fairytales817 Posted June 25, 2004 Report Share Posted June 25, 2004 I was recently diagnosed with bpd, and without support from my mother I am trying to get help. I am young, only 15 years old, and helping myself is very difficult. I believe, with everything I know about my condition, that my mother may also have bpd or a similar disorder. She would never admit anything is wrong with her, but she's so fussy about me and my disorder. She refuses to allow me to get help for it, saying that everything is in my head and that I should learn to deal with myself. Perhaps I could do this, though it would be difficult, I know, but anything that will help me is worth it. I just need to know how to take care of myself. Knowing that I am alone dealing with this makes me feel incredibly lonely, which doesn't help the situation. I told my mother I need help and she agreed, but for some reason she won't get it for me. This is adding stress to me, along with a lot of issues in the family at this time (mostly caused by me) and that makes me feel worse and worse. I just wish someone could help me. What should I do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LanieD116 Posted June 26, 2004 Report Share Posted June 26, 2004 ((((( Anna ))))) Honey, this breaks my heart... and truly, I have no answers. I check into this forum to learn more about BPD for my husband and to learn what his needs may be. Are you in school (other than the summer)???? Is there a counselor or teacher at school you can talk to and confide in that can help you find counseling for BPD? I would think keeping a diary would help, but like I said, I'm new to this and don't know what you are going thru. Stay close to this forum and see if there are suggestions. Everyone seems so very helpful. Have you researched this BPD? I've just finished a book that helped me a great deal, but it's for the person who needs to understand what the person with BPD is suffering from... so it may not be what you need. I'll pray for you - for intervention - for counseling and that God put you where you need to be to get the help you desire. Good for you for seeking it!!! You are already steps again of the game! *hugs* Lanie <>< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairytales817 Posted June 26, 2004 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2004 Thank you so much! You have made me feel so much better. It makes me cry just knowing that someone cares. I'm not used to people really caring. It's hard to talk to a counselor or someone at school, because they are more for school related things like class selection and college application. Unfortunatly that won't help much. I have done a lot of research on BPD and printed it all out for my dad who may help me. He just seems awfully disintrested, agreeing with my mother that everything is in my head. Since I can't get help or medicine I'm working on re-training my mind to think differntly. A good friend of mine is a recovering BPD and has had a lot of professional help. He believes he can help me with my recovery. I'm working on it, but it's so difficult I am not progressing very well. Lately I have always been in trouble with my mother. She really just doesn't understand. She acctually portrays a good many symptoms as well, but more on the anger side than I am. She gets mad about everything. For now I am stuck in the house grounded because of her failure to understand. I wish there was more I could do to help her help me and to help myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LanieD116 Posted June 26, 2004 Report Share Posted June 26, 2004 Anna - I'm so happy to hear that you have a recovering friend - how incredible for you! He will be able to share what he/she has learned and he/she will understand your struggles. As far as not knowing what to do... I have an answer for you - PRAY!!! And if you don't know what to pray for, tell God that. YOU ARE HIS PRECIOUS DAUGHTER!!! You are an heir to the KING!!! Yes, medication and counseling will help you - but so will prayer - and thru prayer and faith in prayer, God will guide you exactly where you need to go for help and He will put people in your path and you will be amazed. i will pray specifically for you sweetie. Look, He led you here to US!!!! He can and will do so much more for you - just pray and believe. Look at the friend He put in your life.... that friend has suffered and God has turned his suffering into something good - he's being able to help you thru this ... I have such faith in you Anna - I'll be back later - gotta run get my little girl. *hugs* Lanie <>< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairytales817 Posted June 26, 2004 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2004 Thank you so much. You have really inspired me and made me feel a ton better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairytales817 Posted June 26, 2004 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2004 I don't know what it was, but something overcame me. I just... suddenly everything my friend had been telling me that I was saying I couldn't do, that I couldn't think that way... suddenly it all makes sense. I know I'm going to be ok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LanieD116 Posted June 26, 2004 Report Share Posted June 26, 2004 (((( Anna))))) YES !!!!!! That is peace - I'm praying that you stay in that peace and have faith - and faith is easy when you are having good days - the real test comes when your having a bad day. Like, it's easy for me to have faith that God will provide for my family when we are ok financially - but when we are down to $15 in the bank and 5 days till payday???? that's when your faith is tested!!! I'm so proud of you!!!! ~ Alana Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairytales817 Posted June 26, 2004 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2004 Faith is not being tested at this moment, but I go up and down so much its hard to tell. Hopefully I will be ok for a while; I need to rest after all this trauma the last few days have caused, but I do thank God for the last few days. Because of them I was led here to people who can relate. I need that. It is so imperative to know that I am not alone, I am not the only one feeling this. Even though it sounds self-centered to say that I have felt like the only one going through this, it's the truth, a truth I had no control over. Knowing I am not alone is one of the most important comforts in the world. For now I am not so lonely, nor so afraid. These are the moments that I need: moments of tranquility. BPD is constant tormoil; your brain does not rest. For the past weeks I have not been able to sleep and have fluctuated from not being able to eat at all to eating constantly. I have started cutting myself again, and started feeling sick all the time. The stress was tearing me apart and I found myself crying for no apparent reason. The only thing I could feel was pain for the past weeks. This is a relief... such a relief. I can breathe again. I just pray I can keep this peace at least for a while and know in the future that it is abtainable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LanieD116 Posted June 26, 2004 Report Share Posted June 26, 2004 Anna, I'm headed to bed honey - it's almost 11 pm here - I'll be away from my PC tomorrow night visiting my precious grandmother who does not even own a microwave much less a computer ... LOL - and my laptop modem is not working for some reason - I'll try to sign on before leaving tomorrow - but if I can't - I'll be back on monday =0) have a wonderful weekend and I just pray that you stay in that peaceful place you've found.... Love!!! Lanie <>< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairytales817 Posted June 26, 2004 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2004 Well I know this isn't going to last forever, but I've begun the fight. I'll be able to finish it once I begin it. It's not going to be easy. I know it won't. But I think I can do it. No... no, I *know* I can do it. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairytales817 Posted June 26, 2004 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2004 thanks so much for your support Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshua Posted June 26, 2004 Report Share Posted June 26, 2004 Thats what were here for mate, smile always Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairytales817 Posted June 26, 2004 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2004 Thanks tons Josh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Song Posted July 13, 2004 Report Share Posted July 13, 2004 Hi there, I also feel for you so much, becuase like you, I have had bpd diagnosed inme last year, but my mother also displays it (all my life) and it seems to run in my family, my gran and aunt had it. I am 32, married and with 2 kids. I get on horribly with my mother, and nothing seems to work. Like yours, she could never admit there is a thing wrong with her, in fact she is telling people all about my diagnosis while bragging about her sanity! It is so frustrating. I am reading a book called Stop Wlaking On Eggshells, I am reading so I can figure out how to handle her, even though I also have BPD. There is a real reason why she doesn't want you to get help for yourself, and I want you to be ready for this: She doesn't want you to get help because she is afraid it will reflect badly upon her. It is fear that is her motivating force, she is afraid of what this means for her and her alone, that is why she is trying to sabotage your efforts. Chances are if she has BPD, that she views you as an extension of herself, and that she is terrified of giving you credit for even having your own identity. She is afraid that if they diagnose you as defective, that "they" will diagnose her as defective, and since she already believes that about herself, it will be like pouring salt in a wound that will cause more pain for HER. With BPD, it is ALWAYS about you, but you are in an important position where you have acknowledged it and you are taking the first step for help. DO NOT let her or anyone else stop you from loving yourself, accepting yourself, or helping yourself. You are going to have to learn how to give yourself the things you need that she or others cannot give you. Do you have faith in Jesus? I am a christian, so I believe only He has paid the price for my sins and imperfections. This is a comfort for me to believe in His love, although at times I can cave into the anger and resentment my disorder brings. If you can, find a youth pastor from a charismatic and spirit filled church that has a strong youth group. You will find people there who can listen to you, love you, encourage you, and give you answers about yourself that you have never heard or known before. You will be valued, find a pastor or someone who has had experience with psychological issues, connect yourself to the fun and awesome things these groups can bring, you will find new purpose and you will find yourself. I hope this helps, I still feel like I am treated like a child by my mother, , it makes me so upset. It's like she is punishing me for all her hurts, and for what my much older cousins put their mother through when they were young! I feel like a 12 yr old when I am around her! Don't giove up, some of the best advice I got was from a minister who told me not to give in to the manipulations of others. You will soon be free someday, and I pray you will be free to LOVE your mom without any of the guilt, or strings attached that she is trying to force on you. God can free you, if you put Him on the throne of your heart, and NOt your disease, or your mother, or anyone else who is trying to use or abuse you. God Bless, you have 15 years ahead of me to start healing in your life! I wish I knew what you knew when I was that age! you have a purpose!!! Amen! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
budgie Posted July 13, 2004 Report Share Posted July 13, 2004 I am still also here for u (((((((((((((((((((ANNA))))))))))))))))))))))) :wub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairytales817 Posted July 13, 2004 Author Report Share Posted July 13, 2004 That you two so much. Song, you have helped me so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toadstool Posted July 16, 2004 Report Share Posted July 16, 2004 I remember being 13 and telling my mother there was something wrong with me . She insisted I was perfectly "normal". As soon as I left home I lost it but also finally got help. I'm sorry this is so hard for you. Keep looking for help. Can your doctor direct you to an adolescent counselling service? Btw if ever anyone said to me "it's all in your head' I'd reply "That's the problem!" How dumb a statement is that anyway? I feel for you and can only try to lend you hope from my own experience that it does get better. And I send you a big hug and love Toadstool xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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