Greetings Mentalists

[Dan:(]

I suffer mainly from a constant feeling of discomfort/agitation but at the same time complete lack of energy, unable to enjoy anything(actually worse than that-most things are a pain), nihilistic thinking(though I have become consciously more rational=optimistic in my worldview I struggle against some deep rooted self-denying thing)

I relate certain parts of bpd criteria-feeling angry most of the time and empty,also unstable self image, but not acting out-impulsiveness-suicidal threats etc-I think I'm actually too conscientious(common term throughout my school reports)

I just feel a mostly physical sensation as if being mentally tortured so that I kill myself-not being able to stand the feeling of being alive: unable to be stimulated by anything but not able to do nothing/relax-a complete nightmare

I was admitted to south london psychiatric hospital adolescent unit at 17 and moved on after 6 months to a therapeutic community(for personality disorders) in south west london. I was there for about 9 months-I went in there with fairly high mood but left in a completely paranoid state-I felt at the time this was a place that bullied anything unconventional out of people like Stalin sending believers in capitalism to psychiatric hospitals to be re-educated. I saw very few people benefiting-most were disruptive-one young woman killed herself. However I have gained some insight from reading summaries of my therapy in my psych notes- like I have learned a lot from my own research into depression and bpd-but this is negated by feeling angry at their inability/reluctance to share their knowledge with me-as if if asked why they failed me they could point to how they deconstructed my psyche, citing academic references-but they didn't seem to want to share this as if they didn't want me to feel better or saw me purely as a case they could add to academic research.

Since then I get the feeling mental health services have seen me as someone who is untreatable

[Barebones]

welcome

[InnerPeace]

Hi Dan, welcome to the site, I hope you find the support you're looking for here.

I can relate to that feeling of not being able to relax, wanting to do something but not being able to and not finding anything that holds my interest enough, it's horrible.

[rebeccaborderline]

Hi Dan, and welcome

I just feel a mostly physical sensation as if being mentally tortured so that I kill myself-not being able to stand the feeling of being alive:

I have really related to this in the past

rebeccaborderline

[Vorpalblade]

oo Ziggy will love your post

[Lily-Bee]

Welcome.

Lilly

[Ziggy_Encaoua]

I was admitted to south london psychiatric hospital adolescent unit at 17 and moved on after 6 months to a therapeutic community(for personality disorders) in south west london. I was there for about 9 months-I went in there with fairly high mood but left in a completely paranoid state-I felt at the time this was a place that bullied anything unconventional out of people like Stalin sending believers in capitalism to psychiatric hospitals to be re-educated.

You got the gist therapeutic communities very well

Though around here you'll find most have been brainwashed into thinking otherwise

[Dan:(]

oo Ziggy will love your post

Why is that? Is he some famed anti-establishment agitator?

I actually have already checked his profile-whilst browsing the forums for the first time I noticed "schizophrenics should take responsibility" thread-quite radical-I don't think I agree on that even though I dislike liberal views on crime and punishment.

I think there is much truth in (leftist) criticism of psychiatry and the (U.K.) mental health system though I understand part of my antipathy was due to my own issues e.g. lack of respect/ trust of father=demonisation of (largely male) authority? (Lacan: the-name-of-the-father?)

[Dan:(]

I was admitted to south london psychiatric hospital adolescent unit at 17 and moved on after 6 months to a therapeutic community(for personality disorders) in south west london. I was there for about 9 months-I went in there with fairly high mood but left in a completely paranoid state-I felt at the time this was a place that bullied anything unconventional out of people like Stalin sending believers in capitalism to psychiatric hospitals to be re-educated.

You got the gist therapeutic communities very well

Though around here you'll find most have been brainwashed into thinking otherwise

I don't seriously believe anymore that therapeutic communities are set up to brainwash you-in fact I like the idea of damaged people living together and supporting each other-but the emphasis, in my experience, seemed like ruthlessly exposing flaws in personality rather than empathising...

[zarah]

hail fellow mentalist well met.....

[InnerPeace]

oo Ziggy will love your post

Why is that? Is he some famed anti-establishment agitator?

I actually have already checked his profile-whilst browsing the forums for the first time I noticed "schizophrenics should take responsibility" thread-quite radical-I don't think I agree on that even though I dislike liberal views on crime and punishment.

I think there is much truth in (leftist) criticism of psychiatry and the (U.K.) mental health system though I understand part of my antipathy was due to my own issues e.g. lack of respect/ trust of father=demonisation of (largely male) authority? (Lacan: the-name-of-the-father?)

Ahhh, now there you go, taking responsibility for one's own feelings...that will set you apart.

Besides, I don't think he will "love" the post because apparently love doesn't exist (subject of a thankfully long dead post).

There are many of us here...all characters.

[zarah]

pmsl @innerpeace

however she is VERY accurate there....

[Dan:(]

Ahhh, now there you go, taking responsibility for one's own feelings...that will set you apart.

Sorry, can I confirm that was not meant sarcastically?

I can't remember the last time someone praised me. I even had a feeling my introduction post would be blanked or criticised

[Ziggy_Encaoua]

I like the idea of damaged people living together and supporting each other-but the emphasis, in my experience, seemed like ruthlessly exposing flaws in personality rather than empathising...

You like the idea of mentally ill people living with each other with the idea of helping one another yet from your experience it doesn't work.

Yeah well its great having idealism but unfortunetly its the practical which counts

Ghettos are a bad idea a mentally ill ghetto would be hell, it just wouldn't work because everybody would suck one another dry due to their own desperation.

Self reliance is a far better thing its far more practical.

[zarah]

Self reliance is a far better thing its far more practical.

sadly human beings are not designed to live in isolation....

which means we have to learn how to rely on others

and learn when to accept help and when not....

[Ziggy_Encaoua]

we have to learn how to rely on others

No we must teach self reliance as generally especially if you're mentally ill dependecy will turn people against you

[InnerPeace]

Ahhh, now there you go, taking responsibility for one's own feelings...that will set you apart.

Sorry, can I confirm that was not meant sarcastically?

I can't remember the last time someone praised me. I even had a feeling my introduction post would be blanked or criticised

It's ok, I wasn't being sarcastic, it is a definite positive to be able to take responsibility for our feelings, it's hard to do and not everyone is willing.

[Ziggy_Encaoua]

Besides, I don't think he will "love" the post because apparently love doesn't exist (subject of a thankfully long dead post).

Well if you tried lovng me then hey I might be wrong

[InnerPeace]

Besides, I don't think he will "love" the post because apparently love doesn't exist (subject of a thankfully long dead post).

Well if you tried lovng me then hey I might be wrong

I don't think my loving you would prove to you that love exists...you would still perceive things as you wished to. You would know that love existed if you felt it within yourself. If you felt it within yourself you'd then be open to the idea that others can feel it too and being open to love you would draw others to you who were also ope to love. The world is our mirror.

Sorry Dan, this is your thread and we're going all over the place!

[Steph]

Hey there Dan, welcome to the boards Just out of interest, are you under any psychiatric care now, or are you going it alone

Steph

[Dan:(]

Hey there Dan, welcome to the boards Just out of interest, are you under any psychiatric care now, or are you going it alone

Steph

I am still under the care of the local 'recovery and rehabilitation' team.

Since I left the therapeutic community in 1999 my care has been haphazard with regular changes in psychiatrist and care co-ordinator (the piss artist formerly known as care manager and social worker). Also there has been a lack of decent hand over/feedback between the various people involved in my 'care' so much of the same procedures have been repeated.

Since leaving the TC in 99 I have been placed in an assement unit where they monitor your living skills, then a care home type place, then a B&B.

Then a 'high support residential service' which was full of men that had come straight from secure units and prison( I have no history of violence)-a number were under home office sections including one man(who was actually the nicest guy there and clearly had been very ill) who had made the news for running in to a church naked brandishing a sword.

I left after having my nose broken over a trivial matter by a guy who had agressively threatened me in front of staff-he was told to go to his room then came back down 5 minutes later, approached me and punched me in the face as I was sitting in the living room with 1 other resident(whose witnessing was dismissed by the police because he was mentally ill). He threatend to hurt/kill me in front of staff if I pressed charges but no action was taken against him though he showed no remorse and I was expected to carry on living with him.

Now I am in supported housing waiting for my 1st therapy since 99 (an earlier referral was 'mislaid'). Also coming off fluoxetine to try something else- maybe an antipsychotic-which I'm not sure about.

[Dan:(]

Is there a (time) limit for editing your posts?

[InnerPeace]

I don't know Dan. Although the police wouldn't do anything about the man that hit you, the place you were staying at is obliged to ensure that you are safe at all times and some sort of claim could be made against them for allowing that to happen.