Sarah Posted June 25, 2004 Report Share Posted June 25, 2004 HI, I just learned that a recent ex may have BPD. It expalins alot of his erratic, unpredictable behavior just before and especially right after the break up, but I wanted to ask what people here think. It is a very complicated situation, so I ask for your understanding and patience. I would appreciate any help/advice you can give me. I recently broke up (or was broken up WITH) a much younger man. I am and was separated and we were friends for a couple of years (through school association) and after several months of pursuing me, I relented with the understanding that it was to be a temporary situation. However, he quickly broke off his engagement and moved out from a girl he had been living with for four years, an dengaged to for four months. His excuse was taht He was no longer in love and that she had "gotten fat". (?) He got very serious very quickly and asked if i was going to "be with him said forever. "etc. After about 8 mos he got very withdrawn, moody, no sex drive, said he was "tired all the time" but when I would get upset, cry he would scream at me to get the f out. WE finally broke up and he said later it was bedause he couldn't stand my constant attempts to breka up with him over age difference. BUT during time broken up, he would see me and shake my hand (what "friends did"), had a new gf in days of breakup...very muchyounger than him...wanted to se me as "friends" "at very least" etc...I practically begged him back, and eventually he came back..when I reminded him that he had said he didn't love me anymore, he said "I lied." We went together for a couple more years and he said he was happy with our situation, etc....didn't want a long term commitment, relationship didn't want to get married have kids, etc. WHen his friends stared moving in with girls, getting marrried he started acting differently again, same thing moody, withdrawn, no sex, said it was NOT us, NOT me, not my age not my situation, wehn I puhsed for anwers he finally broke up with me again and said it WAS my age, my situation, that if I was going to leave would have by now, he wanted the "option of a future" and then kissed me and said "I don't like getting broken up with"....but wanted to be "freinds at very least" at this juncture etc...AGAIN.when i went over to pick up my things he got VERY upset, said i was making a big mistake, no other women,e tc. He was also very upset when I wasn't availabel even as a friend to do "stuff." He accused me of "punishing him" began to act very bizareely, erratic, temper tantrums, then would sometimes SCREAM at me about how he was NOT going to be my bf again EVER then act like tnothing happened the next day. Very confusing. I finally left for amonth..no contact, when I came back he had "a new gf" and the whole thing strted to play out again.he did NOT want me stepin gout of the pic even though she was yelling at him everytime he saw me. He insisted he SEE me and began to call almost eeryday, but was sleeping with her and seeing her on wekeends. She was someome who represented everything he said he hated..smoker, kids, etc. I finally eneded it.couldn't stand the rules, their changeing everyday, didn't beg him back, he was starting to ask me to leave a bottle of wine at his house to drink, watchi movies there (which was always a prelude to sex before. I have had no contact for over a year. I saw him the other day and he got alongside me in his care and then looked the other way. More recently I have begun receiveing emeails/ims taht have too much coincidence to our relationship and I feel that even t hough this does't seem like something he'd do, my gut instinct tellms me it's him. Does this sound like BPD to those of you here? It was/is very confusing to me. Was he trying to force my hand about my marriage? Was it really my age? Is it him? If he is trying to contact me, what wuold be his reason at this Point? Thanks for any help/advice you can give. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flippy Posted June 25, 2004 Report Share Posted June 25, 2004 Hi Sarah Some of your ex bf's behaviour could be seen as bpd, have you looked at the main characteristics of the illness to see which ones you may think he has, it was the first thing i did when i got me dx and made things easier at first. There is a lot of information out there that might give you more of an idea. flippy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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