Do You Tell People About Your Illness?

[amazinggrace31]

Just wondering if other people know about your illnesses, do you tell people or keep it secret?

If you chose to share your illness is it because it’s just a part of you that you share with anyone or did you tell people on a need to know basis to explain why you were a certain way or when you needed support? Have you disclosed to other people to support them by showing them you too had been through it or just told people because they asked? Are there certain people you would never tell?

If you don’t chose to share is this because of stigma or worries about people’s reactions or just because people don’t need to know? Or do you find it hard to talk about? Would you feel comfortable disclosing physical illness but not mental ones?

I don’t tend to tell many people about my health history in general unless I’m asked and a few times I have been outright asked about things but recently I’ve disclosed quite a bit of factual information to close friends who didn’t know me when I was diagnosed. I find this easier because I don’t think it provokes as much reaction if it’s something that’s been a part of you the whole time they’ve known you whereas older friends can feel a bit scared like you’ve changed or even guilty they didn’t notice. Because I kept things very hidden from my old friends I find it very hard to turn round now and say ‘actually I have a mental illness and have had for a few years.’

I find it difficult to talk about my feelings and feel quite ashamed of some things that I have done therefore I tend to stick to facts rather than feelings. I’m just as guarded about my physical health to be honest I only disclose things if they came up I wouldn’t go shouting them from the rooftops although it doesn’t bother me when I’m with the sort of people who’ll gladly tell you their lifestory.

[Alisonisanutter]

Just wondering if other people know about your illnesses, do you tell people or keep it secret?

If you chose to share your illness is it because it’s just a part of you that you share with anyone or did you tell people on a need to know basis to explain why you were a certain way or when you needed support? Have you disclosed to other people to support them by showing them you too had been through it or just told people because they asked? Are there certain people you would never tell?

If you don’t chose to share is this because of stigma or worries about people’s reactions or just because people don’t need to know? Or do you find it hard to talk about? Would you feel comfortable disclosing physical illness but not mental ones?

I don’t tend to tell many people about my health history in general unless I’m asked and a few times I have been outright asked about things but recently I’ve disclosed quite a bit of factual information to close friends who didn’t know me when I was diagnosed. I find this easier because I don’t think it provokes as much reaction if it’s something that’s been a part of you the whole time they’ve known you whereas older friends can feel a bit scared like you’ve changed or even guilty they didn’t notice. Because I kept things very hidden from my old friends I find it very hard to turn round now and say ‘actually I have a mental illness and have had for a few years.’

I find it difficult to talk about my feelings and feel quite ashamed of some things that I have done therefore I tend to stick to facts rather than feelings. I’m just as guarded about my physical health to be honest I only disclose things if they came up I wouldn’t go shouting them from the rooftops although it doesn’t bother me when I’m with the sort of people who’ll gladly tell you their lifestory.

I just tell people facts, but i have noticed that some people i have told have then turned my backs on me, but i have told some people at work who needed to know or have been interested and they have been OK about it. But i have not told them the nitty gritty i just tell them facts that i think they can cope with and will not scare them off. I suppose some of the people at work would have run a mile the only reason they havent is because i work with them so they have to put up with me.

I hope this answers your questions.

[cheesewright]

I have told as few people as I can get away with. I had to tell my employer I had a problem and she's been great. But my own brother doesn't know. Neither does my sister or even my father. My mother wouldn't know anyway since we are estranged.

Just bringing up the phrase, "I have a mental illness," creates an image for a lot of people, the image that, somehow, you're nuts in some way. Then you have to explain it all, and that just takes too much energy for me. Better that they don't know in the first place!

[Lily-Bee]

For me it totally depends. My friends and family know.

People I meet new I don´t disclose it when they ask why I don´t work I say because I am on a disability most people don´t dare ask more after that and when they do I either keep it vaugue or flat out lie and say its my backproblems.

When I get close to people I do tell them but I take it slow and see if they get it or not. I find for instance my mother in law eventhough she is really nice and caring doesnt understand it, so I kinda leave it with her.

So it all depends for me...........

I am lucky though my friends and family get it and arent judgemental or anything, just supportive.

Lilly

[julie67]

My close family know about my depression but I try to hide how I feel most of the time because It upsets them.I have no real friends because I tend to hide away when I have bad days{lots pf then lately}.

julie67

[emmylou_1985]

I have this urge after a few bevvies to tell everyone what a mess i am and about my bpd - it either bores them or makes them pitty me. or my partner. I hate it when i do that but it makes them realise why i am the way i am. My family have only just found out and now they understand better.

[Marchmadness]

I have to say that I don't tell people about my MH issues. Not even everyone in my family knows. I just

don't feel like it is any of their business. When and if I am ever ready to tell them, then I will, right now

there is need to. The only friends who know are the people who are in group. They understand what it is

like, common bond. I guess for me it depends on the intimacy of the relationship I have with someone

on how much I open up.

Marchmadness

[malachite]

I'm schizophrenic and I tell practically everyone. Most people haven't met someone openly schizophrenic. I find that the reaction is a good gauge as to whether they're worth bothering with for potential friends. I've only had one truly negative reactions (he couldn't cope with as his brother was also schizophrenic) but then I am a very forthright character. Usually people ask about it and I tell them what it means for me.

[Greensilver]

ive allways said i want bussiness cards with it printed on them! its not that i go out of my way to tell people its just they ask what i do and that only leaves one answer but then i am compulsivly honest (aspergers) it doesnt bother me when i say it whatever there response is but afterwards i tend to reflect on it for hours meh honesty is the best policy so they say

[pain-dance]

It depends on the situation. If it's someone you've just met, it's really none of their business. If it's an employer, you have a duty to be upfront and honest (also bear in mind the Disability Discimination Act), especially if you're working with vulnerable people. If you explain your illness and that you are taking measures to help yourself to get back on your feet, any reasonable person would respect that, but if you are judged simply and purely on your illness, it's best to walk away from those sort of jerks.

[tripper]

For me it also depends on the situation. My employer knows I have a mental health issue but doesn't know the full extent or exactly what I experience. Friends I have met through the Clubhouse Association know and are the least judgmental people I have ever met. Because they have their own mh issues, they see through my illness to the person beneath. Family I have unfortunately told and it has turned out a disaster. I wish I had never told them.

[obandange]

I've only told a select few. I feel like people would not be my friend if they knew what i had. They have seen me take pills but i play it down. I think ive only told those that needed an explanation for why i was screwed up at some time or annother. I kinda feel that im always appologising to some one for something. I do feel like im judged or would be judged if they knew.

[fuzzyfelt]

Dear amazing grace31, I have just told friends whom I have had a round for a bit: 5 or so years, they only see me when I'm feeling up, but (disturbingly) when I showed them the bpd definition online, they said they could see that about me (and I thought I hid it soooooooooooo well) they haven't changed at all towards me. My mother went into denial and I'm not going to bother telling my dad as two of his brothers are schizophrenic and he just doesn't understand how you can't just soldier on. My brother won't let me near my niece on my own and finds it hard to deal with but he only knows about the depression and life attempts, daren't tell him anymore. I don't think it is something you are obliged to tell people (like if you have diabetes and you need to tell people that if you pass out this is what they can do for you) your true friends will see beyond the symptoms and see you and who cares about any1 else? If you liked them before if they react badly chances are you'll hate them for that and anger always helps hurt (for me) the whole seeing things in black and white can come in useful sometimes?! At the end of the day it's up to you who you tell, it's not infectious and people will see you for you and not your illness. I am telling people now because I am only just coming to terms with bpd and me.

[Missfit]

I tend to openly tell people, partly to see if they still want to know me after & also so they understand I might be abit off sometimes. I wish i'd never told my Mum cause she always asks about work & makes me feel useless for not being able to right now, despite her knowing working isn't an option. I put off meeting her cause I know she's gonna start on about it.

[wolfie11969]

my family know. think it was to make the mother feel guilty for the problems she caused me. the sister was so she had someone she could talk to about what went on in her head cus my head prob worked the same.

my hubby i told him a couple of days after i started speaking to him. during a visit to my house i took him to a meeting with my shrink. basically so he could see what he was letting himself in for if he continued the relationship.

my boss knows and is very understanding as she has known ppl in the past with mental problems. my workmates know too because i had 3 months off work and they were asking where i was.

otherwise i dont discuss with anyone as i feel due to stigma attached not many ppl understand

[Stezzy]

I don't tell anyone, mostly because I have severe difficulties admitting how I really feel inside. I certainly wouldn't tell my family as they think I'm fine and the only one without problems. I never told anyone at university I was suicidal apart from my therapist. It's a very tough life putting on a front all the time and I really admire all you guys who can be true to yourselves with other people.

[Justine]

If I have told people about my mh I have been very matter of fact about it, playing it down as if it was nothing really, I think this is mainly because I know how judgemental people can be and I couldn't stand the pain of them pitying me and talking about me behind my back.

The people at the hospital and the psych people know obviously but I can't be totally open with them, I still put my mask on when I go there. The people I am in the groups with don't ask and I don't tell, like you say they see past the mental illness and see you for what you are, whatever that may be.

My kids, husband and my close friends (all of 2) all know, my mum doesn't know because she has denied it since I can remember so thats pointless, my sister doesn't know because she couldn't cope with it even though she has probs of her own, my mums sister knows and tried to be very helpful but I had to stop seeing her because my mum used to find out and then give her a really hard time over it. My younger two girls find it easier to understand than my older children, my son is very supportive if I am down and always tries to cheer me up. My eldest daughter is the one that doesn't understand it and we are very very close, have been since I was pregnant with her. She says its because she wasn't brought up like that so she finds it hard to imagine. My husband doesn't understand it but he tries, he reads things that I show him, he shows interest in my groups at the hospital, he is constantly looking out for me, and most of all he listens to me.

[rebeccaborderline]

Most people who know me know about my MH probs now, a lot because it was pretty difficult to hide constantly disappearing for hosp stays; also when I would get drunk I would tell anyone! Ive had very varied reactions; a very good friend completely turned her back which hurt a lot; most of my family try to pretend its not happening; a lot of people just get uncomfortable if you try to talk about it, they just don't know how to react, so now I don't force it on people.

But I do feel that for me, part of the recovery process is not having secretetive parts to my life any more, and also I am not ashamed any more, so I will be honest if people want to know, and let new friends know quite quickly, as its a major part of my life. I just dont go into details if I think they can't handle it.

rebeccaborderline

[pansy]

Just wondering if other people know about your illnesses, do you tell people or keep it secret?

If you chose to share your illness is it because it’s just a part of you that you share with anyone or did you tell people on a need to know basis to explain why you were a certain way or when you needed support? Have you disclosed to other people to support them by showing them you too had been through it or just told people because they asked? Are there certain people you would never tell?

If you don’t chose to share is this because of stigma or worries about people’s reactions or just because people don’t need to know? Or do you find it hard to talk about? Would you feel comfortable disclosing physical illness but not mental ones?

I don’t tend to tell many people about my health history in general unless I’m asked and a few times I have been outright asked about things but recently I’ve disclosed quite a bit of factual information to close friends who didn’t know me when I was diagnosed. I find this easier because I don’t think it provokes as much reaction if it’s something that’s been a part of you the whole time they’ve known you whereas older friends can feel a bit scared like you’ve changed or even guilty they didn’t notice. Because I kept things very hidden from my old friends I find it very hard to turn round now and say ‘actually I have a mental illness and have had for a few years.’

I find it difficult to talk about my feelings and feel quite ashamed of some things that I have done therefore I tend to stick to facts rather than feelings. I’m just as guarded about my physical health to be honest I only disclose things if they came up I wouldn’t go shouting them from the rooftops although it doesn’t bother me when I’m with the sort of people who’ll gladly tell you their lifestory.

I just tell people facts, but i have noticed that some people i have told have then turned my backs on me, but i have told some people at work who needed to know or have been interested and they have been OK about it. But i have not told them the nitty gritty i just tell them facts that i think they can cope with and will not scare them off. I suppose some of the people at work would have run a mile the only reason they havent is because i work with them so they have to put up with me.

I hope this answers your questions.

I have told everyone I know that I am paranoid schizophrenic and not one of them has turned their backs on me, they all wanted to know more about the illness so that they could understand how I was feeling, I guess I have some good friends and relatives, I was afraid that they would not understand and be scared as I was scared when I started with the illness but I knew about it because my son also has it and has suffered with it for 30 years, I have only been diagnosed for 7 years buit I have had it for longer at different times. HOpe this helps.

[hmmm]

I have told two people. My husband and then one close friend. The friend reacted so poorly that I feel it's best to keep it to myself as much as possible from now on.

[cuddlesthefox]

I sometimes will just tell people I've suffered from depression, but never go into the details of self harm, od's or eating problems etc, as I always think people which just not want to know me.

Gemma

[NickJ]

I have told a few people. Some didn't reply, some did, but I didn't explain in any detail and only my mother and psychiatrist know the full details. And they forget sometimes in how they treat me too. I am reluctant to give details as there is alot of stigma associated with MI.

[loosecannon]

I only tell people who NEED to know and even then it's only the basics i would'nt tell anyone my true darkside it kinda scares me so how are they going to react. plus most would not believe it

[dpb]

I dont tell anyone because I dont see how it could be anyones business to know.

[dutchy]

Just wondering if other people know about your illnesses, do you tell people or keep it secret?

My experience: To keep it it secret, it makes the illness more difficult. There are some cases, I keep it secret, but normally I talk about it. I am living in the countryside. There you can`t hide suicide-attempts. Everyone knows my attempts here. During my treatment, they found another illness: ADD(H). To explain, what´s wrong with me, makes things easier.

ciao