LadyMacbeth Posted January 19, 2005 Report Share Posted January 19, 2005 I know I can get through this. I have before. I do have people who care about me such as my former therapist, my friends, and you lot. I just have to be strong and sort out my priorities. I do not have to turn out my mother. I am the first person in the family to get a college degree. My goal is to obtain my PhD and help people like us. I want so much out of life and in order to get better I have to help myself whatever it takes. I know I have it in me somewhere. I am my own person. My mother no longer has control over me and I have to keep telling myself that. I know I am a good person and I can be happy and maintain decent relationships with people. I must keep telling myself I am a strong person and I will get through this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kraaken Posted January 19, 2005 Report Share Posted January 19, 2005 Dear LadyMacbeth, You're sounding fantastic, a real inspiration to me, for one. I was trying to do a PhD in pharmaceutical analysis but had to give it up in Autumn 2003 when I became unwell. I was all over the place with the experiments and undermining myself with low self-esteem (which one of the professors gently pointed out to me). But I was also doing part-time jobs, and started drinking more and more to relax and eventually had a breakdown and landed in hospital. Stay well, K Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flowergirl Posted January 19, 2005 Report Share Posted January 19, 2005 You should try and write it down, put it in the front of your workbooks, by your bed, on the mirror in the bathroom, everywhere. Just so that if you do slip back, you have a reminder. You are stonger than you think. GO GIRL With hugs and stuff Flowergirl x :bigarmhug[1]: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted January 19, 2005 Author Report Share Posted January 19, 2005 Whats pharmaceutical analysis? Hey you got that far!!! That is an achievement!!! I loved Uni so much. My senior year I messed up because of the whole fear of leaving and abandonment issues. My therapist new from the start but took me awhile to realize it. When I had problems finishing my thesis my history advisor and therapist stood my me till I finished because they knew something was wrong and how much I loved school and studying. They knew me and did not turn from me. I love being in school and learning. I could do it forever. Its the drive. And I bet when you are ready if you want to finish you will. I can tell by your posts you are intelligent!!!!!!!Drinking and the breakdowns happened to me to. But, we are strong and when we feel wek we have to remind ourselves and say F#%& those people who screwed us because we will be somebody. I know everyone here as potential!' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kraaken Posted January 19, 2005 Report Share Posted January 19, 2005 Dear Lady M Pharmaceutical analysis = analysing pharmaceuticals (drugs) for impurities by several methods, for example High Performance Liquid Chromatography. I was trying to develop a way of analysing proteins, like insulin, using a technique called Capillary Electrophoresis. In 2 1/2 years of it I had very little success, which was really depressing. I was getting psychotherapy from a psychologist at the time, but I didn't tell him very much, and he stuck to two topics: alcohol, and the PhD. Technically I could go back to it if I wrote a decent report first, but there is no money left for my project and living expenses. Dropping out was a real blow to me, because according to my counsellor, my self-esteem has been linked with making acheivements since I was a little girl. I probably got the attitude from my mother. My counsellor says that it's okay not to be making acheivements, that getting by can be enough when you're not well, and not to give myself a hard time. K Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted January 19, 2005 Author Report Share Posted January 19, 2005 Ahh, thats funny my therapist said the same thing to me about my studies! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calyps Posted January 19, 2005 Report Share Posted January 19, 2005 Hey there fellow studious types, I was doing a Masters when I got too ill and ended up in hospital. Sometimes I think i'd like to go back to uni but I no longer trust my brain- what used to be my best friend became my worst enemy and I daren't risk teaching it anything new! Everytime we have training at work I have a breakdown, and I still have anxiety dreams about getting to lectures, handing in assignments, exams- I graduated 5 years ago! I sometimes wonder if my heart was really in my studies at all, I never felt that yearning inside me that getting further qualifications should instil. I read this in you Lady M and I have faith that you will do it, there will be a time when we'll all call you 'Dr' and you will be the only one we trust implicitly because you live this BPDWorld with us. Hope you don't feel pressurised, I'm just in morning daydream mode! Anwen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted January 19, 2005 Author Report Share Posted January 19, 2005 That is so sweet Anwen!!!!!!!I have not been to bed yet its 3:30 am here. Cannot sleep. Probably go to sleep when my eyes will no longer stay open and try to sleep in the day! It is nice to have doctors and therapists who really understand what we are going through and thats what I would like to do. Don't think I would tell them I had BPD but I would know how to work with people. LM :wub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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