Who Are We Outside Of Bpd?

[tinker]

I am, quite simply, me. BPD is a part of me, but it is not ME. It does not define me, it does not make me 100% who I am, it just contributes to a long list of what makes me me.

[KavanIce]

Innerpeace: Who is the author of Setting Your Heart On Fire? I have heard of reiki but had to google NLP and metamorphic technique,. I know there was once a reiki practitioner in Phnom Penh but don't know if the other two exist there (I'll be in NY until the end of Aug). I have been living in Phnom Penh, Cambodia for the past 4 years and there is very little in the way of Mental health available in the country. I have a psychiatrist in Bangkok, Thailand which is an hour away by flight. He is there if I reach a critical point, but as you could well imagine its still quite difficult to have a serious relationship with a psych being in another country. Still if I needed in-patient care or a prescription, he is the one I would have to see. Bangkok is pretty progressive these days and I can always check with the Bumrungrad hospital to see if there are any of these other treatments are available. Have you tried these techniques? How did they work for you?

On a different note, often I read about the difficulties so many have finding adequate treatment or resources in the West but at least it exists. Can you imagine how the mentally ill are treated in developing countries? After a major suicide attempt I was sent to Bangkok to a mental hospital. Its was ghastly! Besides the fact they were hostile, their treatment seemed to be medicate with no therapy. Medicate without intake. Medicate without telling the patient what they were being given. Then there was the language barrier. There was no recreation for the patients only a television. My books and clothes were taken and I wasn't allowed to call ANYONE including the British embassy. If there is a stigma towards the borderline in the West there is a stigma and taboo against ALL mentally ill patients in these countries.

One reason why I have felt so comfortable in Cambodia is that they have had such a difficult history. I jokingly call it BPD nation because the WHO has noted that 70% of the nation sufferes from PTSD. Even the expat community is full of odd-balls but at least I have a semblence of a community which is something I never had living isolated in my mother's basement in NY. The people there know I suffer from bpd and have given me full acceptance and support. I also see myself in the local Khmer population who are the most sensitive and erratic of people. They have so many issues they don't even bat an eye at my own nuttiness. They affectionately refer to me as 'Sray Skout' which means 'Madam crazy'. Its been the first time in my life I felt a member of a community and fully accepted but unfortunately there is little to no mh resources available, which is why this site is so useful and important.

Teaspoon: I haven't really read any self-help books so I don't know how affective they are. Usually I read literature but books are useful conduits of information, so perhaps a self-help book could be useful if the techniques are practical, and one has the stamina to utilize them. I did checked the Wei Wu Wei site. He's an interesting man. I have read a few things in the past about Tao (remember 'The Tao of Pooh' illustrating the enlightenment of Winnie the Pooh?). Its an interesting philosophy in that the short verses can put the mind at rest, it also takes the pressure off of 'trying' and 'achievement' something very challenging for the Western mind-set. I have read about Marsha Linehan's DBT (more than anything I would have loved to have had that treatment) and 'mindfulness' but it does seem tricky. I mean it seems as if the mind is ever aware of itself, so how can one make it more aware or alter its own conditioning? Or maybe I don't fully understand the concept of 'mindfulness'. And what about the feelings? Yes I agree they can be irrational but I am not always sure what I am feeling. Sometimes I have actually gone through an experience feeling nothing, only to have them surface a few days later full-throttle, and its only then do I know how I had felt. Sometimes they never surface at all, or they surface for no particular reason and then I don't know why I am feeling whatever I am feeling. Have you done 'mindfulness' work before? How exactly does it work? Is it like meditation?

Tinker: I agree with you. I feel the same except it seems as if BPD is the structure or the 'mold' holding the rest of 'me' either by defining or restriction or confinement. I don't know if that made any sense. Its like I'm this fluid non-definite thing and its been poured into a cement mold which is bpd.

[InnerPeace]

Kavanice - I think I mentioned the book with the author's name in my profile, have a look as I can't remember it off the top of my head. Specifically it was Timeline, which is a therapy within NLP, that really helped me not to go over the edge, I know someone in the UK who has successfully practiced this over the telephone....it works on the subconscious. Reiki is an energy healing, Universal Life Force is channelled to you and changes your energy, we store negative energy and that's what makes us ill....read up about the chakras and the aura if you like to gain more understand about how that works. We also have something called cellular memory, our cells record and store negative emotions. Metamorphic technique is a way of releasing our life force through gently touching on the spinal reflexes in the hands, feet and scalp.

You'll probably find more on the web about how they work than I can decribe here but they do work, although how much will depend on us as individuals, it's about self-healing and our subconscious dictates how much we heal and how quickly. I have found them hugely beneficial though. Reiki can be done from a distance too and I know someone in Florida who is an exceptional energy healer, energy has no bounds so it's possible to connect on that level from any distance.

I think the best thing is to read up on what is available and see which you feel drawn to. I can let you have contact details if you like.

[teaspoons]

KavanIce: The "mindfulness" stuff is new to me. But i think it's about becoming aware of your emotions but using your rational mind & your emotional mind to make wise decisions. I don't know. My filing cabinet of concepts seems to have fallen over. :\

Time Line therapy sounds interesting. I think I might look into that.

[KavanIce]

Yes please InnerPeace, when you have a moment please pm the contact details. I appreciate your suggestions.

[Amanda28]

KavanIce I really think you should check out dbt, it helps one find part of who they are, before I started dbt I would have agreed with you, except now I know who I am and who I want to become, Buddha said it best life is ever changing and when one continues to change they are healthy, it was close to that, I can't remember word for word, meaning that when one stops changing one is ill, I believe this whole heartedly as I found this to be true. the moment I started to change consistently and keep wanting to better myself is when I started to become healthy, dbt is part of this because you use different techniques and different ways to better oneself, I've also heard you may be this one day and you may be that another, which is true, I'm not always going to be a customer rep, but i will always be me. it also helps just being me, when I become what others or society wants I get into trouble. I am me and the fact may be I just exist but for me this is enough. I don't need or want to fit into someone else's views. It sounds like you disagree with spirituality but in fact many heal and eventually no longer fit the criteria for bpd by becoming spiritual, I'm not saying becoming a part of religion but finding your spiritual side. anyways I hope some of this helps if not I tried.

[KavanIce]

Thanks Amanda. Yea I discovered DBT a few years ago over the internet. I read some of Linehan's research and thought to myself, this woman has really nailed it! But I am not in a position to choose it. I am not financially self-sufficient and after years of going-no-where therapy and psych unit stays my mother has decided she will not pay for 'that stuff' anymore. She's frustrated and has suffered alongside me on this issue so I can't really blame her. I have since left the States so I don't have access to DBT. I have a psychiatrist in case something goes terribly wrong and that's about it. There closest DBT center in this part of the world is in India. I was born in England but left when I was seven and don't know anyone there. Even if I chose to move there I would still have to seek funding from my mother and she is little more than resistant. She sees this as a waste of money. We were told very early on that there was no treatment for bpd and at the time there really wasn't.

I'm not a buddhist by the way but I do agree that if one doesn't change they remain ill. Actually I think it was as a teenager I realized something was wrong precisely because there seemed to be no change as the depression became worse and the visits to the psych unit etc. People need to realize not everyone has access to mental health care and treatments like DBT can be expensive, and living at home with my mother has become a destructive option neither of us wants. As for the 'spiritual' its almost too abstract. I mean I don't know what people are referring to exactly when they use the term. I know the definition is 'things pertaining to the spirit', but what is spirit/soul? The animating force behind things? Energy? I have a mind, a body this I know. I am not saying there is no such thing as spirit. I am simply saying I don't know what we are referring to. If its an experience then it must be an experience we share with every blade of grass, as even they are also alive. To say we all have spirit doesn't say much as we all have cells and all things are made of atoms but we have no experience of it as such.

[Amanda28]

Thanks Amanda. Yea I discovered DBT a few years ago over the internet. I read some of Linehan's research and thought to myself, this woman has really nailed it! But I am not in a position to choose it. I am not financially self-sufficient and after years of going-no-where therapy and psych unit stays my mother has decided she will not pay for 'that stuff' anymore. She's frustrated and has suffered alongside me on this issue so I can't really blame her. I have since left the States so I don't have access to DBT. I have a psychiatrist in case something goes terribly wrong and that's about it. There closest DBT center in this part of the world is in India. I was born in England but left when I was seven and don't know anyone there. Even if I chose to move there I would still have to seek funding from my mother and she is little more than resistant. She sees this as a waste of money. We were told very early on that there was no treatment for bpd and at the time there really wasn't.

I'm not a buddhist by the way but I do agree that if one doesn't change they remain ill. Actually I think it was as a teenager I realized something was wrong precisely because there seemed to be no change as the depression became worse and the visits to the psych unit etc. People need to realize not everyone has access to mental health care and treatments like DBT can be expensive, and living at home with my mother has become a destructive option neither of us wants. As for the 'spiritual' its almost too abstract. I mean I don't know what people are referring to exactly when they use the term. I know the definition is 'things pertaining to the spirit', but what is spirit/soul? The animating force behind things? Energy? I have a mind, a body this I know. I am not saying there is no such thing as spirit. I am simply saying I don't know what we are referring to. If its an experience then it must be an experience we share with every blade of grass, as even they are also alive. To say we all have spirit doesn't say much as we all have cells and all things are made of atoms but we have no experience of it as such.

when I talk about spirituality, I talk of a higher power and there is a site http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/ that is free and you can do on your own time, I do know that no everybody has access to dbt groups, however this is the only known treatment for recovery of bpd, I often say one will never become totally free of dbt, I have talked about this in other posts, I do feel this and can relate it to myself, with that said, I higher power can be there when you need to lean(on someone) I believe this wholly as I was unable to become healthy until I relayed on someone other than myself, I do not talk about spirituality as 'spirit', In my opinion and what I have seen being in a dbt program that if one doesn't get in touch with there spiritual side one cannot ever get away from the torments of dbt. and part of the spirituality is practised with dbt as a relief, as often if I just pray for help I receive it. it may not come how I want but it always comes. a spirit or soul is up to you to decide. and only you can define spirituality for you, I have mine and I would be dead today without the help of 'god'. I do not use this term for religious purposes but that is what I call my help. in one part of dbt it says to pray to anything, door knob stuffed animal and really, again non religiously, I do hope you can find answers to your questions but most of the questions originally asked can only be answered by you. I will be here any time you wish to discuss or need help with anything.

[KavanIce]

Thanks for the site and everything Amanda, I will check it out.

Well I don't know if I will start praying to door knobs anytime soon. How can I pray to the inanimate? In that sense I would be the higher power not the designated object.

I feel no need for a 'god' or rather I am not looking for a 'god'. I am looking for practical tools for living, for achieving goals in my life, for having a semblence of life. I think if I could do that then the feelings would take care of themselves but I could be wrong. I don't think people can solely rely on themselves but are dependent on society, community. God or higher power is as I have said a sort of empty abstraction. If it works as a useful tool for someone fine, if it leaves someone with a sense of security in the world or purpose its good but I don't believe in a 'personal' god. In other words the idea of something out there concerned with 'me' alone. If there is a personal god then one would have to explain why during a disaster, for example a tsunami, why some have their prayers answered and not others. I'm sure people of all faiths and perhaps even no faith prayed. I'm sure there were those who were deserving as they 'leaned' on their god but it didn't stop them from being washed away. Those who believed and those who didn't were washed away equally, dispassionately and impersonally.

What they needed at the time was not a higher power nor something to lean on, what they needed was high ground.

I agree their is no definitive answer to the questions posed but its helpful to have discourse, it moves one to think, to consider.

If there is a higher power then it is up to that entity to make itself unreservedly known to me, it wouldn't be my responsibility to seek it out or manufacture it. It like having a perverse parent-child relationship where its the child's responsibility to seek out the parent and implore the parent to help the child grow, be safe etc. But if the parent really were a parent they would simply do that and no searching, begging nor imploring would be necessary. In short there would be no need for prayer.

[Amanda28]

I feel no need for a 'god' or rather I am not looking for a 'god'. I am looking for practical tools for living, for achieving goals in my life, for having a semblence of life. I think if I could do that then the feelings would take care of themselves but I could be wrong. I don't think people can solely rely on themselves but are dependent on society, community. God or higher power is as I have said a sort of empty abstraction. If it works as a useful tool for someone fine, if it leaves someone with a sense of security in the world or purpose its good but I don't believe in a 'personal' god. In other words the idea of something out there concerned with 'me' alone. If there is a personal god then one would have to explain why during a disaster, for example a tsunami, why some have their prayers answered and not others. I'm sure people of all faiths and perhaps even no faith prayed. I'm sure there were those who were deserving as they 'leaned' on their god but it didn't stop them from being washed away. Those who believed and those who didn't were washed away equally, dispassionately and impersonally.

What they needed at the time was not a higher power nor something to lean on, what they needed was high ground.

ok my 'god' isn't going to help me out of everything, just help me figure things out, I once got a ticket on the train even though I prayed. now I know that is small in comparison but you have to look at the bigger picture, now is not praying helping you out? and if you prayed in the past and haven't gotten what you have asked for what did you pray for? see cause according to even AA praying for material things will not happen, I cannot just pray and have a laptop fall in my lap, I have to ask for the strength to save the money for what I want. or here is another example, god please stop the flood, isn't unnecessarily going to stop it but if it was more like please give me the strength to survive and move on might help you stay alive through and move past. same thing for overcoming illness, please help me get through this anger, please help me through this trying time and sure enough for me it's helped more than not. it when used in combined with other dbt practices gets me through so much. through most when I practice. so I'm not saying just pray and everything will be all right. there is an amazing quote I love, 'faith without work is dead' or something very similar to that. meaning you can't just have faith and everything is good, you have to attempt to change. anyways hope this helps

[White Healer]

This thread has highs, and lows just like people have in life. I see good points, and I see retribution to points that do not want to be shared...

GOD...Religion..the spirit.. These are words that have a meaning in an Atheist world, as well as a Religious world.

We are a meandering river...

We are a tree that has roots, and branches..

Our personality is based on decisions, and decisions work in the brain as branches... actually like branches.. the brain has three options..

True/False/Maybe

True to the left.. False to the Right, and maybe in the middle as the main branch.

'Maybe' has a strength. the strength is made from Salt, and Potassium. Potassium can be found in bananas. Salt weakens the strength of the maybe, and potassium strengthens it. Eventually, the maybe will become a FALSE, or a TRUE. (I always say that Salt, and Bananas are good for the brain, and funny how monkeys love, salt, and bananas).

Ok so that's the science of our personality, and it's fairly simple. we either believe something, or we think about it for awhile, or we don't believe something. We also carry a lot of information from our ancestors. These are the things that create an artist, a killer, a junkie, a genius, a writer..

Yikes! My post made me realise something, and I had to delete some of it... sorry..

Anyhow.. BPD must be a change in this system I suppose, and maybe you can figure out what the change would be.