthouse complex'.

How can I get a diagnosis considering that I am already seeing Psychotherapists who are for whatever reason reluctant to give me one? 

Personally I think it is because they dont want to label me and feel that a label will give me something 'to wear' so to speak.

I am 42 and took my first OD at 14 yrs old I have been struggling with my problems now for too long, all my life. It has caused me so many problems and I am in danger of losing the only thing in my life that has been worthwhile, my marraige, anything that makes my future easier to live with and might make sense of my past is worth having.

Sorry to rant and be heavy but am at my wits end!

Thank you

Elleanor

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hello:  I know what you are going through.  I went through a period of times when not one doctor could put a label on what was wrong with me.  With why I did all the crazy things I did.  I cut myself a few times and tried to commit suicide.  I was caught and now I'm still here.  At first I was dx as having major depression. I knew in my hearts of hearts that depression just wasn't it.  When it was told to me that it's bpd I have.  I felt at least that was the more proper dx.  I was told that I have traits of it and I fit I believe 8 out the 11.  There is also the mood swings with me.  I go through days of feeling really depressed, I mean it could last days or weeks. At those points I don't want to do nothing.  I don't care about anything or anyone.  Then there are the days when I am so happy.  When the happy phase happens, I get alot done, I'm more friendly and more talkative.  I mentioned this to my therapist.  He has seen me at my lowest points and at my highest.  He's wondering if the bpd dx is right.  Now he thinks that I'm bipolar.  I'm all screwed up and just wish that I could get a proper one so I can deal with it. :