Trace Posted January 17, 2005 Report Share Posted January 17, 2005 First off my head is telling me that I am trying to be intimate with this site way to quick..its telling me how needy I am to have to post so much in so short a time..its telling me that everyone here already doesn't want to know me...then I see the child I was and can feel the hate and destest her just like I know everyone else see's her...but I am using all my might to understand that this thinking is in my HEAD and to learn to own such thoughts..owning is new to me...anyway back to the original reason for posting...I had seen a therapist last yr for 6 months..she was working on the person centred approach..very nice lady..infact so nice I could practice my trying to take her hostage thinking on her..and I am so good at it now..I believe it worked....I decided that I was relying on her to much and ended it..but then my rage was getting out of control and another therapist was suggested to me...a therapist that deals in adult adoptee attachment issues...yes I got that label too She works phychodynamically have been seeing her 5 months now...but I just dont feel connected to her...she mentioned about transference..but to be honest I dont have any feelings towards her accept I fantise she may fall in love with me ..maybe I should tell her that?? its way imbarrassing though....I get times when I own my own feelings and thinking now...I feel a lot calmer on the inside a lot now too....but I see have this dark cloud of impending doom that follows me....one day everything makes sense and I feel I have the answer at last..then the next I feel like jumping out of a windown ..am I on the right road ??? or is this just it??? for ever and ever?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostsoul Posted January 17, 2005 Report Share Posted January 17, 2005 only you know if you have made progress, if thats what you mean to ask by being or not being on the right road - i think of it as a road to recovery??? if so, well, it is a long road, and, you are doing the right thing by owning your thoughts and working with a therapist to resolve each issue. therapist transference i have no idea about cos i never had it, but given you are able to recognise that certain thoughts are just in your head and not actually thought by others, i would say that i suspect you know that your therapist will not fall in love with you, even if they wanted to, because it is so unprofessional. I would say that to protect yourself from getting hurt there, you should own these thought too, and it is really up to you if you tell your therapist or not. If you can deal with it on your own, ie own it on your own, and its too embarassing to tell them, then i guess don't, but if you think you can't resolve it on your own, then do tell them, even if its embarassing, because it may hinder the therapeutic process, and its more important to get better than to avoid embarassment!!! good luck. things do change; it will not be like this forever and ever. hugs lost xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted January 17, 2005 Report Share Posted January 17, 2005 I am glad you were honest with us! Everyone here does want to know you. Also we are all going through similar problems as eachother and so we support eachother. I have only been here snce November and I have posted a lot! I have a lot to say! Post away because no one will reject you here. Also remember we may dislike ourselves inside but not everyone else around us feels the same about us. I am also glad that you are aware these thoughts are in your head becausein reality they are. Transference is pretty common I heard. My best friend fell in love with his therapist and is dead set on the idea that she is in love with him to. I asked my therapist about it and she told me that its very common and many of her patients have fallen in love with her. I am sure I would fall in love with mine if it was aman because they understand us and make us feel safe and comfortable with them. So I heard its very normal. Take care! LM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trace Posted January 17, 2005 Author Report Share Posted January 17, 2005 Thank you both for your replys..its nice not being alone :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paddypotty Posted January 17, 2005 Report Share Posted January 17, 2005 YesTraceI feel the same,how much do I type without sounding so needy,I bet everybody knows Im a boring needy self absorbed cow etc etc,there are moments when I realise this is just me over reacting yet again,think I could get a masters in over reaction. Anyway Ill just finish by saying you are not alone . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trace Posted January 18, 2005 Author Report Share Posted January 18, 2005 YesTraceI feel the same,how much do I type without sounding so needy,I bet everybody knows Im a boring needy self absorbed cow etc etc,there are moments when I realise this is just me over reacting yet again,think I could get a masters in over reaction. Anyway Ill just finish by saying you are not alone . <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Thank you at least I know there are 2 of us needy cows I saw my therapist yesterday and told her I want to quit..I find that I help myself more by reading books on self help then I have got with her..I dont think she agrees with me..but at times I feel I have to go and put my show on the road so to speak...she said to see her to easter at least..I agreed on that..but how long do we keep seeing therapists???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted January 18, 2005 Report Share Posted January 18, 2005 You are not alone. None of us are alone anymore. XX Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kazzapants Posted January 18, 2005 Report Share Posted January 18, 2005 Crikey - you should see my first couple of posts - epic!!! not alone Trace - I've fallen in love with every female therrapist i've ever had!!....I due to start group sometime this year so maybe that will help with the problem? Either that or I will fall for anyone in the group who smiles kindly at me~!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted January 18, 2005 Report Share Posted January 18, 2005 I asked a male therapist with whom I'd done very poorly whether he thought I'd have done better with a female therapist, and he said "No, Ann. You'd have fallen in love with her then hated her, then hit her up side the head with details." Never did figure out what the hell that last part meant, but I believe he is right. I'd have ended up hating her because that's where I was at before the meds. I don't know why the obsession with them, can't explain it to myself, nor do I know what to do about it once it happens. It is the worst thing for me. XX Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paddypotty Posted January 18, 2005 Report Share Posted January 18, 2005 Only had limited therapy yonks ago and boy did I over react,have been trying to arrange some therapy today but bad weather here means psychiatrist didnt even get to town to run clinic,to be honest Im relieved I want therapy I would like to figure out why I am as I am(although I think I secretly already know and just dont want to face it),I would like to move on and if not be happy just be easy in my bones.The needy thing in me,the thing that seems like a cancer also prevents me from starting therapy Im afraid of not being able to let go so I back off into my corner. I think however that you should stick out the therapy,give it time and hey you never know! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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