ragdoll Posted June 25, 2004 Report Share Posted June 25, 2004 Ok im taking a lot of risks with this one and dont know what is the best way to go about it. i know its up to me to decide what to do but i think i just need some support making this decision. Over the past year ive had two relationships. Those of you who know me well or who have read all my posts know of the mess in the last relationship, he knew about my BPD, was too young and tried to RESCUE me when he knew nothing about it. I DESTROYED THAT RELATIONSHIP because i told him about my life and bpd. My relationship before that one he only thought i had depression with self harm, with no links to BPD. i only told him recently. that broke up amicably and we are good friends with no arguments and we support each other as close friends do. no pressure, no expectations, purley friends. Now im in something you could call a friendship that has relations.... but i often spend the night and we get along fine. he doesnt know about my BPD just that i can be a bit quick with smartass combacks sometimes,but usually ill let his slide by me. ive become very submissive and let him have his way and do all the talking. i dont talk much when around him. i feel comfortable with him, it just feels good to finally not have to break the silence for once with someone and do all the communicating. but what im worried about is the BPD shit. I havent told him. ive known him since Januaruy 04, been getting intimate now for around 1 month bit longer maybe. im scared to tell him about the BPD he will understand but i dont think he will stick around. i know all that stuff about if he loves me he will, but for god sakes really things have just started and i dont want to lose this guy. he is stable. i need a stability. even if it is just a casualy thing. i dont, do you, does anyone have any thoughts?? :wacko: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flippy Posted June 25, 2004 Report Share Posted June 25, 2004 Perhaps writing a list of the pros and cons of telling him may help you to decide what you want to do. It isnt an easy decision to make and i sympathise, whaterver you decide to do i hope it goes ok for you. love flippy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dita Posted July 18, 2004 Report Share Posted July 18, 2004 Hi I am afraid I can not offer any advice on this one as I mess up every relationship I have ever had. However in the last month I have found myself in the same situation... having just met someone that I really liked and facing the "should I say, shouldn't I say" question. I firmly believe that in a relationship honesty is the most important thing... how can trust ever be built if there is no honesty? I took the chance and told the guy I had met and unfortunately he instantly dropped me. It just goes to show how much mental illness still has a stigma attached to it. So I am at the usual all time low now... however I still believe that the honesty thing is important and I would tell a partner again but not so soon when I have just met them ( it scares them away ). This is only my personal experience and it is for you to judge your man and the situation. I do hope everything works out and you find love Dita xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairytales817 Posted July 18, 2004 Report Share Posted July 18, 2004 This sounds like a not bad relationship at all... You know you'll eventually have to tell him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buoyantcat Posted July 19, 2004 Report Share Posted July 19, 2004 I think that you should probably tell him. You don't have to go right out and say it. First, just see if he's comfortable with talking about the subject of mental health, depression, etc. I've been surprised before. There's this guy that I started talking about that kind of stuff with, and I was surprised to find out that he knew a lot about it because his mom was abusive, and his sister had been depressed and self harmed. I was surprised when he said this. He was actually pretty comfortable with talking about that stuff. Like I said, you don't have to just blurt it out. Just kind of ease into the subject. I don't think a person has to know about someone's mental health problems in the early stages of any relationship. It seems like that subject would eventually just come up naturally, and if it is going to be serious, it would probably be good for him to know. It shouldn't be something that you feel pressured to talking about though. Just take it easy, and take care of yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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