Which Bpd "symptom" Troubles You Most?

[leogrrl74]

(1) Fear of abandonment-feel this ALL The time

(2) Unstable and intense interpersonal relationships--definatly!

(3) Identity disturbance--very unstable self-image or sense of self

(4) Impulsive behaviors (such as excessive spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)--story of my life

(5) Suicidal gestures, threats, self-injuring (i.e. cutting, etc.)-cutting yes

(6) Emotional instability (mood swings)--definatly me!

(7) Chronic feelings of emptiness--definatly me also!

(8) Anger and rage attacks--I have that all the time

(9) Transient, stress-related paranoid thinking or severe dissociative symptoms (sometimes referred to as "brief psychotic" episodes)-yes I have that too!

So looks like just about all I have trouble with.

[Rook98]

If I was forced to pick only 3...

(2) Unstable and intense interpersonal relationships

(3) Identity disturbance--very unstable self-image or sense of self

(8) Anger and rage attacks

All the others come in a close 2nd.

[rented_angel]

I think for me the most frustrating is the feeling of nothing all the time. chronic feelings of emptiness. I also struggle constantly with impulsiveness. A quick little example is in the past week I've woken up at least 5 days with a hangover only to smoke a bowl in the morning to help it...and also started sleeping with a friend of mine, it happened completely randomly...and I haven't even decided if it's a good idea or a horrible idea yet. I've been not drinking for the past couple of nights, but the empty feeling gets incredibly overwhelming....I realize that I'm feeling nothing and it frustrates me, because I get sober for the first time in a week or so my brain feels like it's working so much harder then it should and my thoughts just race from one topic to another, which leads to anxiety, and a want for intoxication, and typically to cutting...frustrating cycle.

elizabeth

[flightlessdove]

the ones that bother me the most are

(1) Fear of abandonment

(2) Unstable and intense interpersonal relationships

(3) Identity disturbance--very unstable self-image or sense of self

(4) Impulsive behaviors (such as excessive spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)

(5) Suicidal gestures, threats, self-injuring (i.e. cutting, etc.)

(6) Emotional instability (mood swings)

(7) Chronic feelings of emptiness

(8) Anger and rage attacks

(9) Transient, stress-related paranoid thinking or severe dissociative symptoms (sometimes referred to as "brief psychotic" episodes)

Karina

[mimelio]

#6 Emotional instability (mood swings) seem to be my most troubling

then #8 Anger and rage attacks although mild work on mood swings in fact even a cup of coffee make something tolerable intolerable. Oh well I am glad that mine are not that bad.

(5) Suicidal gestures, threats, self-injuring somewhat but NEVER including cutting.

[KavanIce]

They all bother me but I think the worse is not so much the 'symptoms' but what these symptoms disallow in my life: Sustainable friendships, feeling the fullness of life, unable to reach potentials others seem to recognize but I cannot utilize. Not being able to be self-sufficient. A lasting love relationship, children.

[bish31]

I guess we all know the list of symptoms for BPD. In case anyone's unsure of the criteria, I'll list them briefly (according to the DSM):

(1) Fear of abandonment

(2) Unstable and intense interpersonal relationships

(3) Identity disturbance--very unstable self-image or sense of self

(4) Impulsive behaviors (such as excessive spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)

(5) Suicidal gestures, threats, self-injuring (i.e. cutting, etc.)

(6) Emotional instability (mood swings)

(7) Chronic feelings of emptiness

(8) Anger and rage attacks

(9) Transient, stress-related paranoid thinking or severe dissociative symptoms (sometimes referred to as "brief psychotic" episodes)

Note: To be diagnosed as "borderline", you need only meet 5 out of the 9 criteria listed above. Of course if you're especially unlucky you might meet all 9!!!

Anyway, different people have different "clusters" of symptoms.

So I started wondering which particular "symptom"--out of the 9 listed above--causes you the most trouble?

And please feel free to elaborate!

For me its the changes in my mood, somedays I wake up feeling crap and in a terrible mood this goes alongside the feeling of emptiness and unstable self image. I hate the way I look, I feel I'm too fat etc etc. I look at other people outside people I perceive as normal and happy and looking good and think to myself 'thats how I want to be'. I can be quite optimistic at times and strive to take action and do something about the way I feel, othertimes my mood takes over and I feel so bad about myself i dip into a depression. The anger and rage attacks are a big problem in my relationship with my husband, and comes from the threat of abandonment. Like Wife explained, that is how I experience this symptom.

Okay...I'll go first.

In the past, my worst problem definitely was the rage thing (#8 on the list.) I would go into incredible fits of rage that could go on for hours. *blush*

Thankfully, that problem is much, much improved.

But now? Absolutely my biggest current problem is impulsiveness (criterion # 4). I am off-the-charts impulsive--I think of something, I do it. I want something, I go for it. Especially when it comes to spending money--OMG!!!

So, which particular symptom is the most maddening for you???

[Warrior Princess]

I've stuck em in order of how much they effect me.

(5) Suicidal gestures, threats, self-injuring (i.e. cutting, etc.)

This by far causes me the most problems because this is what usually puts me in the psyche ward or emergency room and I often act on it. I also feel guilty that I feel that way and worried that people won't believe that my feelings are real. I fear that I will suceed one day and it would break my daughters heart. I fear that if I tell people that I'm feeling that way they will think I'm just saying it "for attention"

(3) Identity disturbance--very unstable self-image or sense of self

(9) Transient, stress-related paranoid thinking or severe dissociative symptoms (sometimes referred to as "brief psychotic" episodes)

I'll group these together because for me they are the same thing. I switch personalities, I often hate the person that I am and am often confused about who the person i was created to be really is. I often ask "which of my presonalities am I really?" and the pat answer I'm usually given is "All of them". I often wonder if I integrated into one personality would people like the 'real me" and would it change the person that I am now? I have a lot of questions about who I am because I'm not really sure who i am except that Im a child of God no matter how many personalities I have (current count is 45). Ok so the more I talk about this the more confusing it gets because even though I know who I am... I really am not sure at all.

(6) Emotional instability (mood swings)

(8) Anger and rage attacks

I'll also group these two together because anger is one of my mood swings. When i was a child I use to break things, including glass windows and put my foot through walls. thankfully I do not do that now but I do throw the occasional coffee cup across the room. I am thankful that I have never hurt anyone else I just break things. I have other ways to cope with anger (I have personalities that supress it) but it still comes out sometimes and I usually dislike myself for it. Then I shift into self hatred and depression. A recent health care professional told me that he appreciated my self control. He was talking to a totally different personality at the time.

The worst mood swing I have is depression and intense sadness. I struggle with that more than with the anger because it causes me to feel suicidal and want to self harm. I hate that one minute I can feel that way and the next minute I can feel fine because then no body takes me seriously and they usually say things like "stop feeling sorry for yourself" or "you're on a pity party" or "you're doing it for attention" I'm really not... I just can't seem to control the sorrow, no matter how brief or extended it may be. when they say things like that I swing into intense anger then hate myself for being angry and get depressed again. All this cycles me back to symptom number (5) Suicidal gestures, threats, self-injuring (i.e. cutting, etc.)

(1) Fear of abandonment

I still do struggle with this occasionally and I feel abandoned by friends, people, health care professionals etc. I know its irrational because most of the time they have NOT abandoned me but the thought that they have seems to trigger me into other symptoms such as rage, depression, suicidal thoughts, self harm etc. I think the trigger is rejection in childhood which I have a LOT of. Once again it cycles me back to symptom (5) Suicidal gestures, threats, self-injuring (i.e. cutting, etc.)

(7) Chronic feelings of emptiness

I use to have this a lot, not so much any more but on rare occasions I do still feel empty but once again, it comes with the other symptoms... mood swings. Im not really empty. I just sometimes feel that way.

(4) Impulsive behaviors (such as excessive spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)

I sometimes still do the excessive spending! but I have over come the substance abuse. I never binge eat but sometimes do under eat. Usually that's associated with a fear of getting fat.

(2) Unstable and intense interpersonal relationships

yeah ... sometimes. They get unstable because of the other symptoms and people getting sick of my symptoms. People seem to like me when they first meet me but once they get to really know me and my symptoms come out, they back away from me. this cycles me back to symptom number (1) Fear of abandonment

I go in circles a lot!

As Mufasa would say. "We are all connected in the great circle of life"

Thanks for starting this discussion. It really has made me think about myself and explore what's going inside.

PW

[owl]

at the moment it's abandonment. which links in with developing a sense of identity when i am alone...

but i absolutely HATE the transient psychosis stuff! and i totally hate PTSD SYMPTOMS!!! coz they make me feel that I am unwell.

so, 1 and 9

[tchockycat]

I'd say the lack of sense of self causes most of my problems, because all 8 other factors will play off of that.

At work, I'll be unsure of how to act in any given situation, so I'll be upset at myself for not knowing how to be.

At home, I'll be happy one minute and then I'll take something said the wrong way and fly completely off the handle, ruining my whole night.

In social situations, I just never know what to do because I feel that everyone is looking at me strangely because I haven't thought of anything to say.

It also bothers me when people ask me open-ended questions like "what do you like to do?" because it always causes me to draw a blank. I'll stand there thinking, "What DO I like to do? I don't even know..."

But then the fits of rage definitely bother me a lot, because I think they cause the most damage to my relationships, and it sends me into despair, thinking of how I've ruined everything yet again, and soon I'll be completely alone because everyone that used to care for me got tired of being verbally and physically attacked for no reason.

Agh, how strange life is.

[Warrior Princess]

Just bumping this thread to the top for Rachel_31_uk.

[rose27]

i am currently undiagnosed, and althoguh i accept that i need a proffessional diagnosis, all of this symptoms are extreme for me and i am looking forward to learning ways of coping, and especially learning how to control my fits of anger.i find it hard to see a arning for them.

[rose27]

warning not arning

[Arron]

Not happy spent the last 10 mins writting a reply for this and the pc went funny!!!!

Can't be aresed to do it again.

(1) Fear of abandonment

(2) Unstable and intense interpersonal relationships

(3) Identity disturbance--very unstable self-image or sense of self

(4) Impulsive behaviors (such as excessive spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)

(5) Suicidal gestures, threats, self-injuring (i.e. cutting, etc.)

(6) Emotional instability (mood swings)

(7) Chronic feelings of emptiness

(8) Anger and rage attacks

(9) Transient, stress-related paranoid thinking or severe dissociative symptoms (sometimes referred to as "brief psychotic" episodes)

2,4,6 and 7

Thats the short version!

Arron

[Lifetrap Queen]

Abandonment - Numero uno

Identity - 2

Impulsive - 3

I guess they do change over time

[dpb]

Think I may be borderline borderline

Number ONE is the killer for me. It makes you act in strange ways with people.

[sunshine_bear]

hmmm I guess for me number one is the fear of abandonment. It scares me to death.

And the over one is anger and rage cos of the job I do I have to hold this all in soemtimes and its awful, cos it usual means that i then explode at someone I live with and they walk off and then I feel abandoned. Its a viscous cycle.

[phinnaeusgage]

I am going to say paranoia is my worst, and volatile interpersonal relationships and frantic efforts to avoid abandonment (Real or imagined) are a close second.

[Remy]

From a non-BP, BP partner's, perspective, my biggest problem 'from the outside' is

(6) Emotional instability (mood swings)

but many of the other's can and would cause huge problems when they occur but are not as frequent. This is likely to change over time I suspect.. but I think it's partly because the other's are easier to identify when they happen, and that BPD is the cause, rather than something else. That said, it's probably (8) that got me needing to know a lot more about BPD (and consequently register on this board!).

From talking to my partner though, her biggest problem for herself is

(3) Identity disturbance--very unstable self-image or sense of self

I'm not sure it's the most 'maddening' - but it is the scariest she tells me, and probably quite a 'root cause' thing as other's have mentioned.

I guess we all know the list of symptoms for BPD. In case anyone's unsure of the criteria, I'll list them briefly (according to the DSM):

(1) Fear of abandonment

(2) Unstable and intense interpersonal relationships

(3) Identity disturbance--very unstable self-image or sense of self

(4) Impulsive behaviors (such as excessive spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)

(5) Suicidal gestures, threats, self-injuring (i.e. cutting, etc.)

(6) Emotional instability (mood swings)

(7) Chronic feelings of emptiness

(8) Anger and rage attacks

(9) Transient, stress-related paranoid thinking or severe dissociative symptoms (sometimes referred to as "brief psychotic" episodes)