kazzapants Posted January 18, 2005 Report Share Posted January 18, 2005 Hi all, I'm another newly diagnosed BP. Well, I say newly diagnosed, it is more that I am newly aware of my diagnosis. Going through the usual things - self harm, rage, rage rage, some more rage, suicide attempts, arrested last year outside my mental health unit for possessing a knife in a public place - I'd gone in voluntarily because I was on a crazy one and asked them not to send me home. So they sent me home - I didn't remember until afterwards but on the way out I trashed the waiting room - so they called the police, who turned up to find me sitting outside in a corner, bothering no one and about to slash my ankles. I hate my shrink for sending me home, and I hate the police for arresting me - I was not a very well behaved prisoner and attempted no end of ludicrous "breakouts" during my over night stay. I now have a criminal record - which would have been avoided had my mental health team pointed out what to do in a crisis situation. Oh well. It could be worse, I could have just voluntarily taken a £400 a month pay cut because of my inability to handle the constant interaction with other people and processes and procedures that weren't perfect. Oh silly me I already did that. What's next? Fortunately I have avoided a real suicide attempt for the last 3 years through structured and organised self harming - sometimes I struggle to remember why it is we are discouraged from self harm. I think my own personal battle with suicide has been allied by my deep seated belief that there is no life after death, that there will be no relief from the pain. There will be nothing. Nothing at all - so what is the point? My shrink says I'm also saved by the fact that my moods swing very very quickly - so by the time I've got the knife to my wrists I'm fine and quite fancy going go karting please. I also have a theory that poor administration is the route of all evil - has any one else noticed that the things in the "real world" that drive you into a rage are usually traceable to an administrative cock up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted January 18, 2005 Report Share Posted January 18, 2005 Kazz, Welcome to the site. Sounds as though you've had an interesting time so far...I think you'll find lots of support and information if you look around here. XX Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tory Posted January 18, 2005 Report Share Posted January 18, 2005 Hi, Welcome to the site. I hope u like it here. The people are great and very supportive! Take care Tory Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted January 18, 2005 Report Share Posted January 18, 2005 welcome kazz... like your name. you have some interesting thoughts on life it will be good to read your posts. bets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracey Posted January 18, 2005 Report Share Posted January 18, 2005 hi kazz hope you find all the support and help you need here Traceyxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostsoul Posted January 18, 2005 Report Share Posted January 18, 2005 hiya kazza good to see you hear. you sound interesting. look forward to getting to know you better. lost xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jo Posted January 18, 2005 Report Share Posted January 18, 2005 Hi kazza! welcome to the site, glad you found us, love your name as well see you around, tc jo xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darkangelwitch666 Posted January 18, 2005 Report Share Posted January 18, 2005 Welcome kazza :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted January 18, 2005 Report Share Posted January 18, 2005 Hi Kazza, welcome to BPDWORLD! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginny Posted January 18, 2005 Report Share Posted January 18, 2005 :welcomeani: Kazza... You sound VERY interesting... cool!!! Glad you found us. Have fun and enjoy posting. You'll meet some good people here. Love Ginny :sm.jpg: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bpmonki Posted January 18, 2005 Report Share Posted January 18, 2005 hello and :welcomeani: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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