Song Posted June 26, 2004 Report Share Posted June 26, 2004 I read alot, and I am currently reading two books on BPD , one called I hate You , Don't Leave Me and The Borderline Mother. After these I am starting one called You can't Say That To Me! Stopping the Pain of Verbal Abuse. I have read alot about BPD on the Net, but these books have completely described my life and what has been wrong all these years. Each book has its own method of handling BpD and I am trying to make these methods "gel" into something tangible I can start using. I am so grateful to have read these books. I don't have enough$$ to go into private therapy, and not sure if I would be recommended to a psychologist by my doctor. Noone seems to know anything about BPD where I am anyway, so I am relying on the advice in these books to help me out, and faith in my God. Is there any other books that you guys would recommend I should read re BPD? I am keeping an eye out for some of the newer ones on Amazon, but there are so many to choose from, and there are the ones with BPD related issues such as abuse, narcisism etc.., I just want the most clear and straightforward ones to concentrate on. Right now, as part of an exercise, i am forcing myself to find the grey area in EVERY situation and opinion I am involved in. It is VERY difficult ~ for example, I have a tendancy to get frustrated with some neighbors of ours who are very active christians and who go to my church,but who will never get in touch or visit with us just to be social, BUT they will go out of their way to attend conferences and visit friends who live overseas as part of there christian development. I found myself calling them "un christian" and realised FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE that noooo, there is no way I can deny their commitment to Christ, that wasn't true, BUT instead I reevaluated it and decided they were just being "un neighbourly". This example was important for me, because I have lived a life of evaluating things and judging people in exptremes. Things people take for granted and lightheartedly, sink in extremely and incredibly deep for me. Another thing the books made me realise was that small talk and superficial socialization are next to impossible for me. I have stopped going to my church for this reason, although I am committed to the belief sysptem and my faith. It is just that it is a very social place, but I don't see the point in trying to chit chat, because it is a GREY AREA that makes me very insecure and nervous. People see that in me, and as a result I get kept at arms length, and that only reinforces my insecurity even more. This is probably why my neighbors keep their distance. I can't in other words have a conversation with someone without getting "deep" or intense about something. The rest just bores me silly, you stuff about weather, jobs, etc.. , but these books are showing me ways to overcome this, so that is awesome. But I just need to muster up the courage to start trying again. Anyway, here I am rambling, lol, I can talk forever on these forums, sorry everyone! 1EYE.GIF whistle haha, Take care! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dayterror Posted June 28, 2004 Report Share Posted June 28, 2004 Hi Song! I think I mentioned this in another of your posts. I'm currently reading "New Hope for People With Borderline Personality Disorder" by Neil R Bockain. I'm only about halfway thru it, but so far it is my favorite BPD book. Though I also have to admit that my memory isn't all that great so I can't remember much from the other books. A couple things I like about it... copyright 2002. So at least it's pretty current. The doctor talks about people with BPD seeing signicant results in about two years. To me that is really encouraging, because the other stuff I've read says that if BPD's are curable at all, it takes at least 10 years. He also says that a BPD is considered recovered when they no longer 5 of the DSM-IV criteria. To me that is a little less encouraging. Say you started out with 6 criteria and now you're down to 4. Now you're recovered, but aren't you still suffering with those 4 criteria? Oh, I guess that doesn't mean you have to stop treatment though... I dunno. And he details how a BPD's brain physically functions. I find that fascinating. Anyway, sorry to ramble on. Just wanted to share. I'm pretty enthusiastic about this book, and hoping I'll get some good stuff out of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
budgie Posted June 28, 2004 Report Share Posted June 28, 2004 Song. I wonder if you are the same Song fr the SAnc. Anyway, it doesnt matter. I am a Christian, from my teens. I felt Him cloest when I was at my lowest. I felt him sharing my pain, tears, darkness. I dont attend services now. Since my mum passesd away 2 years ago, it has been painful. But basically, I can give a thousand reasons and I know, none will stand. It is between He and Me. I have issues with Him. Him being God. I love Jesus. I dont really know the Ghost. I know they are the Trinity. But this is my way of seeing them atm, for years in fact. This has to do with my experience. My dad, had abused me, I cannot related to any Fatherly figure. Yet. Between me and Jesus, it is always heart to heart. With regard to the rest of the world, neighbours, Christians, or non-Christians, I only know, Jesus says to love each other, cheats and all. I am no angel. I do what I can. They can judge me if they want, but I will not throw the first stone. Be what they want. Jesus took me for what I am. Remember: Christians are not perfect, just forgiven. Its like giving and not expecting anything in return. That is love. I care for all of you here, whether you care for me or not, it doesnt matter. Religion doesnt come in, although Jesus IS my lifeline. I still have my BPD and I deal with it daily, a long hard walk it is. I wish all of you well. Budgie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LanieD116 Posted June 28, 2004 Report Share Posted June 28, 2004 Budgie - I have heard what you said from other women in my circle of friends - about not being able to have a father/dtr. relationship with God b/c of their earthly father's abuse or lack of relationship. I cannot imagine how hard that must be. I had a very healthy relationship with both of my fathers - biological and step-father and maybe b/c of that blessing, have always felt so close to God. I find it fascinating that you are able to separate the Trinity and find a relationship with Jesus - that is a survival trait and I'm so proud of you for not giving up on a relationship with your Maker.... I'd love to tell you what I've been taught about the Holy Ghost since you said you didn't know much about Him.... When God sent Jesus to live with us and teach us - it was of course for our benefit - to spare us eternal death b/c none of us were deserving of eternal life. When Jesus died for our sins and joined God in Heaven, He left the Holy Ghost to live within us here on earth. To pray on our behalf when we didn't know how to pray for ourselves. To be our 'inner voice' when we need direction and caution. Some even pray in prayer tongues that sound like no language we've ever heard and say it's the Holy Ghost praying on our behalf - directly to our Father for us. The Holy Ghost is always with you - always For you. Lanie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LanieD116 Posted June 28, 2004 Report Share Posted June 28, 2004 Song, Thank you for explaining the 'gray area' better for me. I've noticed so much of that with my husband. Social events - including church are the same for him - even full of panic attacks at times. Going to our small group meetings with a small group of church friends is not comfortable for him - the anxiety before hand is what is worse... however, once we arrive and they (the men and women form two different groups of discussion) begin their discussions, he shines and is so helpful to the other men not as far along in their walks as he is. Maybe it's the depth you spoke of. Thanks for helping me understand him more. You have all been such a help for me. Lanie <>< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LanieD116 Posted June 28, 2004 Report Share Posted June 28, 2004 Hey guys, For anyone looking for more literature on BPD - I just reviewed the link at the top of the site that says BPD RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE... there is a book offer on there and other literature. Lanie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Song Posted June 28, 2004 Author Report Share Posted June 28, 2004 Hi guys, thanx for your responses! wow, I am so glad to meet other christians here! I don't know that forum you had mentioned, I hang out at Faith and fellowship forums at Evangelise America. When I got born again 3 years ago, I met Jesus for the first time ever as my savior, and also had an encounter with the Holy Spirit I have never had. One night while praying, I "heard" Him praying with me, in another language, it was amazing, sounds crazy, but earlier that night I had invoked His presnece and had asked Him to specifically pray for me about something. Later on, God manifested what was being prayed for, so AMEN! Anyway, I realise my BPD is really just a thorn in my side, not the force that rules me anymore. I kicked my BPD off of the throne in my heart, because at one time I was completely consumed and controlled by it, and I instead put Jesus there. My BPD is still a struggle everyday, it is the button satan likes and knows how to push. But according to His Word, the Holy Spirit gives me a sound mind and the self control to deal with it. I love what you said about chrisians not being perfect, we are just forgiven. that is so true, many times I have been tempted to renounce my christianity because I have felt that I have failed as a Christian since I am not raising the dead exactly or walking on water like other people in my church seem to be able to do. Thank you for the words of encouragement. It is a big journey this life, I just hope I end up at the right place in the end! Blessings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LanieD116 Posted June 29, 2004 Report Share Posted June 29, 2004 Song, You have given me the inspiration that I needed today - I have to remember to keep my focus on HIM.... thank you, Lanie<>< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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