maria Posted January 12, 2005 Report Share Posted January 12, 2005 Hi all Over the last week or so I have made the decision that I from now on can just starve. I dont know how or when exactly I came to that decision but it makes sence to me. I am not deserving of food. If my own m***** hated me enough to abuse me for years and now someone feels I am deserving of more abuse well I must just face it I deserve to starve. The 2 people involved her then him now were people I trusted and allowed myself to love yet they have hurt me more than anyone will ever know. I feel dead inside all the time now. All the abuse is taking over my every moment awake or sleeping (if i do sleep) I dont know if this is anything anyone else has experienced but now i feel so ill. I was put on diazepam only this week but it has not helped at all. I am glad i have lost weight one and a half stone in a week but no matter what i do i will always be an unloveable person. I know I am very depressed but dont know what to do about it i dont know what to do anymore. I dont have the strength latley to make any decisions.I feel so weak and just shake or cry all the time. If i do doze off i come to in a state of horror recalling the various abuse and the fear takes over my mind completley.I mostly feel very scared. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted January 12, 2005 Report Share Posted January 12, 2005 Maria, You are not alone we are with you. You aren't thinking right. Starving yourself will only make matters worse. Have you started to see a therapist yet? Just because one reminded you of you abuser doesnt meant the next one has to. Please seek help. If you are in enough trouble call emergency services before you do something to yourself. YOu are not worthless and not deserving of starving. Sometimes people that have been abused pick mates that abusive (subconsiously). I don't know if you did this but I know you deserve to give yourself and your children a chance.... seek therapy. bets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted January 12, 2005 Report Share Posted January 12, 2005 Hi Maria, YOU DESERVE FOOD. It was not your fault that you were abused. I wish I knew how to help you more but you don't deserve to hurt yourself or punish yourself for something that was not your fault. You must eat honey please don't hurt yourself anymore. I am sure you are a lovable person but you are feeling down at the moment. Are you seeing a therapist? Are you on any medication? If you are not seeing a therapist please go because you can talk out your feelings and work on overcoming your pain. It takes awhile but NOTHING is worth hurting yourself over something that was not your fault. I know I do not exactly understand what you have been through but maybe there are some support groups out there that can help. I am really not sure what to say that will make you feel better but I am here if you need to talk. Please be safe. Try take your mind off of it I knw its hard but maybe going out and doing something fun with friends or watching a funny movie. Anything that will make you feel better. Love, LM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginny Posted January 12, 2005 Report Share Posted January 12, 2005 Maria - slowly killing yourself will NOT help anybody. YOU or your loved ones. You are thinking black and white - look at the grey areas of consequence..... Ginny ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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