"but Thats Not Typical Bpd Behaviour"

[amazinggrace31]

Recently whilst having a conversation about mental illness with a close friend I disclosed that I was diagnosed Borderline a couple of years ago. We didnt really go into detail but he obviously went away and did some research (I thought this was quite sweet cos he's actually made a big effort to understand) because the next time we had a chat he said to me that he could see some BPD in me but that I had no fear of abandonment/made efforts to avoid this. He from his research had found that this was a typical symptom.

I was amazed by this as i see myself as excessivly needy and I think my boyfriend would agree to some extent, however my friends reasoning for this is that I do not act like a jealous girlfriend in fact my boyfriend gets away with making comments about hot girls or whatever more than other men in couples we know. However i think this is DUE TO my neediness, i know that if I made a fuss everytime my boyf commented that one of the Hollyoaks girls was fit then I'd be dumped pretty soon so I pretend that I don't care, of course I do care and secretly hate all of the Hollyoaks cast

Im confused by this because part of me thinks that maybe f i really did have issues I wouldnt be able to pretend this easily.

[Lily-Bee]

You know because you have been diagnosed with BPD doesnt have to mean you have all the symptoms. To have BPD you have to have 5 out of 9 symptoms of which fear of real or imagined abandonment is one.

Maybe that one doesnt apply to you.

Another explantion could be that you do have fear of abandonment but just not that bad, that is is not a symptom for you that causes you the most problems. There are degrees in everything maybe this one is not such issue for you.

Or it is but you just deal with it differently as in not by acting jealous. I have abandonment issue´s severely so but I am not very jealous, so you can have these issue´s without being jealous.

What the answer is here that applies to you I think you will know best yourself.

Lilly

[cheesewright]

I definitely have abandonment issues, but they are expressed in different ways than someone else with abandonment issues might express hers. Like Lilly said, it's a matter of degree. I would also add that these issues come out in different ways. A friend might not see these issues for you merely because he or she doesn't trigger them to the extent that you express them. Whew--what a mouthful! I simply mean to say that you're probably not acting that way around him, so he's drawing the conclusion--wrongly--that you don't have them.

Anyway, he was a sweetheart for doing some research on his own. Shows he cares and it's nice to have friends. I have eventually alienated everyone I've come in contact with, so no friends. Keep this one if you can!

[Faerielight]

sounds like your bf is really insensitive saying comments about girls on tv being hot.. all my exes used to do that and itplugged into my insecurities .. i never pulled them up on it for fear of being dumped.. it's only now i'm with a man who would never say stuff like that cos he nows itwould hurt me.

yeah sounds like your friend is doingwell trying to understand bpd, but i'm sure u know yourself better than anyone alse with regards to your issues, hugs ivy x

[lavoisier]

Maybe you do have abandonment issues, but you feel more of a threat of being abandoned if you were to step in and stop these comments about 'hot girls'. I know I have put up with all sorts just because jealousy was easier to put up with than abandoment.

I strongly believe that we put things in order of importance to ourselves. We will allow certain things to happen, (such as jealousy) if it prevents one of 'more importance' further up on or list from happening(abandonment)

Take care

Paul

Hope it makes some sense

[Warrior Princess]

Yeah, what Lilly said. 5 out of 9.

Besides, fear of abandonment can show itself in other ways. I mean the very fact that you hide your jealousy even when you may feel it is a sign of that. Not that I want to throw another symptom at you, but to me, you hide it because you are afraid that if you did show jealousy or didn't give your boyfriend the freedom to make those kind of comments you would lose him.... he would abandone you.

Not everyone has to be a jealous raging bitch to have fear of abandonment. I am not like that either but I still fear Troy will leave me, or my doctor will leave me, or my counsellor will get sick of me, or my friends will walk away. Troy really gives me no reason to feel jealous and on the rare times that he has, I haven't felt it. But I know I get really paranoid when I'm very symptomatic and he isn't coping. I fear he will get sick of my BPD and just divorce me.

Anyway, it doesn't really matter if you don't show that one symptom. Actually it doesn't matter if you dont show any of them! you are still you and the diagnosis and it's symptoms shouldn't define who you are. You are defined by what's inside not what some doctor lists in some book.

Paine.

[amazinggrace31]

Thanks for all the responses, a lot of food for thought there. I think like paine warrior said its important not to define myself by a label and keep second guessing it.