Which Bpd "symptom" Troubles You Most?

[Effervescence]

I guess we all know the list of symptoms for BPD. In case anyone's unsure of the criteria, I'll list them briefly (according to the DSM):

(1) Fear of abandonment

(2) Unstable and intense interpersonal relationships

(3) Identity disturbance--very unstable self-image or sense of self

(4) Impulsive behaviors (such as excessive spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)

(5) Suicidal gestures, threats, self-injuring (i.e. cutting, etc.)

(6) Emotional instability (mood swings)

(7) Chronic feelings of emptiness

(8) Anger and rage attacks

(9) Transient, stress-related paranoid thinking or severe dissociative symptoms (sometimes referred to as "brief psychotic" episodes)

Note: To be diagnosed as "borderline", you need only meet 5 out of the 9 criteria listed above. Of course if you're especially unlucky you might meet all 9!!!

Anyway, different people have different "clusters" of symptoms.

So I started wondering which particular "symptom"--out of the 9 listed above--causes you the most trouble?

And please feel free to elaborate!

Okay...I'll go first.

In the past, my worst problem definitely was the rage thing (#8 on the list.) I would go into incredible fits of rage that could go on for hours. *blush*

Thankfully, that problem is much, much improved.

But now? Absolutely my biggest current problem is impulsiveness (criterion # 4). I am off-the-charts impulsive--I think of something, I do it. I want something, I go for it. Especially when it comes to spending money--OMG!!!

So, which particular symptom is the most maddening for you???

[Faerielight]

fear of abandonmennt and mood swings and disassociation are my top 3 worst. hugs ivy xx

[synthe]

#3, the identity issues is the worst for me. It seems to be the leading cause to all my other symptoms. Example: I'll feel terrible about myself, therefore I'll get mad. Or I'll feel abandoned, etc. But that's the one that starts it all <_<

[sofaraway]

good question,

I think for me it's

(7) Chronic feelings of emptiness

Just that general feeling that things aren't ok, that I'm somehow broken or damaged.

however well i'm doing on the other traits, like self harm, impulsive behaviours, being in a steady stable relationship, i still can't get rid of the feeling of emptiness- and that it all doesn't really matter

[rebeccaborderline]

These two for me are the ones that cause most disruption to my life, pretty equally:

(5) Suicidal gestures, threats, self-injuring (i.e. cutting, etc.)

(6) Emotional instability (mood swings)

After that, Identity Disturbance

rebeccaborderline

[Doug]

Paranoia and mood swings, mostly, the others less so.

Doug

[Sphacelate]

(1) Fear of abandonment

definitely the tops. it has absolutely caused all of my problems with relationships with everyone I know.

[Marchmadness]

I would have to say abandonment,emptiness, mood swings (up and downs drive me even more crazy),

relationships, anger (rage), Suicidal thoughts (gestures), impulsive, self image (is a big one) oh yes,

lets not forget about the stress related problems. But other than that it doesn't really seem to get in the

way or bother me much.

Marchmadness

[AndyD78]

For me definitely the fear of abandonment plus the feeling of emptiness. Both are my worst. I guess, well it's certain all of them do tie into each other and it takes one to start off a chain reaction. For me it's them.

And after at times I tend to just switch off. distance myself. It's weird. Too weird to describe but it all happens. And I hate it when it does because I'm scared of how other people would react to me in regards to it.

[clbn]

For me, its identity issues & the emptiness that trouble me most.

I can kind of keep the other stuff in check most of the time but everything seems so pointless without the other two...

xCx

[nobody]

(6) Emotional instability (mood swings)

(7) Chronic feelings of emptiness

Not knowing how i'm going to feel or react to anything each day....it's hard when you don't know

[suspectzero]

Anger and rage attacks

[divinegrl]

Mine would be all of the above:

(1) Fear of abandonment

(2) Unstable and intense interpersonal relationships

(3) Identity disturbance--very unstable self-image or sense of self

(4) Impulsive behaviors (such as excessive spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)

(5) Suicidal gestures, threats, self-injuring (i.e. cutting, etc.)

(6) Emotional instability (mood swings)

(7) Chronic feelings of emptiness

(8) Anger and rage attacks

(9) Transient, stress-related paranoid thinking or severe dissociative symptoms (sometimes referred to as "brief psychotic" episodes)

Can you create a poll for this because I can't figure out how to do it??????

[divinegrl]

Can you create a poll for this because I can't figure out how to do it??????

[InnerPeace]

Mood swings do are the worst for me. I hate how I can feel down or elated when there's been no change in my environment. Also the sudden stress and irritability that will come over me when there's no real reason to feel stressed.

[rebeccaborderline]

Not knowing how i'm going to feel or react to anything each day....it's hard when you don't know

Yes, thats the hardest part for me Nobody too; kinda constantly having to reinvent myself every day because my feelings and reactions veer so wildly depending on the swing of the mood. Trying to gauge others "normal" reactions to get mine to fit in, so I dont overreact/underreact, or just react weirdly.

On the plus side, means Ive learned to pick up moods/atmospheres v quickly to adapt, although it hurts

rebeccaborderline

[poodle]

right now it's abandonment, but it has changed over time

[xavier_r]

For me

(3) Identity disturbance--very unstable self-image or sense of self

[nobodyzdream]

I'm goin with emptiness on this one. Half the time when I lash out it feels a thousand times worse because I don't even have an emotional tie to anything going on at the time it happens. I feel like a balloon when the air has been let out, flying all over, but NEVER landing because I have nothing to fall back on. Emptiness makes me who I am half the time, and I think if I could at least get the tiniest grasp on emotions to things, people, places, I would feel a lot more at ease with things-even flying off the handle from time to time, I'd be able to look at it 5 minutes later and say "I love you" to someone, and genuinely feeling it and apologizing, rather than saying I'm sorry simply because I know I was wrong or it was wrong. Sorry this is so long, but I guess where I'm getting is I think if I had the normal emotional ties, I wouldn't find myself questioning anything I said when I lashed out-I would know that it's just because I'm angry, rather than feeling empty and thinking to myself after it's done and resolved "was I right? do they not care?" or "why bother trying to save the relationship (even friendships)" because the bond isn't all there anyway.

[pault]

uhmm seems i fit all those categories though i dont feel abandoned now as im just out of hospital after a crazy hyper incident with me seemingly playing chicken with a car and most of my family came to see me, i was overwhelmed as i thought they didnt want to know me silly me huh,maybe they just want to keep me at a safe distance lol,but the thing that affects me most is i keep getting charged with breach of the peace as sometimes when im well enough to get out of bed then i go drinking with friends and if im hyper my behaviour disturbs the local plod,what saddens me is that ive just been diagnosed rapid cycling bpd my child psychologist said it ws ok i just had a high iq and would grow out of my badness lol,got suspended then excluded from school for fighting my gp put it down to behavioural problems heck when i told my grandma the other day about my diagnosis she sarcastically said "so thats your excuse for being a bad boy as a child",my psychiatrist is hopeless and shut my case saying he cant help me if im drinking while taking my meds,he was no help anyway,im hoping and reckon this will be more beneficial,when i drink i can do some crazy things putting my and others lifes at risk which isnt good cos i wouldnt want my behaviour to damage anyone else but it seems like a catch 22 cos when im way up there i feel i need a drink to bring me back down,does anyone agree?spending money lol,ive given away a lot of money,phones literally anything that costs a few quid to replace when im in these zones,i keep telling myself material things dont matter but i think theres another reason lol,still not to worry cos we soldier on dont we thats what we do,nothing else for it and practice makes perfect so a lot of us should be experts at soldiering on by now lol.

[DJGreedyG]

1) Feeling of loneliness, isolation (even when I'm around people sometimes I feel ignored)

2) Impulsiveness - I spend every available penny on rare music and sometimes have neglected to pay my mobile bill or the rent cos there was a rare tune on EBay for 50 quid that I just HAD to own. It just seems to be music this happens with, do any of you find that you're impulsive in just one area but not others?

3) Anger. I'm actually winning the battle with "temper tantrums" as those who don't understand them call them, but I still get into lots of silly arguments with idiots on internet forums. Not this one thankfully!

4) Lack of concentration. I'd love to do a college course again but these days I have the attention span of a gnat and this severely hampers my ability to learn new things.

G

[ravenna]

umm.. right now id say its the anger and rage attacks..causes a bit of problem between me and my boyfriend at times..

And in close second is the fear of abandoment and mood swings...which are increasing daily seeming as im pregnant...so yeah its going to be a fun summer..lol

[emma1977]

(1) Fear of abandonment

(2) Unstable and intense interpersonal relationships

(3) Identity disturbance--very unstable self-image or sense of self

(4) Impulsive behaviors (such as excessive spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)

(5) Suicidal gestures, threats, self-injuring (i.e. cutting, etc.)

(6) Emotional instability (mood swings)

(7) Chronic feelings of emptiness

(8) Anger and rage attacks

(9) Transient, stress-related paranoid thinking or severe dissociative symptoms (sometimes referred to as "brief psychotic" episodes)

Emptiness definitely. Can't describe it. I said on another post. This hole that burns inside of you. Suicidal stuff doesn't bother me because it is what I do to fill the hole. Being an alcoholic and behaving impulsively likewise...except that then I am likely to do and say stupid things then I get really paranoid. I get emotionally dependent on people and am absollutely terrified of being rejected and abandoned. I cannot control or understand my feelings -they just get magnified out of control. The only borderline thing I don't do is feel anger. I feel fear not anger.

I want the emptiness to go away...it sucks all the life and goodness out of me. And the fear. It cripples me.

[Guest wife]

The symptom that bothers me most changes from month to month, week to week and day to day

the one that overrides nearly all the time is fear of abandonment (in fact I was talking about that in the TC today) - I hear my husband say that he loves me and that he promises he will never leave me but I can't help but feel that there will be a day where he just breaks and can't cope with me anymore

the thing that is the biggest problem right now though is rage. I can be feeling great and then someone/thing triggers me and I just blow my top. Shout, scream and swear at the top of my voice, normally at Sandy but I think that is kind of coz I feel safest with him. The trigger for me the last few days has been my house, I will have been feeling fine when out and then as soon as I get home I just snap. BANG and I blow, it's not pretty and it leaves me feeling absolutely awfull

Jay

[shadok]

I would say that chronic feeling of emptiness/loneliness is what makes me suffer most, and it's the symptom that tends to be predominant currently. But fear of abandonment tends to wreck the few personal relationships I manage to establish, so I'd consider it's the most hampering, and occasional paranoid ideations freak me out because I've always been afraid of developping a full-blown psychosis.

Else... this list sort of made me feel good; some years ago I was presenting all of the nine symptoms; now I'm having perhaps six or seven at most and among these several have gotten much less intense with the years. I'm still pretty much fucked up but less than I used to be.:P