Sleepy And Depressed

[LadyMacbeth]

I need to write because I woke up this morning after three glorious hours of sleep exhausted and feeling depressed. I am really not sure if I have a chronic depression where I am always depressed. I really did not feel that depressed on Christmas Day but I felt like spending it alone. I am guessing thats not normal. Right now I feel strange and I hate that feeling. It could also be because I have not had a sufficient amount of sleep. I must try to find something constructive to do such as working on a book, writing in my journal, reading a book, watching some TV, maybe trying to go back to sleep. Anything to keep my mind off feeling depressed that may lead me to have a drink. I do not consider myself an alcoholic but I know I have a drink to reduce anxiety or the pain I feel from rejection. I feel so guilty doing that though. I know I should write a contract with myself like my T did with me to stop doing that. I have to figure out ways to get back on track. "Oh what a tangled web we weave!"

Baila

[Lauren]

(((((bail))))

I know that lack of sleep doesnt help how we feel. Exept for sleep are you taking good care of all your other basic needs?

You need to concentrate on eating well and getting sufficent rest even if you cant sleep.

I to drink to ease my anxiety. Its a nasty cycle to get into. In the end you stop drinking to ease the anxiety and start drinking because you get anxious if you dont.

Please try not to feel guilty. You are trying the best you can. Are you on any meds for depression at all?

Be kind to you.

L

xxx

[LadyMacbeth]

Thanks Lorna,

No I am not on meds for depression. I once was prescribed Zoloft but never took it and my therapists have been pressuring me to go on medication but I am so paranoid especially looking up all the side effects to these medications. I know I can be so obsessive oin my thoughts that I will persuade myself that something is happening to me as a result from the side affects and it probably will. The thought of adverse effects like thoughts of suicide, psychosis, tremors, seizures, heart problems, increased anxiety, etc freaks me out! I have been told I am not a doctor so I should not be self-diagnosing myself. But, I wonder how psychiatrists really know what medications to put you on since with my experience she asked me questions like if I thought people in the TV were talking to me or do I feel that people walking down the street are plotting against me. I guess she is just knocking off all the mental illnesses. But she just diagnosed me with a mild depression my therapists told me about BPD. I am not suicidal and I do not think about it so I do want to start if I get an adverse effect from a drug plus the fact that withdrawl symptoms do not look that pleasant. I am such a difficult person!

I am not sure about England but in USA it does ont seem the psychiatrists get to kow you that well it seems that they only prescribe meds and then ask you how you are doing.

Today I am going to try and stay away from the alcohol and then before I go to bed I will take a Valerian pill and just try and sleep. Drinking is a nasty cycle. Over two years ago I never touched alcohol and now I drink it almost every night. In actual fact the alcohol may put me to sleep but it does not keep me from waking up three hours later and staying awake the rest of the night. It also enhances your mood. The only times I have lashed out at people I have been drinking because usually I am a calm person.

Thanks for assuring me not to feel guilty.

Baila

Be kind to you.

L

xxx

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